(story) Release

They came out like bats, screaming, steaming, streaming. Happy to be free, knowing they were lucky to see daylight. They collided with each other, momentarily scrabbling the air into an alphabet soup filled with the likes of 'aard-supercali-noccinihili-expialidocious' and 'flocci-fragilisti-pilification-zwang'.

"And those were my last words", said the sad lexicographer before the hangman tightened his noose.

(story) While I was away

Once the epiphany sank in, he rushed out of his Himalayan cave to inform his fellow-men. World Peace! Poverty Elimination! Green Fuel! He had the answers. Were those years of excruciating meditation worth it? You bet. All eighty three of them.

In contrast, it took him just a week to figure out all of Earth had relocated to Europa thirty years ago.

The definitive wife

I often see a lot of fellas, usually the young, articulate, can-write-well types, use the phrase "the wife" in personal narratives. An example:

Today, the wife and I exchanged glances that would make Emraan Hashmi feel chaste.

Ok, it wasn't a real example (no one can make the #me feel that way). But you get the point.

So when did references to the prettier spouse take on the definite article? What kind of egotistical world does everyone live in, where a reference to "the wife" can be made without any fear of misunderstanding?

I might understand if the Pandavas said "the wife" at home. "The wife is pleating the sari that Krishna gave her - will take some time", said Nakula to Yudhisthira.

Are people shy of using "my wife"? Has it somehow become politically incorrect to do so; does it imply objectification of the lady, a degree of unhealthy possessiveness? Or I am just the confused by-product of a post-modernist-feminist Captain-Subtextual polysyllabic era?

Perhaps I should just ask a wife.

Of course, the wives of these gents seldom use the phrase "the husband". They use that execrable word "hubby" instead.