Billshot Bungle

The only way Niranjan and I have been able to survive the urban morass of corporate jargon that pullulates life in the urban jungle is through ever-vigilant ridicule (it gets worse if we slip into the gutter ourselves). Bullshit Bingo no longer assuages the cringing soul, so we came up with an evolutionary brainwave. It's called Billshot Bungle.

The idea was simple: we came up with several malaprop versions of various terms of ja-aargh-on. You could spring it on people whose native tongue has morphed into managerese. Perhaps, like Tyler Durden in action at restaurants and films, this is probably a similar but low-grade form of guerilla warfare. If this causes some unused neuron in the recipient's head to pop in unease and shock, perhaps our job is done :-)

The idea is that the replacement 'Billshot' ought to be vaguely appropriate to the term and context that it replaces. We could do more, for instance, coming up with showstopping retorts such as: Are we on the same page. -> No, we're not even in the same chapter. But that's for later.

Here's our list.

Bullshit	Billshot
Keep you in the loop	Keep you in the noose
Touch base	Touch bottom
Learning curve	Burning curve/Learning kerb
On the same page	In the same cage
Going forward	Throwing/Blowing forward
Granularity	Granulocity
Stakeholders	Stickholders
Leverage these assets	Levitate these assets
Take it offline	Take it offshore
At the end of the day	At the end of the play
Heads up	Heads on
When the rubber meets the road	When the robber hits the road
Sync up	Sink in/Stink up
Set the right expectations	Set the bright extensions
Low hanging fruit	Low hanging foot / low lying fruit
Keep the lights on	Keep the tights on
Deep dive	Deep fry
Ballpark estimate	Ballpoint estimate
Bandwidth	Bondwith