Google Spam back to Alpha?

Google Spam back to Alpha?

I'm not sure why this is happening, but each day, more than a handful of annoyingly mundane filth remains untouched in my GMail Inbox. Instead of being shown the backdoor (as salesmen traditionally are), they're punching the front doorbell or squashed against the French windows.

My limited searching on the subject did not reveal any recent upsurge in complaints from netizens, so I wonder why I have so much false negatives each day. Unless the Google machine learners are having a summer vacation. Till then, I try to find solace in odes to spam (1 - All You Need Is Spam, 2 - Don't Be Inadequate Anymore).

And to make this post utterly worthless, here's a little riddle:

Q. Why is the song "dhak dhak karne lagaa" similar to most Google products?

A. Because it's a Beta version.

The cool of the Coens

The cool of the Coens

To their rich haul of Oscars, I would have liked to add one more to the Coen Brothers' tally: for "Best Insouciance". On each occasion that their names was called up, Joel and Ethan Coen walked up unhurriedly to the stage. Either they were giving a Coen-worthy performance themselves, or it actually didn't matter all that much. A festival bonus, not a career definition. Joel spoke about being grateful that they were allowed to play in the sandbox, while Ethan didn't bother with such verbosity. "Thank you" was followed "I've got nothing more to add to what I said earlier". Where people weep and whoop, the Coens simply won. In contrast, the other Oscar winner in the family, Frances Mcdormand, and other relatives seemed to compensate with their excitedness. Though Ethan in particular seemed to wonder what they were fussing about.

I happened to see "No Country for Old Men" and came away feeling like the glass of water in the anecdote. I wasn't sure if I liked it or whether I hated it. (Saket is much less ambivalent here.) On the plus side, the intensity of certain scenes, the lack of a background score that left each coming moment equipped with the power to suddenly bite, some of the performances (Javier Bardem's sociopathic Chighurh surely gatecrashes - by blowing out the doorknob, no doubt - into cinema's Hall of Infamy), some of the unexpected creative choices (not showing a certain character's end; some of the motel action), to name a few. While on the other hand, some almost incomprehensible Texan accents, the lack of providing character graphs for some of the people, the 'this is great viewing, but what are they trying to say here?' feeling of not knowing where the light switch was.

One could argue that great art demands that the viewer shed his passivity to actively engage her own self in the artistic product. On the other hand, shouldn't great art also be accessible to most? I am not sure. I will say (honestly) that I'm still waiting to figure out, interesting film though it was, exactly why "No Country for Old Men" was the unanimous darling of cineastes this year, and why not some of the other films? What set it apart from the rest?

One man's primate is another man's yucky wimp

One man's primate is another man's yucky wimp

Radio host 1: Have you read the paper, the Aussies are back into you blokes about being whingers?
Harbhajan: That's because they're winning almost every game they are playing out here at this stage.

Host 1: ... and because they have got away without a guy docked 15% of his match fee and they've got an opener...
Host 2 (cuts in) Why don't they just shut up and play cricket?
Harbhajan: There you go, that's the most logical thing I have ever heard this summer

Host 1: Were you charging Andrew Symonds the other day and calling him 'monkey' as you were batting?

Harbhajan: No, 'maa kii. 'Teri maa kii'.

Host 1: That's offensive apparently in Australia?
Harbhajan: He took offence to that, I thought that was quite funny. I said saale, you should be flattered it's a god and your ancestor.


(Everyone laughs)

Host 2: We need to get to the root of the problem and see why they are all so sensitive? What's going on in their lives.

Host 1: Bhajji probably said that as he took Symond's gilli that day...


Harbhajan: I think it's been a bit of a long battle with Symonds. The first time I ever met him he was the same big obnoxious baal-ki-dukaan that he is now, so... (more general laughter)

Host 1: That's what you got about him from every person who's had a dealing with him?

Harbhajan: The thing is, his record speaks for itself in cricket. It's a certain line that you can go to and you know when you push it - and he just pushes it all the time. That is why it is a surprise he's never been charged more than anyone that has ever played in the history of cricket.

Host 1: Does (Matthew) Hayden, that big, tall, balding batsman, come from the same school as Roy?
Harbhajan: Well I think he's just old and as I have said to him many times, abbey, you're 36, just take it easy. He says, but "Aye'm playin' fa maye country" (mimics Aussie accent). Well we're all playing for our country but at the end of the day you're 36, what about if you just worry about your batting for a while. I actually like the idea of getting him in an akhaadaa. Oye, chak de phatte!

(With help from transcript here. Full original version here. Indian view which I don't largely agree with - I don't see it as conscious sledging. I see the foulmouthedness emanating from a plainly pompous and self-inflated ego in a man who's just used to being a bully. If that's how they talk each day, at least they should have the sense to keep it away a mike. Harbhajan himself comes a region which, in stereotype at least, can be foul mouthed itself. But at least, it's off public air. The aussies don't realise that they can't impose their own cultural standards on anyone and that it works both ways.)

Do I speak South Indian?

Do I speak South Indian?

Venkat sent out a link about more examples of the dumb insular American being more than a mere stereotype. With the Hindi version of "Are you smarter than a fifth-grader" around the corner, we can (and we will!) show the amreekans that we can be as good (or bad) as them. Partly because, the popularity of the show will depend on showing that people aren't as smart as a fifth-standard kid (I've noticed many people say "grade" for "standard". Sigh.)

Well, if the only proof of incompetence needed is that of geographical ignorance, then I would like to send in a candidate of my own. This, a well-educated person, who has spent all his life within India, asked me: "So, you must speak South Indian, right?"

I almost gagged there, not out of horror or something, but since there were so many alternative answers to give there, L'esprit_de_l'escalier prevailed. But the sad thought that the education system seems to have utterly failed this chap did cross by. Now, putting on the self-critical hat, I'll readily admit there are several Indian languages I wouldn't be able to identify. But just as I wouldn't ask anyone if they spoke Maharashtrian or Pakistani or Madhya Pradeshi, all I ask is to be extended the same courtesy.

The music of "U, Me, aur Hum"

The music of "U, Me, aur Hum"

I'll admit that I would not have ordinarily looked forward to the music of a film with an orthographically-challenged title such as "U, Me, aur Hum". But with Vishal helming the baton, here is what I thought.

This film is the most 'urban' of Vishal's output. Though not spectacular in any way, it presents enough points of interest to merit a couple of repeats through the playlist. The lyricist isn't a certain stiff-kurta'd maestro here, but Munna Dhiman steps in to produce a couple of interesting poetic fragments. His highest point is the clever "Saiyaan", where Vishal graciously steps into the background to let the lyrics shine. With "nai dilli me.n bareilly jaisaa saiyaa.n" and "saara din afvaaho.n saa phirtaa udtaa-phirtaa hai galii-galii", this is a great track. Vishal adds the right amount of musical embellishments and gets Sunidhi Chauhan to do the same. Though I didn't like this the first time I heard it, it "chipkoo"-ed on from the next one.

Adnan Sami features on 3 tracks as the male voice. Shreya Ghosal and he combine for "Jii Le", a peppy Spanish number with the usual kind of arrangements (Spanish guitars et al.) that make it so. It's a very nice melody, especially the opening piece. I also liked the guitar riffs and the use of the accordions here. Decent track.

There are two version of the title song. Shreya Ghosal does the female solo, while Vishal himself steps up to the mikes for the male version. The tune has all the trappings of a soothing romantic tune and the English pop-lyrics don't distract as in some other songs. With all due respect to the composer, I really think Vishal ought not to sing. His version, in some places, sounds like a scratch track. Music directors are given the benefit of doubt as long as they have something distinctive to offer. However, as yet, Vishal's voice does not have the earnestness of A.R.Rahman, the zaniness of R D Burman, or the folkishness of S D Burman or Ilaiyaraja. He sounds very flat as well as heavy, especially with a female version to compare against. Nice lyrics again.

I didn't like the heavy Punjjaabbee numbers, especially the very noisy (to me) "Phatte". "Dil Dhakda" is slightly better, again with Dhiman's somewhat offbeat takes. However, on the whole, I haven't bothered to come back to these two.

At the end, I'm still playing four of these tracks, especially "Saiyaan", so that's not too bad for a digression on to the mainstream for someone who hasn't always been given his due in that part of public consciousness.

Update: Lyrics can be found at the Gulzarfans egroup.

Also posted on the Vishal blog.

Shaant Ishant, Shaant

Shaant Ishant, Shaant

Reactions to the Indian Premier League have ranged from the moral to the material. There's one thing I don't like: that Ishant Sharma was one of the highest 'bought' players. Nice for the lad and all, but if he really is the brightest bowling prospect (in a decade full of bright bowling prospects) around, is it really smart to let him be subject to further pressures? I can't see his franchise asking him to take it easy if they have paid so much for him. Bowling prospects for India have a habit of disappearing and not being well looked after, and I wish the BCCI would pay him a crore and ask him to sit at home in April.

Man Se

Man Se

Q. How far was the bus-stand from the MNS activist's house?
A. Just a stone's throw away

The long dark cool tiffin-times of our roohs

The long dark cool tiffin-times of our roohs

It's been four months of winter and each time the Freddie seems to finally begin defying gravity, it dips back down the next day. It makes the mornings (especially in the shade) shiver and the brass balls of the night look for cover. The days are fabulous, especially on Sundays, when the road has enough breathing space for a walk in the polite sunshine. This is the famed Pune climate which we have seen very little of in the last few years.

Many other parts of India have faced the brunt of this extended winter, but we in Pune have been a little lucky to have the temperature just about right. Perhaps, if the climate doom-sayers are to be believed, this is strange but final flourish. So in addition to cutting down your C-footprint, get out a little more and enjoy it while it lasts.

The little saffron handbook

The little saffron handbook

Culturally, I consider myself to be part-Maharashtrian, not because it's expedient to do so, but by sheer force of time spent here, influence of friendships, and habits shaped by my environment. I reckon it'd have been the same had I spent a similar amount of time elsewhere in the country. I don't necessarily see it as anything worth trumpeting about, as there are enough similar examples all around me. I also know a few Maharashtrians who hardly fit the traditional maraaThii milieu.

Since (warning: stereotyping ahead) I do not eat poLii-bhaajii or shiiraa each day, prefer gulping down mugs of coffee rather than glasses of tea and medu-vaDaas to baTaaTaa-vaDaas, I sometimes wonder whether I do behave like the "marathi manoos" that one hears a lot about. I wish one of the Thackerays would pen a little primer on what being a "marathi manoos" entails so that one can measure one's level of conformance. In fact, a little electronic arm-band could be made compulsory for everyone that automatically displays a colour from green to red depending on how dangerous you are to the local climate.

That last kaDi-pattaa

That last kaDi-pattaa

I'm a militant opponent of food wastage at meals. From a young age, it was drilled into me that one should not waste food, that one shall endeavour to have a clean plate at the end of a meal, and that to achieve these goals, one shall only take as much as one needs. The lessons evidently have struck home, and I usually eat everything, right down to the last curry leaf. The people who have to wash the plates at the place where I eat lunch daily must surely want to give me a medal. The food in front of me has just had a severe vote of no-confidence if I leave it behind.

Others around me are not so kind. Particularly at buffet lunches where people invite F&B on to their plates with the courtesy of a cruise yacht's captain, only to turn into an uninterested Pune shopkeeper in the afternoons. I watch in horror as people, with hardly a second thought, put down their spoons, forks and fingers aside while leaving morsels untouched. Admittedly, the food isn't always great in public canteens and lunch cafeterias, but that is no excuse for alighting from the gravy train leaving a mess behind. I have been known to give people, especially in the last couple of years, a torrid time over wasted jam and butter at tiffin-time on the principle that if you can't even predict the amount of jam you need on your toast, then what do you really know?

Anyway, the point of this post is this article wondering whether abolishing trays will reduce wastage. I think not. The only economic disincentive I see is to make people pay by weight for the food that they waste at the end. Very simple. It's hard on the eaters when the quality of the food varies from day to day, but then perhaps you should find a different place to eat. (I told you I am a bit of a radical.)

Aleatory and Grindhouse

Aleatory and Grindhouse

The BCQC is organising two open quizzes this Sunday in Pune. The morning one is a Sports quiz and the afternoon will see a General quiz. All the details here or here.

"Answer" - Fredric Brown

"Answer" - Fredric Brown

Some sites called it one of the most famous science fiction stories, but I had never heard of either writer Fredric Brown or this story called "Answer". One of the advantages of working with the world of languages is that interesting texts pass by one's eyes. While reading a presentation on Named Entity Recognition, this story appeared on one of the early slides.

It is quite a wonderful story, and just about 260 words long. Read it.

Update: It turns out I have read Brown before. His fine story called "Arena" is in a (cherished) Reader's Digest collection of best short stories.

With lines like these, who needs word-play?

With lines like these, who needs word-play?

ITrans-friendly hindi words can sometimes be a pain. Consider:

'I feel I'm the real Baa of the Viranis!'

I wonder if she is also the black sheep of the Viranis.

Some links about writing

Some links about writing

Sudarshan asks and examines: why don't some of the western literary genres appear in Indian writing? Perhaps they have no resonance in the lives of readers here? Nice post and I broadly agree. Who knows, perhaps we will have a genre called "beigepunk" that marries IT and sci-fi :-). Computer Science has been easily yoked, but does the more mundane world of deliveries and outsourcing have stories hidden in it? Scary.

Khaled Hosseini trivia: Each day, he gets up at 4 am and writes for a couple of hours. I didn't know he was also a practicing internist. Also, I have not yet read any of his books.

Neil Gaiman and a bunch of other writers are helping Patry Francis promote her book by blogging about it. She can't do it herself because she is ill with cancer. Fine gesture.

Takeover

Takeover

Pardon me if I'm making a mistake, but I do believe a man of my age deserves some luck when he needs it. Therefore, I may be excused for having fled to the seaside today. I could not face another day there - where nothing I do can find appreciation. This must be what rebellion feels like.

I know, I know. Tomorrow, I will be back at my desk, insults and payscales left by the wayside. By then, the ember of revolt would have died from surprise at being given a life. But today, it spends a day by the sea.

I'm on my toes. I look to the left and then to the right. No one in sight. Just like everyone else, the sun is also earning its pay. It is delivering a performance of a lifetime. No surprise that I'm the only grain of sand on two feet.

After an hour, I spy someone walking towards where I am sitting. He seems to carrying a tripod, a pot, and a briefcase. I look back at the vessel of shimmer in front of me. He stops near me, saying nothing. Instead, he pulls out a flier and hands it over with a smile. He starts to unpack. He pulls out a robe.

If he's an artist of any confidence, he has chosen with care. I'm open to all kinds of ideas today, so I open the pamphlet. The contents are shy and do not demand my attention. Without fuss, it says: Hello. I'm 'K the Redeemer'. To prove it, I shall perform a miracle today at 12 noon at the beach, and hide the sun for 15 minutes. Please do come and watch. Thanks.

All he's asking for is my time. I'm any performer's dream today.

It's only 11, but as you would expect of a god and a pro, he's set the stage and is prepared for everything. Though, I don't see Murphy's Law kicking in. It's not as if the power will go out and ruin the show.

Half an hour later. We've been talking and it looks like he's got no worries about the lack of turnout. His publicity has been limited to some fliers and an newspaper insertion buried amidst people trading machine parts. The sole concession to the demands of stagecraft is his robe studded with stars and crescents. He bought it for 200 rupees and admits to being drenched in sweat.

It's time. He walks over to the pot and lights a flame under it. Fragrance surrounds us. A seller of peanuts stops to see what these two idiots in the middle of the beach are upto. The sun waited above, from its vantage point.

He smiles, he waves his hand, he mutters. I look up, and yes, the sun's gone. Yet, there's light, so you wouldn't notice the ball of fire was missing unless someone pointed it out. However, you might wonder why you were not perspiring.

He turned to me, smiling. The vendor could be seen fleeing in the distance. Gone nuts, you might say. It looks like we have a god in our midst after all.

Thirty minutes later, we walk away together. He'd shed those garbs and I was carrying the pot (what an aroma). Things had changed. Oh, and it does seem that we meek will inherit the world. That is, if it isn't a lot of trouble to the rest of you. We apologise for any distress in advance.

Gap Analysis

Gap Analysis

hamaare aur aapke biich me.n ek baDaa #gap# jo hai. #Generation Gap, after all!#

- Laxman "Lucky" Prasad Sharma to Bhavani Shankar Prasad, 'Golmaal'

The definition of the size of 'a generation' is somewhere between 25 to 30 years. But even within a single generation, several significant things change and are very interesting to observe. A little list to identify those from my sub-generation:

1.Rotary Dial phones: As much of a retronym like its recent cousin, the "land-line", these kinds of phones, usually black or in colours more appropriate for bathroom tiles, where you could watch the dial spin down have indeed disappeared. Its last refuge was the PCO booth, which itself struggles for survival these days. I remember watching TV serials where the astute sleuth could figure out the digits of a phone number just by listening to the sound or measuring the time between two numbers. Zero had the least importance in terms of hogging footage, as it was closest to base camp. The punch-button phones have bought in a sense of democracy among the numbers. If you can remember using rotary phones on a regular basis (that is, if you had a telephone at home after long years of being waitlisted), welcome to our sub-generation.

2.Black and white, sepia photographs: You're a kid, hair slicked down, in someone's arms or in the first row, thumb inserted somewhere. The medium is black and white, or a shade of brown. The nearest male has sideburns the size of an Amazon rainforest, the frames of your aunt's spectacle were made out of eight kilos of charcoal plastic. Nostalgia is best served greyscale.

3. s/'sexy'/'baby'/g: Leaving aside mobile phones and internet access and foreign cars, the biggest cultural change that I have witnessed is in the liberation of the word "sexy" in Hindi films. Even then, the stars (Kamal, Aamir) indulged openly in on-screen "lip" kissing (usually leading high sales of Filmfares, questions in Parliament, self-immolation attempts by lipstick manufacturers), so the trend that we see these days where people even in TV ads manage to steal a peck at the back of a car was quite "linear" and hence to be expected. However, if you were part of a generation that watched the supremely kitschy Superhit Muqabla (who even tried a version of the Grammies called the SUMO awards that awarded everything from "Best Remixed Ghalib Ghazal" to "Best Teen Taal rendition by an Octopad in an Usha Uthup Show"), you would recall the mighty double blow to Indian culture that was dealt by the Dulaaraa and the Paapii GuDiyaa. Govinda "One Tight Slap" Ahuja pre-empted the days of sexy kurtiis by declaring everything (yes everything!) on him was "that dirty word ending with a 'y', starting with an 's', with a 'x' and a 'e' thrown in for free, which isn't 'sxey'". It caused a huge uproar. I'm not joking. Around the same time, Karisma "That is Harish, not me" Kapoor expressed a view (in a fairly decent tune, actually), in a voice borrowed from a babydoll which was made in India, that she was like Govinda's shirt, only three times more so. "Uproar II - the Hungama" ensued, leading to a find-and-replace mission with "baby".

Such has my generation been scarred that we have hardly been able to think or utter such words. I'm showing the way with posts such as these. S-E-X-Y! There, I've spelt it out. Chi-Chi: zaraa khaTiyaa sarkaanaa.

Gilly walks back

Gilly walks back

The problem with watching a fabulous generation of cricketers for a decade is that now each year, we're having to say goodbye to some of them. The likes of Brian Lara, Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath, Damien Martyn bowed out last year. It hasn't been even a month into 2008, and it's time to start saying thanks to Adam Craig Gilchrist.

Gilchrist was among the few sportsmen I watched without reference to match, situation, conditions, or outcome. There was no difference between highlights or live matchplay - they were all the same to me, a chance to watch one of the finest perform. Stay Around and Cheer, Artist at Work. He walked in briskly, he did not hang about when out (wrongly or otherwise), he jumped up in glee after diving for catches, he could whip off bails even facing the Sheik of Tweak. Balls regularly found their way to midwicket or point, usually smacking hard into the advertising boards. His brand of entertainment needed no advertising.

The decision to retire is not completely surprising, with the Aussie keeper facing justifiable criticism for his woes behind the wicket in this series. Morever, his bat has been mainly silent. It's a fine move from him, to go out at a time and place of his choice. It'll mean not making it to the 100 Tests mark, but in this case, his contribution to the game, not just Australian cricket or just wicketkeeping, transcends numbers.

From Hobart to Mumbai to Perth, to second-fastest hundreds and doubles, to a world-record 400+ dismissals with the glove, to 100 Test sixes, to being an opener at number 7 in Tests to being an opener at number 1 in ODIs, to congratulating others on their milestones to never taking a backward step. Thanks!

The optimal pessimist

The optimal pessimist

The optimist shrugs it off knowing he's still got most of his life ahead of him. That he too has got most of his life ahead of him is exactly what the pessimist is worried about.

The ascendancy of men's tennis

The ascendancy of men's tennis

We won't have a Golden Slam this year for Roger Federer. I was a little disappointed, depressed even, with his Australian Open loss today. But in the overall context of men's tennis, this is great news. Players like Djokovic have grown up and we will now see much more intense competition in the next couple of years in the circuit. Federer, generalising what he said after his record-equalling Wimbledon triumph last year about Nadal, has snapped up as much as he could in the last few years before these kids came up roaring. Making Grand Slam wins will be tougher now, and perhaps even sweeter.

I don't know how much of today's loss was due to the new, slower Plexicushion surface, but characteristically, Federer did not bother with excuses. Like with the Australians recently in Test cricket, the end of a streak should also be accompanied with wonderment at the fact that the streak lasted that long.

Cassius 'Tsonga' Ali v. Super-Novak should be superb to watch.

The Boor's First Sigh...

The Boor's First Sigh...

... of the season. Sreesanth know not when to keep Sreesanth's mouth shut. Sreesanth strange, though sometimes hilarious in an Andre-Nel-way.

A few Marias - 3

A few Marias - 3

* Shane Bond
* Chris Cairns
* Michael Holding
* Allan Donald
* Kapil Dev

Smoothest seam/swing bowling actions (that I can remember!)

Wednesdays like this

Wednesdays like this

Wake up in the morning to hear that The Joker is dead. I don't like to hear about people my age dying, like this or any other way.

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Having finally located a CD of Jodhaa-Akbar yesterday late evening, have been soaking in the songs. Have found it immensely enjoyable. "jashn-e-baahaaraa.n" is mellifluous, "aziim-o-shaan" is majestic, especially with the percussion, Khwaajaa Mere Khwaajaa again shows there is hardly a more sincere singer than A.R.Rahman, "mana mohanaa" reminds me a lot of "Enge Enathu..." from "Kandukondain...", loved hearing the oboe, Naveen sparkles as usual with his flute, was most intrigued by "in lamho.n ke daaman". Sounds even better inside the headphones.

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Am constantly surprised by how little many people seem to care about anything that they do - there is hardly any attempt at self-quality-control. Weird.

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Due to power trips (the electrical ones), ended up acting out "Ittefaaq" for an impromptu (as most are) Dumb Charades break: "ithe" (maraathii for "here") and "an English swear-word". I thought it should have got a more fitting reception on being solved than it did. Me ego-stick.

Oscars nominees 2008

Oscars nominees 2008

The shortlist has been announced. Unlike last year, I have hardly seen any of these films, so have no idea about the favourites. I can only root for sentimental favourites, such as Laura Linney and Cate Blanchett (both regulars at the Oscars, from among this wonderful generation of Hollywood actresses) or the Coens. Perhaps Johnny Depp will be this year's Martin Scorcese.

Hopefully, Hirak or George will have a more detailed post on these nominations.

Waiting for a chance

Waiting for a chance

Sport is a metaphor for life, but for those whom sport is life, life is sometimes not always a sport. Here's a great article about the Victoria state cricket team, members of which are doing what they want to do but are completely cognisant of the risks they're taking - all while waiting for a chance to go "upstairs".

Articles in a similar vein: the Brad Hodge story, Sanjay Bangar on the relative anonymity of playing for the Railways in Ranji cricket.

Thanks Sourav and Rahul - take a rest

Thanks Sourav and Rahul - take a rest

I agree with Harish: "even I" don't understand the brouhaha. This is one of those rare occasions when a decision seems to have been taken after some analysis and giving a captain the team he wants.

Idiots like Sidhu, who challenged Vengsarkar to an open debate and promised to get off NDTV if he (Sidhu) couldn't be convinced, have naturally been blowing hot air everywhere. I wish the Colonel would do so and help us get rid of the man with a mouth the size of Bournemouth - though convincing Sidhu of anything is as difficult as balancing a cycle stand on your bum (others can do "it" too, O' sherry-punjab). However, friends like Aniket have lamented the omission of Ganguly (who are these Dravid fans who went on a rampage - I'm impressed steady ol' Rahul evokes such emotions!), so would like to draw their attention to the following fact. In the recently concluded Test, Sourav Ganguly was clearly the weakest Indian fielder on the ground, and his spate of illnesses have not helped at all. The "fielding" issue is an extremely valid one on these large Australian grounds, and if the ODI captain does not feel he could use these two batsmen, then there is no point in including them.

In fact, the day Tendulkar's strong arm gives way, I'll call for his omission too. Right now, he still remains an order above the other veterans in terms of ability and intent when it comes to fielding in the deep and scampering between the wickets.

Meanwhile, the whole issue has spurred Harish to humour - this is the kind of effect this landmark tour is having on people!

Scenes from a Board

Scenes from a Board

God promise, these are real.

On a thread about the Australian Open:

"venus is hard heater and her service is always on fire"

(The unintentional irony of getting the cause and effect right blew me away.)

"In our static life we do not getting any feeling so i thought to share some matter regarding our motherland so that we regain our pride.If any one has any unique idea about INDIA you are welcome."

e.g.
"In 1971 war, 98,000 pakistani army surrender in front of Indian Army that is world record till now from any war ever happened on the earth."

(i get lotsa dynamic-type feeling when i share this matter which i thought was welcomely unique especially when so many army put down arm which i don't think ever happens on any earth.)

For sell: one wedding lehenga which has been used only for one day.

(dilwale dulhaniyaa kaa lehengaa le jaayengaa)

Pune Paper tigers scrap it out

Yesterday (Saturday), instead of The Times of India, most (if not all) households subscribing to that daily rag received DNA instead ^[1]. (DNA launched a Pune edition earlier last weeks and has been on an advertising offensive from several months ago.) When asked, our newspaper vendor said vaguely that there was some problem with the distribution of the TOI that day. TOI was also not to be seen on newsstands during the day.

In today's Sunday TOI Pune edition, there was a front-page notice from the paper alleging that a competitor paid off distributors to boycott the TOI on Saturday and calling it an infringement of ethics. It seems to me that this could be an accurate version of events given that everyone I spoke to seems to have received DNA instead (not the Indian Express or even Sakal, as has happened in earlier cases when the TOI was unavailable). (I have been sampling DNA through the week - I used to read it more regularly in Bombay by pinching it from outside my neighbour's door and replacing it back neatly folded before he woke up at noon! - and have found it a decent paper to consume snippets from.)

If DNA indeed did stall TOI's distribution, then it's quite an aggressive step, not to mention totally unethical. The problem is: where do we get objective information about this from? Pune does not really have a local news channel or a news website which could have covered this (though this site probably qualifies). This interesting situation needs some monitoring.

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[1] Yes, I confess that despite all my complaints, we still subscribe to the TOI. I buy other newspapers from time to time, especially on weekends.

Drama on the high seas

Drama on the high seas

Hardly anyone in the Indian media seems to be reporting this very interesting story happening in the Antarctic Ocean. A Japanese whaling ship in those waters is facing heavy opposition from two ships belonging to environmental groups who are trying their damndest to prevent the whaling. However, the two groups (the more famous Greenpeace and the more militant Sea Shepherd Conservation Society) are also at loggerheads with each other.

The driving force behind Sea Shepherd also helped co-found Greenpeace, but later was thrown out of Greenpeace due to significant differences of opinion. In this case, tensions have been high as Sea Shepherd tried to stall the big whaler Nisshin Maru, leading to two of its sailors being taken "hostage" by the Japanese.

This is a very different world than what we are used to hearing about. Read more about it here.

Perth Perch and a Federer freeze

Perth Perch and a Federer freeze

A fine day for sport. Federer sums it up best: "What a great battle. This is where you get grey hair early in life."

Spectators of both matches would agree. I'm glad I didn't see the last hours of both matches, it would have driven me crazy. I thought I was going to have a nervous attack when Federer was trailing after the first set. 10-8 in the last, phew. The dream of the Grand, nay Golden, Slam is still alive. After Djokovic, another Serb in Tipsarevic impresses greatly.

Far away to the west on the same continent, the India cricket team pulled off what many are calling their best ever Test victory. I disagree: for me, the best will still be Calcutta 2001. This would be among the best overseas victories for sure, with competition from that astonishing chase in Port-of-Spain in 1976 or the more recent Headingley victory in 2002. But this is easily the best all-round team performance ever: it had to be, with not a single century or 5-wicket haul.

This was also a match where the Aussies had rare tactical failures. Reading the pitch incorrectly led to them picking the wrong 11, which then led to a slow-over rate, which compounded the huge loss of Hayden. The fort has been breached, but let's not forget their astonishing streaks, not only of 16 straight wins again, but also of never having lost at home in 5 years.

Cricket moves on.

The MVC pattern of Indency

The MVC pattern of Indency

Actress Shriya Saran apologises to some "katchi" for having worn a dress that they thought offended Hindu culture. Given the treatment meted out to other film actresses in that region, it is not surprising that the actress wants to get out of this mess that someone else wants to exploit for obviously political reasons.

In fact, the blowing up of any random incident involving a soft-target into an offence against some culture is so easy and commonplace these days that I am surprised it doesn't happen each day, each minute. For instance, any katchi/dal/sangh/party worth its cut-out just has to walk up to a cinema hall and see the posters for the average Indian commercial movie: if Shriya's attire offended Hinduism, then the huge success of these masala movies has completely undermined civilisation as we know it. For that matter, Harbhajan Singh's comparison of Symonds to a monkey, which Chetan Chauhan said was fine since Indians venerate the animal, was also offensive to Hindus: imagine worshipping that dreadlocked, zinc-creamed avatar!

I hereby detect a Model-View-Controller pattern to this: Someone, usually a model, shows up and does something. A katchi Views him/her. Calculates the odds of this being a soft target and and easy kill. If yes, proceeds to take "Control" the situation.

Listening to a book

Listening to a book

I have kept away from audio-books, feeling that the sight of words is an important part of the experience of reading. However, I have been travelling by bus these days and find the roads of Pune not very encouraging of the reading habit. I did remember Hirak writing about how he got used to audio books, and that emboldened me to give it a shot.

The local British Library does have quite a few audio books and offers a choice of authors of my interest: ranging from Richmal Crompton to Agatha Christie to Ian Rankin to Ian McEwan. I decided not to pick up anything heavy or language-intensive. Alexander McCall Smith's "The Sunday Philosophy Club" seemed perfect, and given that the dead-tree edition always seems to be issued, I picked it up.

It has been three days and I find myself to be quite comfortable with the experience. The only irritant is that I cannot "see" the spellings. Isabel Dalhousie mentions many names, ranging from Scottish painters and poets to visitors and passers-by, and the Scottish names are hard to form in my head. Even simpler nicknames escape me - I found out from the link above that her niece was "Cat" and not "Kat" as I had imagined it. Did McCall Smith explain the name while introducing this character? You see, the other thing is that when a truck zips by with a vigorous honk, some words do get muffled. But I had chosen such a book where it would be possible to interpolate the story under such travel conditions.

The biggest plus is that, thanks to the excellent reading by Phyllis Logan, I get to hear a variety of Scottish accents. I am very interested and even fond of these accents, so it's a huge plus.

Pointing out your mistakes

Pointing out your mistakes

Referalls in tennis, though not so shrilly debated, are interesting to observe. Today, in an Australian Open match between Patty Schnyder and her 2nd-round vanquisher, Casey Delacqua, there was a rather curious incident. Schnyder put in a first-serve, which was duly returned by the Australian. However, Schnyder did not attempt to hit it back. Instead, she chose to call for Hawk-Eye to appeal a fault off her own serve!

She was right and the point was replayed. Schnyder spoilt the minor victory by crashing the next serve into the net.

Adapting like Tendulkar

Adapting like Tendulkar

Just been watching some highlights from the Perth Test match today. After watching Tendulkar safely cut over the slips, including one outrageous fine cut close to the body, it again amazes me how he manages to adapt to various conditions. Now, bouncy pitches like Perth or at Bloemfontain (where in 2001, Tendulkar merrily cut his way to a ton) aren't available for practice everywhere else. How does someone like Tendulkar summon up the resources and the confidence and even the cheek to try paddle-sweeps and fly-cuts in addition to the usual set of scalpels and power-saws in his quiver?

The answer has to be just an abundance of talent, or as some say, genius.

My kind of Business Quiz question

My kind of Business Quiz question

A business question: silly and loving it.

Q. Count Dracula is afraid of certain kinds of people. What term, for a certain person in business lingo, can be given to these people?

(alternate framing)

Q. If Dr. Abraham Van Helsing was in business, what business term would you call him by? (See picture for hint)

Sue Mott on monkeys and men

Sue Mott on monkeys and men

One of the few writers to see the wood for the trees, Sue Mott writes a wonderful article on the sledging-Aussie-India-Singh-Symonds affair. I'm sure we can expect a similarly balanced point of view from our simian friends, who surely must be more sane than any cricket follower right now.

Link thanks to Harish

Nano and the elite

Nano and the elite

In the Sunday TOI today, Swaminathan Aiyar analyses the opposition of many environmentalists to the Tata Nano, saying that "Elite greens own cars, but cannot stand the poorer masses becoming mobile, since the consequent congestion will eat into the time of the elite! More logical would be a protest against big cars that use more space and fuel, or highly polluting old cars. Instead, green hypocrites aim at a new car with the lowest cost, best mileage and least emissions."

Though I broadly agree with him, I don't understand how the "elitism" argument can be avoided with some of the "solutions" that he mentions as having been implemented in other places. These solutions revolve around making the use of cars unaffordable, such as making parking costly, allowing purchase of cars only to those who own private parking spaces, making fuel costs reflect their real value and so on. These will definitely deter people from using cars, but in these conditions, who are the people who will still be willing to shoulder that extra burden - again the rich and elite, right?

There are so many dimensions to this problem: pollution, public transport, traffic congestion, public spaces, to name a few. It would have been really revolutionary had the Tatas come up with a feasible electric car (Top Gear didn't think much of the REVA). That would still not have solved the congestion issue. Deterring people is fine, but what is the alternative? I don't like using a car in a place like Pune, whose narrow baby-roads are not meant for heavy traffic, and would love public transport successes of the likes of Indore (friends from Indore also confirm this) being replicated here. But it still seems to be a far cry away. Perhaps the situation will get so bad that the governments at all level will be forced to act.

Finally, there's the problem of aspiration: to many, on par with going abroad is the feeling of owning a car, a psychological boost to their ego. How do you decouple that from the economic burdens of a car, however small?

Faux News - 13

Faux News - 13

Faux News bulletin

(You know it's time if it's faux pas nine!)

Ektaa Kapooor wins Bhaarat Ratnna; Rakhii cries foully

Jan 15, 2008, New Delhi
Ektaa Kapooor, producer of TV serials, has awarded the Bhaarat Ratnna. She will receive the nation's highest honour at the hands of the President in a ceremony on Republic Day this year. Kapooor won the award beating off stiff competition from stalwarts such as former Prime Minister Atall Behaari Vaajpeyyii, other politicians Jyotii Baasu and Kaanshii Ram, cricketers Sachin Tendulkkar and M.S.Dhonii and a whole host of TV personalities.

The choice of Ektaa came as a surprise to many as Kapooor was a late wildcard entrant to the race. The strong support for the producer in the specially constituted electoral college was not evident earlier. The members of the college, who voted via SMS, seemed inclined towards Tendulkkar. However, the latter's involvement in the monkey-kaand put off some voters who wanted a less controversial choice this time. Rumour has it that the results were tied and that President Patil, an old fan of Kapooor's serials, put the casting vote in her favour. Rashtrapati Bhavan refused to comment on this, but the fact that all Presidential receptions strictly end before 8 pm tells a tale in itself.

Predictably, the likes of Rakhii Sawannt have complained against this choice. Rakhii said: "meraa tiikaa to usse achchaa thaa." Balaji Telefilms, in a press release today, congratulated its founder on the award, stating it to be a victory for all womenhood of the nation and just recognition for one who has brought entertainment, empowerment, and liberation from tyranny to half the country. To celebrate, the production house has announced that it will postpone the deaths of three of its oldest characters by another year, and will double the weekly break-time of its actors to 10 minutes.

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Marhabaa to the music of Jodha

Marhaba to the music of Jodha

Well, almost. They are taking their time, but the end is nigh. After bouts of helplessness, news is that the music of Jodhaa Akbar is likely to be at hand within the next seven days.

Three songs are playing on TV and radio spots, of which the radio versions, being almost full-length, have found their way online. "Marhaba" a.k.a "Azeem-o-shaan" is a regal and martial track blended with a melodic strain with interesting rhythm changes; Jashn-e-Bahaara is extremely dulcet as well as being simple; the most recent being Khwaja, which sounds like a trademark qawwali. All in all, has the makings of classic ARR. We'll know soon.

Coming back to the film itself, not completely sure about how the film's story is going to pan out (it looks to be sumptuously shot). I fear a "Rising" effect here: Akbar being made out to be this pan-Indian hero who battles for the sake of "Hindostaan". Akbar is one of my favourite historical characters, but from what I've read about him, I don't think he had an India-centric outlook, especially while consolidating power. The idea of "India" must surely have been a nebulous concept then (it seemed to have been so until the late 1800s, didn't it?) more akin to the idea of "Europe". Add to that the immense insecurity caused by Humayun's loss, Akbar's early ascension, the intrigues of the Lodhis, Hemu, and later the Rajputs. You really expect a young Akbar to say: "hum hindostaan ko galat haato.n me.n nahii.n jaane de.nge?" For that matter, some accounts I've read make Akbar out to be a squat, slightly ugly man with a mole on his face - a far cry from the outlines of a Hrithik.

Anyway, this is what is perhaps called artistic licence. At any rate, I'll treat Haidar Ali's (some of us may remember him from serials such as Circus and most recently from "Khoya Khoya Chand") story as a work of art rather than as historical document. However, I'm sure there'll be a few rumbles as the film's release approaches. Anyway, am mainly interested in the music, and the film itself is secondary!

Music Update: 11 Jan
Track listing is available here (flash content to be navigated, sadly). In addition to the three vocal tracks mentioned above (voices: a large-sized chorus, Javed Ali, A.R.Rahman respectively), there's a duet called "in lamho.n ke daaman me.n" (Sonu Nigam and Madhushree) and "mana mohanaa" (Bela Shende). Two instrumentals complete the lineup, a flute version of the qawwali and more interestingly, an oboe version of "jashn-e-baharaa". Do not know of any instrumental tracks in Indian albums to feature a solo oboe, so looking out for that one.

A few Marias - 2

A few Marias - 2

1. Evil Under the Sun
2. Murder on the Orient Express
3. The Murder of Roger Ackroyd
4. The ABC Murders
5. Murder in Mesopotamia

Monsieur Hercule Poirot, Dame Agatha Christie.

Oh lord, is there no justice?

Oh lord, is there no justice?

Emraan Hashmi dies (presumably, he was asleep at the wheel of his car, if the title's last three, nay four, alphabets are to be taken as a hint). He is re-incarnated as Himesh. Undoubtedly, there is some twisted poetry in this casting.

Bucknor and Federer

Bucknor and Federer

Now that Bucknor ain't going to Perth, Harish imagines a visit to Melbourne where he umpires a Federer match. Heh heh.

The fall-out and the falling-out: what they don't seem to get

The fall-out and the falling-out: what they don't seem to get

It hasn't been a week into a new year and cricket gets punched in the stomach already. There's just so much news and views flying about that it's hard to keep one's hat on. Here's an attempt.

What the Aussies don't get
* Ricky Ponting doesn't realise he's seen as being (and mostly rightly so) as statesman-like as a headhunter in Borneo aiming for the world record in skulls. The whole affair has turned into a question of integrity (what Inzy would call "izzat"). His behavior on the last day was fairly provocative and did not show any of the restraint or objectivity expected of an international captain.

* Clarke and Ponting have both explained that they felt they had taken their catches, while many viewers thought the opposite. In fact, Ian Chappell felt the same way about Clarke's case. I respect Chappell for his independent views, even though I don't necessarily agree with him. So assuming he has no reason to lie or cheat, the problem is as follows: these three think that the grounding of the ball happened after the ball was in control of the catcher. I'm not sure how this interpretation came about. It is commonly accepted that the ball should not touch the ground at any stage until the catch is completed. On both counts, this was not so. This little difference is at the heart of these incidents. I do not know how the Aussies came to believe this was so - no one else would agree. You try everything to keep the ball off the ground while taking a catch such that there is no reason to doubt your control of the catch. Clarke and Ponting do not realise this (read Rajaraman's account of his run-in at the stormy press conference at the end of yesterday).

* Clarke also does not acknowledge that essentially it is not his opinion that the catch was clean that matters. It must seem from the outside to have been clean. His opinion is superfluous to proceedings. The fact that Benson made that significantly stupid error in consulting Ponting (and the naivete of the "pact" - more on that later) should not obscure this.

* Gilchrist has been subdued in his reactions to Kumble's "one team was playing cricket" comment. He is somewhat justified in claiming that he did not know whether Dravid had nicked the ball or not - we can never tell. It is only speculation and opinion that leads people to claim he should know - I do not not have the experience to claim this. However, there is no doubt that he was carried along with the ugliness of the spirit of his team on the day, which will remain a blot on his record.

* The Australian cricket team does not seem to understand the seriousness of the situation w.r.t how it is being perceived in India. The Indians have a genuine grievance made worse by the fact that there is, as in the Harbhajan career, a couple of patterns. One, the Aussies have themselves escaped serious penalties in the past, right from the Slater-Dravid-Venkat incident in 2001 to the Sarwan-McGrath case. A Lehmann-ban apart, the Aussies are seen to have "getting away with it". Very few in Oz seem to recognize that. In addition, as in 03-04, the umpiring decisions again swung mainly for Oz. I have it as 8-2 in their favour. Ponting should at least have the grace to admit that had Symonds been given out at any stage, the match may not have gone the way it did. Their refusal to acknowledge the significance of the luck going their way becomes galling for the ordinary fan.

* Symonds says that Harbhajan deliberately struck Lee sparking off the confrontation. When did this happen? Why didn't he complain then? Why did no one see this?

What the Indians need to get right
* Harbhajan Singh has some serious history behind him. He's no angel or "genial offspinner" as one TV channel chose to put it. All this talk of "giving it back to the Aussies" before the series may only have worsened things for easily-provoked types such as Harbhajan. The Indian team has a certain style and the captain is no coward. But don't be oblivious to this fact.

* By and large, the Indians have come out well. Kumble's just about managed to rein his emotions - a gargantuan effort matched by his courageous batting. Tendulkar has strongly defended the offie, and that is a huge certificate to have. They have got to keep the high ground. But did they complain about Hogg too late? Perhaps they should just go to the umpires each time an Australian says something. And carry a tape-recorder.

* It's a pity (as Harish rightly said) if the Indians don't play at Canberra. They will anyway play at Perth, it seems (unless the players can put their feet down against the board's pressures), and a chance to give Pathan, Sehwag, VRV Singh, perhaps even Karthik would have been lost.

* It was incredibly naive of Kumble to have agreed to the "word of the catcher" pact. I know it was meant to be of the "batsman asks catcher" variety, but how did he think this would work? And I don't mean to suggest Ponting would have used this in a Machiavellian sense: Ponting himself is incredibly naive in saying "this is how cricket should be played". Is he nuts? This was never going to work - it's very easy to trust to be eroded, even unknowingly. Vaughan had rejected this in the last Ashes - I hope this will be the last such mistake by the rookie captain. It was very cynical of Clarke to walk when he had edged a sitter to slips given the diabolical nature of the umpiring (he's had a horrendous run with the bat), but I don't think the Indians shouldn't ooh-aah about that. He was out and clearly so, and even the umpires couldn't give it out.

Proctor, the BCCI, the ICC
* Proctor was under tremendous pressure to be seen to be strict. After his see-sawing on the Yuvraj-dissent case and the whole Hair episode last year, he's got it wrong. Unless he's seen something no one else seems to have.

* The BCCI was just about better than a bunch of headless chickens this time, but with Rajeev Shukla and Niranjan Shah and Prof. Shetty all over the channels, thankfully they'd didn't totally screw this one up. However, I remain cynical of their worth - remember that flip-flop on the Sehwag-Denness case where Sehwag had to serve out one Test's ban?

* The ICC - well, that's another fine mess you've got us into. Here's four things you can do:

1. Get Simon Taufel and Aleem Dar on the plane to Perth, pronto. Even if they make mistakes, no one will accuse them of incompetence or worse, racism.
2. Stop the umpires from making a fool of themselves on field. The idea is to get decisions right, not worry about undermining authority or technology. Do whatever it takes to get the decisions right, even if it means having to overrule the on-field umpire. This may waste time, lead to ridiculous appeals and so on. Penalise effectively for this, but don't let the poor umpire stand there with his pants down.
3. Get the backfoot no-ball rule back. The umpires are standing so far behind. Put the rule back and allow the umps to see the no-balls properly and then have time to consider the LBW carefully.
4. Do we need a match ref AND a third ump? Get the ref's hands dirty, or at least get him to overrule the third ump when the ump becomes a chump.

And finally, the media. Reports of the "Dark underbelly of aussie reporting" came to the fore. Well, we have our own tabloid news channels here, who liberally used the word "cheating" and what not. Some decent reporting came in from Kadambari Murali (Hindustan Times), Gaurav Kalra (CNN-IBN), Siddhartha V (Cricinfo), and so on. But some of the reportage was exceptionally bad. Rediff used the headline "Prem Panicker: Ponting should be banned" while Panicker seems to have not used the words himself, it was what many hysterical commentors were saying. They don't see that the stalwarts of the Aussie media such has Peter Roebuck have strongly lashed out against the Aussies. Wonder what Richie Benaud is saying. Need some statesmen around. Wonder what the Don would have said.

Naughty thought: If the situation really boils over into something massive that splits world cricket, would the ICL benefit from this? Could the Aussie board refrain from banning ICL cricketers? Whatever happens, we all love a good black nose for the ICC and the BCCI, who have utterly let down world and Indian cricket respectively.

Finally, I read a news article about jail inmates going on a rampage in Jalandhar. Regrettable though the incident was, I was relieved to note that it was not to protest their fellow Sikh's punishment. Such is our (certainly my) overriding occupation with cricket at the moment. Can't really blame everyone else now, can I?

* (update) It seems that despite all the hullabaloo, Bucknor will stand in Perth too. This perfectly sums up the myopia of the ICC and the reason they continue to regress each year. That's enough - come back. Since 1992 and the Indian tour to South Africa, Bucknor has continued to torment the Indians. That's enough - come back home. Bucknor is a cool investment for the ICC - he earns them a whopping 2 million dollars.

Oh, and Mr. Kirsten: still want the job?

Three things

Three things

1.Mole: A source who's got his ears close to the ground
2.Web 2.0: What they didn't call the sequel to the first Spiderman movie
3.Kiraaye ke tattoo: Temporary body-art

Giving back

Giving back

A.R.Rahman launches a Conservatory and Orchestra under the "KM Musiq" label. Hopefully, it'll give some new kids a lot of good opportunities. Nice to see the man give back to the art.

Monkey wrench

Monkey wrench

As I write this, Harbhajan Singh, Andrew Symonds, and co. are probably arguing the allegedly racist comments. It's fair to say that most Indians don't think too much of being called a "monkey" but obviously it touches a raw nerve for other cultures. However, the argument that Indians worship a monkey-god and hence it can't be a racist-word is hilarious - tell that to people who get called a rat or a buffalo. Perhaps a better line of reasoning is a Darwinian one.

Assuming the Turbanator (who has a long history of run-ins with the likes of Ponting, right from the days of Sharjah) didn't use that m-word, what could he have said? A few guesses that appeal to another mon-word, that of "the mondegreen":

1. "Mai.n kyaa, yeh kyaa bol rahe ho jii?" - He's Punjaabbee, so "mai.n kyaa" is quite possible.
2. "Man kiyaa to kuch bhii bolegaa kyaa?"
3. Or the entirely possible "maa ki" ki roti or the unlikely invitation to partake of "makki di roti"
4. Perhaps Harbhajan was trying to sledge Symonds' Hindustani classical knowledge by finding out if he knew all about "mia.n ki todii".
5. Or, given the tough situation, he was singing that famous "Guddi" prayer song: "humko manki shakti denaa".

If you think the above was farcical, in my defence, was just trying to mirror some of the events of the 2nd Test.

Ground-breaking stars

Ground-breaking stars

Aamir Khan is no stranger to heart-racing climaxes that culminate film competitions, having successfully pulled it off in films such as “Jo Jeetaa…” to “Lagaan”. But to see him execute, as actor and story-teller, a quietly exhilarating end to “Taare Zameen Par” in step with the story’s rhythm came as another step in his evolution as a man of the movies. As with the ending, there were several creative decisions by the debutant and the film’s main creative force, Amol Gupte, which could have easily gone awry. But to their enduring credit, most of these decisions came off with a flourish matched by Ishaan and Nikumbh on their respective canvases.

The result is a film of a rare kind. Take its music (Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy), which finds a harmony with the story-telling in a way few other films have achieved. From the sparkling harmonica riff to the guitars accompanying the evocative lyrics (Prasoon Joshi), it had the right amount of rebellion and longing. Its actors allowed themselves to be awkward and uncomfortable, painting middle-class mindsets through the unsure mother (Tisca Chopra, seen so often on TV before, and wonderful to see her do such a fine job here) and the all-too sure father (Vipin Sharma, who's slightly unidimensional at time), not to forget the rare cinematic sight of a clever AND sympathetic sibling (Sachet Engineer). The film scores in its refusal to take the easy route out in painting easy villains. Instead, it tries to replace them with a bunch of people in grey-scale: conditioned, overworked, and unquestioning of life, just like most of us.

It was good to see a mainstream Hindi film that took imagination seriously. Amol Gupte’s hands make magic, first on the blue walls of Ishaan’s room, and later in the various art-ifacts that dot the movie, ending with *that* Ishaan portrait. Not a pixel of the opening credits sequence or of the Spaceman Spiff sequence goes wasted – clearly the film is a greater blend of various artistic talents than we may realize. Consider the genius of the choreography in “Jame Raho”, and you’’ll know what I mean.

The film does flicker occasionally, threatening to fall prey to that great enemy of good intentions: the ‘preaching’, such as Nikumbh ticking off Mr. Awasthi who meekly caves in. Thankfully, like Ishaan, whenever the makers stumble across this line, they get right back up. Often, the rescue is led by fine cinematography (Setu) who, along with his director, captures the slow descent of a paintdrop, is wonderfully mobile in following Ishaan into puddles, and is confident enough to attempt a Vertigo-zoom to capture a moment of fear for Ishaan.

What I liked best about the film was how well it captured the sense of loneliness that comes from not being part of the mainstream. Anyone who’s felt “atypical” should recognize the sense of yo-yoing from arrogance, helplessness, denial, and frustration. Such are the ideals of academic meritocracies that they can sometimes ruthlessly cull anything that doesn’t “fit”, which is why it was good to see the teachers at the Mela experience the feeling of being awful at a skill.

What will happen to the obviously talented Darsheel Safary when the buck teeth fall out and life catches up? We’ll wait and see. Just cherish the lad for what he is right now. As for Aamir Khan, full points for not stealing any thunders. My usual complaint about him playing the same kind of strong-willed, confident, sensitive, earth-moving personalities holds. Wonder if directorial success will give him the impetus to play more diverse types rather than just diverse occupations. But he remains a filmmaker (we can use that word now) to watch out for. But let’s not pass judgment on his skills just yet. I’d wait for a film which completely belongs to him without an Amol Gupte to do the groundwork.

Back at the end. Usually, I’m left alone reading the end-credits. But this time, I wasn’t. That, and the spontaneous applause tell a tale of their own.

2nd Test - Day 2 - Diary notes

2nd Test - Day 2 - Diary notes

V.V.S Laxman: "No doubt, must emigrate to Sydney in 5 year's time. Keep eye on SCG real estate prices"

Adam Gilchrist: "Has anyone seen my pink gloves?"

Steve Bucknor: "I don't understand the fuss. This is football, we don't have third umpires"

Mitchell Johnson: "Wow. I bowled to V.V.S today. Pity he's out."

At #125, starring...

At #125, starring...

There, between Indiana Jones's Last Crusade and Yojimbo, is this. Interesting.

(note for readers from the future: Taare Zameen Par was on the IMDB top 250. By then, you'd know for how long.)

A few Marias - 1

A few Marias - 1

* "Kaisi Hai Yeh Rut" - Srinivas, Javed Akhtar
* "Kuch To Hua Hai" - Alka Yagnik, Shaan, Javed Akhtar
* "Aao Naa" - Sadhana Sargam, Udit Narayan, Javed Akhtar
* "Chup Chup Ke" - Mahalaxmi Iyer, Sonu Nigam, Gulzar
* "Bol Na Halke Halke" - Mahalaxmi Iyer, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Gulzar

And Shankar Mahadevan, Ehsaan Noorani, Loy Mendonsa

A good Hindi music year

A good Hindi music year

2007 was a very good year for Hindi film music. A year in which A.R.Rahman did not release any major Hindi film soundtrack, these were some albums and songs that I'm sure I'll listen to some of these for long in the years ahead.

A list in no discernible order:
Khoya Khoya Chand, Taare Zameen Par, Water, The Blue Umbrella, Delhi Heights, Cheeni Kam, Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd., Nishabd, Johnny Gaddar, Manorama Six Feet Under, No Smoking, Life... In a Metro, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom.

(Haven't yet properly heard Saawariya or Jab We Met).

Neither Buck-nor Luck

Neither Buck-nor Luck

I wake up early in the morning and switch to the cricket (parents wake up even earlier!). It's a surprise: not the 2 wickets in the left column (Aussie-style), but the fact that here is Mr. Bucknor at one end. Though it is Mark Benson who first gets a couple wrong, by the end of the day it's India's most favourite (!) wicket-taker from the land of nod who has left his mark. Give Benson the benefit of the doubt - it's just the company he's keeping right now.

It's naive to blame an entire day's outcome on one man, but the Indians and Steve Bucknor just don't get along, especially in Tests in Australia. In 2004, some of his decisions in Sydney may have cost India the Test and the series. Everyone knows you need some luck to win against Australia, but enter Mr. Bucknor and luck takes a vacation. The Indians could justifiably take a day off, ruing the loss of Zaheer and later the missed chances.But back they've got to be the next day: it ain't over yet.

Putting on Nielsen's hat, he must be worried at the sudden fragility of his middle-order. This is the worst shot I have seen Michael Clarke not offer. R.P.Singh got the best of all the left-handers he bowled to, but Hogg, once again, showed the way. I like this George Bradley - like many late Aussie bloomers before him, especially fellow-Hs Hussey and Hodge, he's doin' it when he's been given a chance.

Days like these

Days like these

In the world of dates, the 1st of Jan is a genuine superstar. Everyone loves it, they dream about it days in advance, they roll out the red carpet in anticipation, they put on their best and pop a bottle of the bubbly. They're in love with the idea of starting anew and saying to the old: "out, out, damned spot".

Which makes me feel sad for Dec 31st. Perhaps Dec 30th is even worse off - at least people look forward to the evening of the 31st. To people, they're stale reminders of the last 360-odd. People just want to get through them - ooh, I can't wait for the Eve's evening, they shriek. Wonder if people who are born on the 31st of Dec wish their parents had shown a better sense of timing and could've just waited another day before their eyes twinkled. Do they complain: why me, mom?

Anyway, with thoughts like these, I realise that with each passing 31st Dec, I become more and more like the orbit of Pluto, i.e. eccentric. Do I demand a Festivus for the rest of us (or the restive-us)? - I don't know. But here's me, biting into toast, thinking of poor ol' 31st Dec, as the weary day gives way to the dazzling youngster ahead who knows not what lies ahead. Thirtyfusst for the restofuss!

"A Study in Emerald" - Neil Gaiman

"A Study in Emerald" - Neil Gaiman

George, bless him, pointed out this story (A Study in Emerald) by Neil Gaiman in a comment about my previous post about Gaiman.

Now, I used to think of Gaiman as a niche fantasy writer whose exploits were limited to graphic novels that some seem to be great fans of. Indeed, what I know of him has mainly come from Sud and Kunal S, who brought their love for the likes of Gaiman and Pratchett to the BC.

But reading "The Day the Saucers Came" and "A Study in Emerald" has completely changed all that. So bowled over I was by the Holmes pastiche that I re-read the story 3-4 times and was mesmerised by the effort. I have read a little bit of the Sandman series, but this definitely merits a much more careful study of the man's work.

Let your hair down

Let your hair down

Strike while the hair is long. (on how late-night celebs are taking the forced break caused by the Hollywood writers strike to let their hair down.)

The languages of Pakistan

The languages of Pakistan

A very nice post on Language Log about how the variety of languages in Pakistan have been suppressed, ostensibly to carve a single national identity. An interesting stat quoted there was that according to their 2001 census, Urdu is only the 6th most spoken language (presumably first language, as the %ages add up to 100%) of the top 7.

My perception based on what we see of Pakistani officialese, media coverage, and politicians-cricketers was that Urdu was the most spoken language, which means at least outside the country, the state-sponsored promotion has worked well.

As noted in this post ("napunsakalinguistics"), I know a few people who think Urdu is a preserve only of the muslim community and thus not meant for "us". If the Pakistani stats are true and if such a sentiment can be quantified, it can be further argued that Urdu belongs more to "us". Luckily, I also know people who have fallen in love with the language and have not shied from sharing this affection with me. Having recently obtained a nice Urdu dictionary and being able to finally make sense of some gems-é-"shayarii" and some Hindi film lyrics, I can only agree with their point of view.

Man, Byte, Dawg

Man, Byte, Dawg

Shiv Sainiks attacking M F Husain exhibits is so cliched. The day when M F Husain attacks Shiv Sainiks, let us know.

One more down

One more down

That's a lot of Bhuttos wiped out in 28 years. Pretty sad for a country to have this sort of thing going on.

Missing Mood Indigo

Missing Mood Indigo

Suddenly realised that I am missing Mood-I, after two consecutive years of soaking in the crowds, the pronites, the sideshows, the quizzes, the transplanting of BC quizzing to IIT-B for four days, the word games, the music, the December cool of the campus.

A Tear for memories of 2005 captured then. Pity I didn't record much of last time.

Twiddling thumbs for Jodhaa Akbar's music

Twiddling thumbs for Jodhaa Akbar's music

The wait for the music of Jodhaa Akbar seems to only get longer and almost interminable. There isn't much clarity as to when exactly the soundtrack will make its way out into the open. Matters are not helped much by the second teaser trailer featuring a song called "jashn-e-bahaaraa", which sounds delectable.

I have found it exceedingly hard to follow the music of Vishal Bhardwaj because he always seems to fall outside the mainstream distribution channels, but when that also seems to happen regularly to India's premier music director, then one wonders what is going on.

Meanwhile, in a revival of the rumblings, the controversy surrounding the provenance of Jodhabai has resurfaced on some TV channels. The murmurings that some chronicles do not seem to record Jodha as Akbar's wife came as a surprise to me, especially after NCERT books and Durga Khote's cinematic dilemmas. Expect this only to get louder as the film's release approaches - perhaps riots, bans, politics will ensue as has become par for the course now.

The Day the Saucers Came'

'The Day the Saucers Came'

I had no idea Neil Gaiman could write this type of verse as well. Superb.

(thanks to Abhishek for link)

The not-so funny castrato - revisited

The not-so funny castrato - revisited

Earlier this week, I had made an indignant post about the BBC reporting a story about humour and gender. Turns out the same Language Log I had been trying to imitate had already posted about this "news item", noting correctly that the source for the news article was a spoof article in the British Medical Journal, so there was nothing to really worry about (i.e. I was right about being sceptical.)

But the speed with which the meme has been picked up in news outlets around the world (see same LL article for several links for examples) should be cause for concern!

Horror-ible joke

Horror-ible joke

Q. Why did the Tamilian pay extra to get the horror movies TV channel?

A. Because it was a "pay channel".

Previous Tam-friendly bad joke.

The not-so funny castrato

The not-so funny castrato

The folks at Language Log routinely complain about how bad the science reporting at the BBC is, pointing to several cases of over-generalisations, bad summaries, misinterpretations and so on (an example). I found one such case myself, where this news article, headlined "Humour 'comes from testosterone'" and subtitled "Men are naturally more comedic than women because of the male hormone testosterone, an expert claims.

Reading the article, it seems that the "expert"'s method was to cycle around the streets of Newcastle upon Tyne on a unicycle and document reactions from people. Based on his observations that most of the men recorded made snide comments, while the women were kinder. Without even getting into the merits of this approach, I'd like to point that hardly do smart-alec comments translate fully into "humour", in its wide and varied forms. Does this take the 'expert' all the way in explaining away why males have more of a tendency towards humour? There is certainly no excuse for the assertive tone of the headline.

BTW, I must say that in my own small (perhaps non-representative) world, my experience has been that males are more likely to indulge in language-oriented verbal humour. I have observed female participants in this activity, but the numbers have been considerably tilted the way of the gender with the testosterone. But I would hardly venture a theory of aggression to explain this, which is perhaps why I'm not quoted in the science pages of the BBC!

(A cursory search reveals a lot of interesting links on the subject)

A School for Scandal

A School for Scandal

It has been brought to my attention that there seems to be a college called the "J. Ramanand Girls College". Now, this is potentially just misuse of nomenclatural rights online (i.e. someone's taking the mickey out of me) because the only place it seems to appear in cyber-space is in this wikimapia annotation. Zooming out (a lot), this seems to be situated near Jhansi.

The sinister-ness of this link is still under question - or has someone seen the greatness in me already? Could I be the youngest in history to have a girl's college named after a real-life person? I wonder, I wonder.

M. Palin, Salil C., Polyushka Pole

M. Palin, Salil C., Polyushka Pole

Was watching Michael Palin's "Full Circle", a typically engaging travel documentary featuring "the nicest Python". I this series, Palin is traveling around the Pacific Rim, and one of his first stops is in Russia. He befriends a Russian who sings a popular folk song called "Polyushka Pole" - Palin records this and eventually gets to sing this along with a naval choir in Vladivostok.

Now this song was immensely familiar. The reason? It has the same tune as "Dharti kare pukaar ke" from Bimal Roy's "Do Bigha Zameen", scored by Salil Chowdhury (also recorded at I2FS). The original Russian title seems to be literally translated as "Meadowland", which seems appropriate. The song also is said to appear at the beginning of "Castaway", a fact which seems to have escaped me (remember Fedex employee Tom Hanks in Moscow at the beginning of the film?)

Salil Chowdhury, in addition to being a great man of creativity, was also a communist, and his political leanings would have provided access to Soviet culture as well, hence explaining the roots of this famous Hindi film song. Did he acknowledge the inspiration - I don't know. But it's not just Awara and Disco Dancer that went northwards - some of it came south as well.

Extrapolating...

Extrapolating...

Left for the Day --------> Right for the Night

Watch out for the whole Hogg

Watch out for the whole Hogg

The touring Indian cricket team would have cheered had Stuart MacGill found some way to stave off an injury-related operation. The legspinner, long considered the "best understudy" in cricket (a completely overrated claim, IMO), not only bowled his customary one four-ball per over versus the Lankans in his most recent Test series, he sometimes bowled two per over. A score of 400 in a day is easily attainable with MacGill tossing down 30 overs in a day.

In contrast, his replacement, Brad Hogg is harder to deal with. I agree with Ponting when he says Hogg is not so easy to pick. Kumble has said that the Indians think the Aussies have a weak link in the spin department, which is true (some what), especially given the very large shoes of a certain blond cricketer before. But this Indian batting side has had its share of trouble with left-arm spinners, from Ashley Giles to Paul Harris. Of the two left-handers, Yuvraj Singh is not the best against spin, which leaves the in-form Ganguly and the ever-aggressive Laxman to perhaps attack Hogg. Tendulkar in particular needs to watch out for Hogg.

Baba Bangaali Inc.

Baba Bangaali Inc.

Marginal Revolution had a post about a new firm called Stick where you can set a goal as well as the consequences for not achieving it. Since I had recently seen Anurag Kashyap's "No Smoking" (about a man who signs up with a mysterious agency designed to help smokers quit with bizarre penalties), it seemed very similar to the idea - only you voluntarily set the outcomes.

Thought it would make an interesting kernel for a story. I then read the comments on the above post, which mentions "Quitters Inc." (Stephen King) which has been cited as the basis for "No Smoking", and also another related book called "Kill Me" (Stephen White). I guess the David Fincher-Michael Douglas film "The Game" also visits similar territory.

As a (structured?) procrastinator, I find this whole concept very fascinating!

Watching Vishal Bhardwaj - a Blog

Watching Vishal Bhardwaj - a Blog

I suppose "start a blog" is a reaction to many problems. For the last couple of years, I have become aware of how difficult it is to follow the movies and music of Vishal Bhardwaj, given that he has no website or media channel to go visit. Assuming there are others who feel the same way, I've gone and started a blog to collect links about forthcoming Vishal ventures. Additionally, it should also serve as a place to write some more about Vishal achievements of the past - let's see.

George has been closely (and commendably) following the man in the news, as readers of his blog would know. He should be joining me on the Vishal blog too.

The blog can be visited at this link.

An embuggerance and D'Ball

An embuggerance and D'Ball

1. He has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. The news was officially announced on the website of one of his collaborators. In an interview published there, he, in characteristic fashion, quaintly called the fact "an embuggerance", said he was mildly optimistic about his chances, and said that he hoped it would not interfere too much with his next couple of books. He also appealed to his fans to not ask him how they could help, because they couldn't, unless they were some sort of brain specialist :-). Who is this writer?

Ans: Terry Pratchett

2. Last week, Luke Pomersbach became the latest Australian to represent his country in international cricket, playing a T20 match vs NZ. The call up came in strange circumstances: he had been recently suspended by his state side for some alcohol indiscipline; he had come to the stadium with his girlfriend to watch the match, and suddenly found himself the recipient of an invitation to play for the national side. This was because another player had suffered a back injury in the dressing room an hour before the match began.

So Pomersbach was issued the kit of that player and found himself batting in the last overs of the Aussie innings. Now, we know that the Aussies have their nicknames on their shirt-backs in T20 games (Church for Gilchrist, Roy for Symonds etc). Pomersbach had "D'Ball" on his shirt (the name was shortened for lack of space).

So the question: whom did he replace and what was the full nickname of that player?

Ans: Brad Hodge, "Dodgeball"

Boy, cook ten

Boy, cook ten

I'm unwell and my mind is febrile. Needed some diversion, so decided to mess around with my orkut profile (I love-hate orkut, btw). I have noticed people updating various fields on their orkut profile, and since I aim to be inscrutable and enigmatic, I'm unable to reveal with any honesty, such trivial details about myself. Juvenile humour is the next best thing, so a sample of what I've been upto:

Headline: "He's Out!" or "Dewey Defeats Truman!"
turn offs:: ignition, light, and other electric switches, right turns, turnstiles, turntables, turner classics, "turn turn turn" by The Byrds
my idea of a perfect first date: January 1st. No wait, November 1st. No wait, July 1st. Damn, 12 choices, all so tempting.
from my past relationships i learned: to read, to write, to do mathematics, to eat, to drink, to walk, to tell time, to point
five things I cant live without: air. water. food. neurons. muscles.

The books of Christopher Priest

The books of Christopher Priest

I have a post about the books of Christopher Priest, one of my favourite writers of recent times, on the community Lit blog.

Some, like, it hot

Some, like, it hot

There are days when I find myself, like, due to people around me, lapse into an occasional like. If you do too, then heed this and don't sound stupid.

From Language Log

Weekend, summarily

Weekend, summarily

Most hectic weekend in a long time. Must... blog... no... time... sneeze... throat itch... passing out... grasp for keywords...

Saturday:

taLjaai, morning air, conversations, COEP, quiz, more quiz, even more quiz, shabrii, loins of tandoor, laugh till death and resurrection, landmark, moser-baer, hunt, find.

Sunday:

khoya khoya chand, tickets, home, call, pt. bhimsen joshi, lunch, dash, ramanbaug directions, flawless approach, just in time, mobile transmissions, conversations, even more lunch, rasoi, the baby with the digitus impudicus, lolling before the storm, dust, hangman, sudha raghunathan, maamiis, people, maate malayadhwaja, vaataapi gaNapatim, tea, more tea, rahul sharma, vijay ghate, conversations, music terms, morsing, even more morsing, back rests, lambii khaamoshi, pattice, familiar people to avoid, more pattice, watching the sky, sleep, photographs, the sky again, conversations, the belchomatics and meeting the fart-ernity, laugh guts out, L Subramaniam, the wait, the wait, gyaan, plucking with the pinky, ambi, applause, magic skill, time to go, shivering, feet and head uncovered, unresponsive ignition, 15 mins to house, end of day's play. Monday:

cold, cough, a bad day.

Dystopian vision

Dystopian vision

It's 2037. You are sitting alone, watching the world go by. Thoughts flit in and out, it's a free market and a flea market. You don't raise a hand to stop them. Your mind wanders dangerously. You think of Hindi film songs of the past. You stop. He comes to mind. You're thinking of Himesh Reshammiya's music.

Now the question is: what word describes this feeling?

The answer: Nose-talgia.

The Calling

The Calling

You said you'd call. I haven't gotten anything done in the last couple of days because of that.

You spring up all out of nowhere. I haven't seen or heard from you in a year. Not in real life, anyway. But suddenly you write to me. "Hey little lolpop", goes your email. "Send me your number. Will call asap."

I haven't gotten anything done since then.

I write back within a minute of reading it. I conceal the bubble of excitement that's sprung inside me. "Hi A! My number's ...". I send it. I forget to ask you your number. Obviously, I can't make international calls - well, I can, but think of the hassle! But if I knew what your's was, I wouldn't feel the hammer inside my heart when I hear my phone go and see an unfamiliar number backlit in green.

But you don't call. You said you would. In fact, no one has called in the last three days. For three days, my cellphone is conjoined to me. I make no move without it. I switch it off when I take my bath - I don't want to risk you calling when I can't pick up and leaving me a trail of your attempt. I reckon this way you'll try again and not assume I'm too busy to take your call (I'm not). (Oh god, did you call when I had it switched off and did you assume I was too caught up even to keep my phone switched on?) I could have emailed you again, but then can I, do I, should I assume I have the right to smother you with my desperation, my craving? If only you'd call and if I had the guts to ask and burn your answer on my frozen self.

Where are you? What are you doing now? You have my number. Unlike the phone, my life's on hold here. Call me.

It's a week now and the gravity of my situation is slowly dawning upon me. How does one describe seven days spent simply reacting - to sounds, to movements, to voices (mostly inside). I look at it objectively and I realise I have made demands and expectations of you that were unjustified. You clearly have a life and you have no right to cause any suspension of anyone else's. I'm downgrading the alert level. Thanks for this week - my mind has grown in the tepid vacancy of waiting for something to happen, while it was happening all along. Thanks - for not calling. I couldn't have done this with you.

Which is when you call me. "Hello!", you say, in your sunny tones. It's been a barren week. I have spent it clinging to an edge and I had finally let go. "I'm so sorry I couldn't call you! It's been so weird here - you have to hear all about it. First, tell me: how are you?"

You said you'd call. You have. You actually have. "Hi", I whisper back shyly, completely failing to conceal my bubbles.