An Introduction to the Principles of Porcine Aviation in England

"We have now successfully demonstrated how a member of the Sus Domesticus Airline can successfully take off. To recap, take 11 men in white {must include atleast one exceedingly beefy specimen}, all native {NOTE: the word "native" includes any member from neighbouring countries in a radius equalling the distance to the centre of the earth or with any evidence of commonly shared genes} and to get them to reduce another 11 to ashes.

Now a note on maintaining the flight (taking off is relatively easier). This will require another 11 {extensible to 14 over a period of 90 to 120/150 minutes} with one Scandinavian native on the side with fluctuating domestic life. To sustain flight altitude, they will need to get a leg past assorted men in blue, yellow and the rest of the colours of the rainbow. {NOTE: They must do this in the finals of the Finals}

It is very easy to land back on earth {the thud-degree depends on the amount of "hype" factor generated towards the end of flight}. We shall describe one such mechanism here. For flights in late June/early July, add any number of men/women/boys/girls/toddlers in white, on a fading green background {NOTE: To economise, simply fetch a person with the first name of "Tim"}. The landing can be delayed, but not avoided.

Thus ends our primer into what passengers affectionately call the "Swine Airline". We hope you have a pleasurable flight on the Oink 747s."