Faux News - 8
Page Three does not cut it with paper recyclers
By our Media correspondent
In a strange controversy, paper recyclers in the city are nonplussing sellers with their discriminatory paper rates. The neighbourhood "raddee" shop will now offer you much lower rates for city supplements of a certain newspaper.
Traditionally, paper recyclers offer greater rates on English newspapers over vernacular editions because of better paper quality. However, recently the Pricing committee of the city recyclers association has decided to offer lowered rates on English papers that contain popular city supplements which feature "Page Three" type news. Speaking exclusively to this correspondent, Mr. K. A. Agaji (spokesman for the association) said this was because of fierce opposition from the "Bhel & Other Puris Organisation" whose members were principal consumers of used newspapers. Apparently, the BOPO finds it difficult and embarassing to sell bhel and chana in cones adorned with sizzling snaps of the latest "item" actresses, for families in turn are their main consumer base. These families at the end of the marketing chain are averse to corrupting their children with the same, and the whole shockwave has rippled up to strike at the rates of the "raddeewaalaas".
When contacted, the PRO for the newspaper was nonchalant, claiming that it didn't have any readers in the bhel-eating segment and anyway, their faithful readers preferred to cut out the supplement ("collector's issues" as he described it) instead of selling it where it would be fingered (sic) by some greasy purveyor of cheap snacks. He also offered to run this very interesting story on their First Page with other human interest stories such as the model who sacrificed her all to bring back the trend of bell-bottoms with polka-dots and the TV actress who discovered a cheaper alternative to glycerine.
Right now, the middle class seems the most miffed, but as Mrs. Teena Paan, a faithful reader, put it, she'd wait for direction from the popular celebrities in their responses to the weekly poll on such issues.
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