Faux News - 9
Big banners announce 2005 Diwali dhamaakaas!
By our Bollywood correspondent
Scarcely has the festive season ended that producers have started to look ahead to next year's Diwali. Two big production houses have announced big budget films with grand starcasts.
Leading the pack is the granddad of sentimental romance, Jus Chopper, who revealed he was now making a love story of international proportions. Providing an exclusive preview of the film, he said it would be set in post-war Iraq and post-Bush America. To be called "Mir-Sarah", it documents the "human love pangs between Mir Yasser Hussein (an Iraqi freedom-fighter/terrorist) and Sarah Jane Smith (investigative reporter and the President's niece)". With a tagline of "I'm embedded in your heart", the story is how Mir & Sarah meet in Fallujah, fall in love between two Cruise missile attacks and are separated by the Marines who incarcerate Mir in Guantanomo Bay without any recourse to the Geneva Convention. It takes 22 years before pop group Boney M write a song and help reunite the two.
Mr. Chopper declined to answer how he will obtain permission to shoot in Iraq, but sources have disclosed that Holi-Bartan, a US based production house which is reportedly owned by the US Vice President is a key partner in this Indo-US co-production. Thanks to his influence, mustard & sunflower seeds imported from Punjab have been planted in the shooting locations. This revelation could be an embarrasment for the US administration, for documentary maker Mikael Mealy has threatened to expose this nexus in his upcoming film "Kelvin 273".
The film will feature Sarak Kahn, Julie Robert & Boney M, with Client Westwood & Dana Buster Keaton in cameos.
On the other hand, rival production house "Liberation Arts" has no plans to go international after their recent megastarrer Ate-Rats (the most controversial film ever) featuring the 3Cs: Ax Coumar, Caren Cooper and Pinky Chopper. Instead, they are planning a sequel called Ate-Rats II: the Mouse who came into their home (the second most controversial film ever).
Directors "The-Men-in-Black-and-White" refused to make the disclosure that this film was influenced by the Hollywood hit "Stuart Little". Quashing all rumours, they said this was actually based on a true incident in which Kobe Bryant adopted a mouse. They however confirmed the cast would feature the 3Cs again, Coumar as the adoptive father, Cooper as the adopted mouse and Chopper as the evil cat.
Producer Sue Basch Guy said she was in no hurry to complete the film and hence had allotted a time of one year to the directors. She has much to look forward to in the coming months, with the release of her much-awaited airplane romance "Cessna".
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