Cutting glass mein bawwaal

Cutting glass mein bawwaal

"I will not watch a cricket match in future", says Shah Rukh Khan. Well, two simple things:

a. Intelligent man that you are, Mr. Khan, you must admit that it is sort of a big coincidence that you started showing up at all these India matches just before and after your movie (which you also produced) was released. Plus, your latest co-star was always in tow. You had not really been seen like this earlier. What are we to think? If you had said "haa.n, maine ye paap kiyaa hai, cricket ki muhabbat ke khaatir", nothing would have been amiss. Go ahead and promote your movie, irrespective of what people like me say - it's your prerogative to do so.

b. BCCI: you may forget this, but you have a sport to run. It doesn't get affected by which cinestar shows up. In fact, I'm surprised that the Lalit Modis of the BCCI, who have dollar signs embedded on their retinas, have not spotted another financial opportunity here. Strike a deal with such stars, whose movies are going to soon be released. You can easily charge ten bucks more per seat if you let people know in advance that a Shah Rukh is going to show up. It will also help in recovering some of the money that is routinely lost in giving VIP passes to all and byes-legbyes.

Still, even if the king of chess pieces resolves not to watch any more cricket, may we suggest taking a leaf out of Pete Sampras' book, who spoke for many of us yesterday when he said: "I just stay home and watch Roger win on television." (not that many of us were thinking of coming out of retirement.)

'Rahul' is back

'Rahul' is back

Since I don't remember the theatre in Bombay where I saw the Sunny Deol starrer Arjun (my first ever in front of the big screen), I consider Rahul Theatre in Pune as the place where I first saw films. Since we didn't go to many films then, it was an uncommon treat of sorts to go to Rahul for a Sunday matinee. I particularly remember watching a lot of classic Chaplin films, including The Gold Rush and One AM.

Later in life, when we came back to Pune, Rahul (along with the likes of Mangala) was still at the top of the pecking order when it came to city theatres. DDLJ was watched there. Soon, each college morning for 4 years, Rahul would be on my way to COEP. The two listed movies for the week would have their names spelt out in block letters outside (just one, if it was a real blockbuster). A particularly fond memory was seeing the names Satya and Hyderabad Blues unchanged for several weeks in 1998. Even then, I remember realising something had changed in Indian cinema. I also remember watching Lagaan soon after the exams that concluded our COEP stint in 2001.

In a couple of years, the multiplex revolution had swept through the city, led by City Pride, and followed by Inox. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers was the last movie I saw at Rahul. Soon, the 5-screen E-Square hungrily towered over Rahul next door and that was the end of Rahul. For about two years, Rahul has been under construction. There was no announcement outside and it wasn't clear (to me) whether the place had been sold or was being refurbished or was changing professions. Last week, I saw Rahul open, without any fanfare, now apparently a little multiplex of its own, with at least two screens. This means it has gone the Mangala route, and can perhaps survive a little with the benefits that a multiplex can claim.

Whether this will make any real change to its current position - I do not know. The difference was stark in the last days: the service was ordinary compared to the new waves of "plush service" around us, and no wonder that the mall-tiplexes of the city have magnetically drawn people towards them. Still, a little crumb of nostalgia survives. I wonder if they still serve the expensive cabbage-stuffed little samosas. Does anyone know?

Richie's rich wit

Richie's rich wit

Commentary during the 1st Test between Australia and Sri Lanka at Brisbane, a week or so earlier (paraphrased):

Richie Benaud: It was here that Jonty Rhodes made his spectacular run-out in the 1992 World Cup, diving into the stumps. I think it was against Pakistan.

Ian Chappell: I think it was Imran that he ran out.

Ian Healy: Um, it may have been Inzamam.

Richie: In that case, it may not have been that spectacular.

The great man was joking, of course. It was a photographer's delight, as is obvious. (A report of the incident).

Harry Potter and the list of seven

Harry Potter rankings

I finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (book kindly made available by the vegetative Irishman). Felt that the tying up of the ends was satisfactory if not spectacular. I think the endless waiting, all 400 pages of it, for them to get out of the tent and do something, got to me. The last 200 pages went in a rush and a whoosh. I must confess to turning the pages hurriedly when that happened. Alas, the fact that I had read the sixth in the series 2 years ago meant I did not get a lot of the references and continuity, and was too bored to look it up. Perhaps, this explains the slightly tepid reaction.

Anyway, Stephen King wrote a far more peppy defence of J.K.Rowling, which makes a great read in itself.

A disclosure: I started off feeling a little snooty towards the Harry Potter series when it first made the bestsellers' lists. 'Twas the third book that made me a bit of a fan (I even raised my hand as a Harry Potter fan on saturday at the Comics quiz :-)). But before the fans get cocky on having scored another point, here's a personal ranking of favourites in the series:

1. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

A journeyman speaks

A journeyman speaks

One of the Headingley 2002 heroes, Sanjay Bangar, has a nice little post on playing for traveling on the Indian Railways. (link courtesy: friend Arun K.) I hope he won't mind me calling him a 'journeyman'.

If you like train journeys, read these accounts by Shamanth and Salil.

A slightly geriatric prodigy

A slightly geriatric prodigy

Happy Children's Day to you too. I'm celebrating the day by reading Champak, that too in Marathi (courtesy a kind friend who probably recognized that my actual age is far different from my chronological age). After a small teary-eyed nostalgic note to wonder where my entire collection of Champaks and Tinkles and Chandamamas disappeared, I move on to my main topic of discussion.

Everyone who knows me agrees on one fact: I am no child prodigy. It can be safely said with some amount of confidence that I shall never be one. If you could be a child prodigy whose talent was hating child prodigies, then it may have been me. I grew up a little disgruntled at these child prodigies, especially musical ones. There, they would point, look at him - he's a child prodigy, they said. Implicit in that accusation would be a minimisation of the talent part and a maximisation of the dedicated/hard-working/sincere part.

But with the passage of time and with the benefit of years, I am no longer threatened by child prodigies. I am able to consider them with avuncular eyes (whenever the eyes are not busy doing un-avuncular things). I saw a special "Children's Day Special" (sic) on CNN-IBN, which featured a chess player, a young girl whose a female Tathagat Avtar Tulsi of sorts, and "Keyboard" Sathya, who's made a name for being particularly adept at playing carnatic classical on his keyboard.

I have time on my side, and the competition is either dying by the roadside or has just given up. In about 40 years, I'll have the last laugh. I'll be a slightly geriatric prodigy.

No, wait, that's A.K.Hangal, about whom (with all due respect to his fine work, especially in Hrishikesh Mukherjee movies), it can be safely said, in the immortal words of Lakshman "Lucky" Prasad Sharma: "woh to paidaa hote hi buDhDhaa ho gayaa".

The long tail

The long tail

In addition to recording that he finds one-day cricket boring (and I agree wholeheartedly), Harish also wonders which channel to watch for the old and almost forgotten movies.

I think the situation is still not as bad as the music scene where sadly, most TV and radio presenters and producers cannot see beyond the late great R.D.Burman (mostly, I think, due to their own ignorance). I'm still impressed with the catholicism of Zee Cinema. If you can get past the never-ending ad breaks, you can enjoy films from a range of genres and themes. Mithun and "Mixed Doubles", Raj Kumar Kohli and "Makdee", "shanivaar ki raat amitabh ke saath" to "somvar ki raat something ki laat" (the Rajnikant dubbed movie fest - anyone know the actual name of the series?). The only problem is the timings - you never know when you'll stumble on a good one.

Then there are the likes of Filmy and Sahara One and the really, really bhuule-bisre movies channel. Between them, they do a decent job. Just keep surfing.

Music from the heavens

Music from the heavens

Khoya Khoya Chand

We must be pardoned for being excited about the return of the trio of Sudhir Mishra, Shantanu Moitra, and Swanand Kirkire, after the melancholy magic of "Hazaaron Khwaishen Aisi". Their latest paean to movies of the Dev-saab era is nicely titled, though I still prefer the previous title "Bahut Nikle Mere Armaan".

The music is a refreshing throwback to the sounds of the likes of S.D.Burman. Though, I found some of the songs (and singers) a little underwhelming, and not very memorable (yet). The attempt is praise-worthy though, and seems to capture some of the lilt of those times. The standout songs for me were the title track, a thumri called "Chale Aao Saiya.n", and the opening of "Thirak Thirak".

Swanand Kirkire takes up the mike for a very rough-edged "Khoya Khoya Chand" with great effect, capturing some of the moods of "Baawra Mann" that he so effectively rendered last time. The "sitaare noch luu.n" bit seemed a little jarring, but overall, the lyrics are quite wonderful. Shreya Ghosal with "Chale Aao Saiya.n" is excellent, as is the song itself. It has a very nice ebb and flow. The leading percussion of "Thirak Thirak" is very reminiscent of "Hotho.n Pe Aisi Baat" and is terrific on its own, but the rest of the song never quite lives up to the promise of the song, though the sargam that outlines the title track is pleasing.

In his review, Raja Sen mentions that Moitra yet again uses an old English song. Assuming this is true, I wonder why Moitra does so, spoiling his scorecard each time. Unless this is an underhand dig at how, even in that so-called Golden Age, many of our hit Bollywood songs came from sources.

Since the other songs also do have many elements of interest, this album is worth many a listen.

---

Taare Zameen Par

Rounding off this season's astronomically-inspired film titles is Aamir Khan's first-as-director (somewhat appropriately, like the other 'perfectionist' before him did with "Chachi 420", he took up the baton displeased with the results of the earlier director). Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy provide music for this, and return to "Rockford" territory. Prasoon Joshi, who like Kirkire, has provided hope for the lyrically-minded listener, does a good job along with the trio.

A simple but different-sounding album, punctured slightly by the need to insert some nonsense lyrics in some of the songs, is what results. (The Vishal-Gulzar combination still is safely top of the pack when it comes to songs of children-centric films.) My own favourites from this album are the title track (sung with feeling by Shankar Mahadevan), the guitar-laced "Kholo Kholo", and the quietly sentimental "Maa".

In a very nice touch, the music was released at the hands of the ailing Shammi Kapoor. Again, worth giving your time and attention, this album.

---

And at the risk of jinxing it, the wait for the music of "Jodha-Akbar" grows more intense with the trailers and "Marhaba" playing.

Joke fit For-a-khan

Joke fit For-a-khan

Where the slum-dweller went after watching the latest Shah Rukh release:

Home, Shanty Home.

My heart is beating, at 24 carats per second

My heart is beating, at 24 carats per second

Q. Why did Zaphod Beeblebrox visit the Bollywood Brothel?
A. Because he'd heard the members there each had a "Heart of Gold".

No filmi scarlet women played by an actress who earns more than 10 lakhs per film can have anything less than a heart of pure gold. Rani Mukherjee in particular seems to have amassed so many gilded hearts that even after selling a few to Ashok Saraf, she still has a couple left over for any urgent heart transplants.

This has naturally made all filmi step-moms angry: why is that we reputedly have hearts of stone while these ladies of the night get all the gold, they ask (and with reason). What happens to the reformed streetwalker that the filmy dad brings home to introduce to the children as their new mum? Does she have to have a change of heart before she can cross over the threshold?

The portable gymnasium

The portable gymnasium

In a (very long) article on intelligence testing, James Flynn writes:

The best chance of enjoying enhanced cognitive skills is to fall in love with ideas, or intelligent conversation, or intelligent books, or some intellectual pursuit. If I do that, I create within my own mind a stimulating mental environment that accompanies me wherever I go. Then I am relatively free of needing good luck to enjoy a rich cognitive environment. I have constant and instant access to a portable gymnasium that exercises the mind. Books and ideas and analyzing things are possessions easier to access than even the local gym.

If only we who teach could make more of our "subjects" fall in love with ideas. Then we would have truly effective interventions.

I thought this passage was one to think about and internalise.

"Eternal Sunshine of..." Hang on, I've forgotten

"Eternal Sunshine of..." Hang on, I've forgotten

My newest day-dream waiting to be turned into a profitable enterprise is this: remember when you watched The Others, The Usual Suspects, Memento, The Prestige, The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable? If yes, you do remember, then share with me your teardrop of misery.

For when you watch these films again, you know what's going to happen. You will hopefully discover a new layer, relish the little post-revelatory hints that the writer has strewn along the path, marvel at the ingenuity. But you will (and you should) miss the feeling of surprise that hit you when all was revealed. [Especially if this intellectual 'climax' was originally satisfying, you didn't foretell the twist too early, nor did you have to go sheepishly to someone asking to be enlightened.] It can happen only once - never again, ever again.

Which is where we at Hakuna Inc. step in. Come to us within a week of watching such 'twisted' films. Studies have shown that until then, your mainframe of a cerebral cortex defers moving such short-term memories to its long-term store. In fact, most of its batch jobs happen at the end of a 30-day cycle. Our patent-pending Leonard procedure will help terminate critical memory fragments leading to almost 95% erasure of such good memories (according to studies performed on a captive audience of ushers). This leads to nothing more than a vague sense of déjà vu, which is usually explained away as an allergic reaction to black cats near by.

A couple of days after this procedure, someone will come to you with a recommendation for this cool, new, movie-with-a-twist. You slip in the DVD and settle back. A couple of hours later, you've just had the time of your life. The movie ends with an ad for Hakuna Inc. For when you watch these films again, you know what's going to happen...

Oh so-so question

Oh so-so question

For a recent quiz, I made an audience question. It's not a very remarkable question, but I enjoyed the process of creating it. I was travelling back home by bus, when someone switched on a little lightbulb somewhere. I asked myself: could it be possible that they both happened in the same year? I was reasonably sure about X, but not about Y. Y would have happened a few years earlier. Excited about the possible coincidence, I hurried home and checked a few websites. What a coincidence! Both had happened in the same year. What are the odds of these two unconnected events happening in 1980, only to be linked together 27 years later? You know you're a trivia-fan when this causes you to skip a beat.

At any rate, here's the question:

1980 was a good year

+ X’s greatest moment came in this year
+ It was an Indian first
+ Liem Swie King was the final hurdle

+ Y was an obvious reincarnation of a 1975 Hollywood film
+ One of the top films of that year
+ Kishore and Rafi both received Filmfare nominations
+ The music directors won a Filmfare award

Events of November 2007 seem set to eclipse the above two

Identify X, Y, and their current relevance.

I didn't know both Kishore and Rafi had received FF nominations - another superlative bit of trivia waiting to be discovered, in relation to the "current relevance".

It just gave me a lot of joy. Sad, isn't it?

Update with answers

As some people correctly wrote in/commented, X: Prakash Padukone (winning his All-England crown), Y: the film Karz. Incidentally, Kishore Kumar was nominated for the song "Om Shanti Om" and Rafi for "Dard-e-Dil", both of which are referenced in the new film.

Staying (VISA) power

Staying (VISA) power

A storm in a pyaalaa: the Pakistani government is upset that one of its ministers has been denied a visa to watch the next India-Pakistan cricket match. The tiny fact that there's an emergency on at home seems not to have dampened the enthusiasm of the minister. Or this is just a routine act of mischief by the said minister, who's quite the figure in such matters. Strange are the ways of statecraft.

Paper 2

Paper 2

I thought it was time for a post in which I don't complain or moan :-). A paper, based on my M.Tech work, has been accepted at the Global Wordnet Conference 2008. My earlier paper had only a section from me, and was more in the nature of an interesting observation. Whereas, this one is based on my own work, which is nice, and is a little teeny-weeny drop of addition to the body of knowledge of the world.

Hasn't affected my Erdos number in any way, though :-). It's time to go look for an agent, so that I can get my own Bacon number.

The selection gave me a splendid chance to bug all my classmates by composing a large faux-hindi/urdu announcement and short their mental circuits. Was worth all the pain of writing the drafts :-)

Saturated and Fat

Saturated and Fat

I've noticed in the last couple of Saturdays that I've ventured out on the streets of Pune, that the roads seem totally saturated. The working crowd is out, paying bills, depositing money, shopping. It resembles those square jigsaw puzzles with 8 blocks and one free place, which allows you to move the other pieces into position. There seems empty place just for one vehicle to step into ahead and wait for the space to come around.

What happens when the n+1-th vehicle shows up?

The nearest main road is still undergoing cement concretisation. When it's done, cars can speed on both sides. I have to cross that road each day in the morning. How will I do that? There will soon be no natural reason for motorists to slow down. Should I invest in a cane and con these people into giving me a bit of the road, one square at a time?

There is a cycling path on the same road, on both sides. This is not as bad as I thought it might be. It is made up of those interlocking tiles (a digital road) that is in vogue these days, but the surface is not too rough. Unfortunately, sometimes the path has a big drain cover taking up real estate, forcing me to get onto the cement. But overall, it's decent.

I'm planning to retire too

I'm planning to retire too

... from cricket. Perhaps the day the little lad a.k.a the great man heads back to Bandra for the last time, I'll symbolically switch off the TV. I just don't have it in me anymore.

Flash back to the late 80s and the early 90s. I watched every bit of cricket I could. I grieved when we lost (a lot). I learnt the meaning of the word 'exhilaration' when the Indian team won. There wasn't much in between. For a long while, my best moment in life (that's right, my own personal best) was India winning the Hero Cup in '93. Even at that age, I knew that personal highs lay far into the future - this was both an act of patriotism as well as an act of pure love (or so it seemed). As late as 2003, I was bitterly disappointed to have to travel to Ireland and in the process miss most of the World Cup. In the pre-cable days, I have spent standing on top of the sofa by the window to peek into the neighbour's TV to catch India v England in England. I loved the BBC commentary on radio. I was like that only.

I was also fortunate to see the Sachin era from start to finish. The Dravid-Ganguly-Kumble follow-up and the Azhar prelude bracketed it beautifully. I may have missed getting the most out of Akram, but I followed Warne, Rhodes, Gilchrist, the Waughs, the short-on-talk-only Windies and Brian Charles, the Flowers blooming along with the Zimbabweans (perhaps the most saddest story in recent cricket history), the natty New Zealanders. And so on. You know it's the nostalgia trip.

But I just don't identify with this team, or even with world cricket much more. There seems to be no flair whatsoever around, and there's not much on the horizon. What Bobby Simpson fears the most is happening pretty rapidly: teams aping Australia with a rapidity that is disastrous.

My friend Roshan will be pretty happy with my weariness: he always considered cricket to be a waste of time, a productivity-slaying-devil. It's just that there are so many things to do, and cricket isn't part of it. There must be other sports to watch, other passions to learn and be part of. I prefer watching arbit county cricket or Pura Cup action on the telly - guilt-free and zero emotional investment. Or play me replays of Warne switching on his array of headlights on some hapless South Africans and Englishmen. Will probably watch some of the Tests in Australia because I love watching cricket early in the morning. The promise of it all just hooks me. The rest of the day never lives up to it.

Sachin: tell us when you're going. I'm coming too.

Ye hoos

Ye hoos

An article about the fining of ICICI for hiring hoodlums to extract money notes that

"Holding the ICICI Bank guilty of "unfair trade practice," the Commission termed such miscreants as "yahoos" and said they are boorish and a brutal lout (sic), who care a fig for legal and judicial authorities, including the Supreme Court."

Unless you're an avid reader of Swift or a quizzer who has encountered this before, you are unlikely to know that "yahoo" can refer to a member of a tribe that Gulliver encounters during his travels. As the wikipedia article on the topic notes that the tribesmen are "vile and savage creatures, filthy and with unpleasant habits". It's unusual to see this usage, especially given that in this WWW age, the ! has completely taken over. One linguistic point for the Commission.

Green and white

Green and white

I'm just following 'current affairs', naturally. By now, all of us, voluntarily or forcibly, know that lady Kareena and the cub scout of the Pataudis are "together" (one report said: "they bonded over yoga" - which is an interesting choice of words, because one of the principal meanings of 'yoga' is "to join or unite" - but let me stop defaming the ancient practice by relating it to tabloid news there).

Anyway, what I want to draw your attention to is: did you notice that finally, after hundreds of years of trying to put one over Othello, Iago finally gets Desdemona?

All hail the baahubali.

Parade Charade

Parade Charade

Each time there is political turmoil in one of our states (currently, the laughs are on in Karnataka, but each state takes turns), a "dishshen" to "parade the MLAs in front of the governor" will be taken. A headline appears next day to the effect.

This turn of phrase always intrigues me. A theatre of the absurd is hurriedly erected in my mind. I can see hard-working Raj Bhavan employees rolling down miles of red carpet. Soon, the MLAs, herded by the Chief-wielding-a-Whip, make their way. Like restless schoolchildren, they are made to line up beside the red carpet. They wait, and they wait. Some may even faint in the hot sun. Soon a flutter - the governor's here! The guv'nor walks down the carpet, taking his time. He picks out some random Hon. Member of Legislative Assembly. He looks at him head to toe. He moves on. The random MLA sighs in relief. Another member is picked out. This time the 'mahaamahim' addresses him. "Didn't I see you in a parade last time too?", he asks. The MLA nods. "Sir, that was a different party. I got a better offer here, on-site opportunities, a bungalow." "Good, good", says the rajyapaal. At the end of the line, he turns to the leader of the legislative party. And nods his assent. But what is this? a rogue MLA, a traitor belonging to the opposition, raises his hand behind the unsuspecting governor and yells "yeh sab kyaa ho rahaa hai"...

At this point I wake up. The absurdity censor has demanded a cut. "Too absurd", he declares.