Faux News - II
Boring vandals at it again!
From our Culture correspondent in Pune
In yet another protest from the morality police that seems to have estabished an outpost in the old cultural city of Pune, activists of yet another organization have threatened agitations and even vandalism against what they claim to be "lowering of standards in the Indian society".
In a press conference, the spokesman of the hitherto unknown "Rambhau Anna's Moral Bunch Of Gentlemans", also known as the RAMBO-G Brigade, Mr. Gaurang Zebadkar protested the recent decision of baker-turned-director Essel "Buns" Ali to cast renegade star Prem Kahn and star-child Premi K. Dev Annie in the title roles of his upcoming multi-million historical magnum opus Budgie Row & Mist-Annie. Mr. Zebadkar claimed that Maharastrian self-pride could not accept such a mis-casting. He said that these two Bollywood stars in particular epitomised the growing rot in Indian culture. Ms. Asmita Gujarati, leader of the women's wing of the Brigade and well-known garments manufacturer, accused the stars of polluting many young minds into following skimpy fashion trends, directly affecting the livelihood of several cotton mill workers. The RAMBO-G Brigade laid out a set of 6 demands, including the dropping of either one of the lead actors and replacing him or her with a local Maharastrian performer, in keeping with the "sons-of-the-soil" policy adopted by the organization. Taking a tough stand, Ms. Gujarati said "We've not worn bangles to see some outsiders make films on our heroes and misrepresent our culture". Both Mr. Zebadkar & Ms. Gujarati refused to comment on whether they had read the film's script to ascertain its validity.
This correspondent was unable to reach Mr. Essel "Buns" Ali, but his secretary informed us that Mr. Ali had no reaction to give to the press on this matter. Mr. Ali is said to be in South Africa scouting locations for his film. This is not the first time that the one-time baker has had to face criticisms over his movies. It may be recalled that the Alcoholics Anonymous group had been up in arms over Mr. Ali's last venture. Ms. Dev Annie was also unavailable for comment, and is said to be wrapping up work on her film Chum Maali - The Friendship of a Gardener. However, an irate Mr. Kahn did react strongly against his detractors and dismissed all criticisms that he was not the right choice to play the role. Friends of the actor say that he almost jumped out of his clothes in indignation when he heard the RAMBO-G Brigade spokesman claim that Kahn didn't even know how to speak Marathi. The same sources refused to confirm if Kahn's exact words were "Tya.nchaa Ai**** Du*** **** ***".
Budgie Row & Mist-Annie is a classic early 20th-century tale of love and sacrifice. Buddhijeevi "Budgie" Row, a seller of birds, rescued young Annie in a daring bid in the mist and rain from Hash Wednesday Chowk, (the flesh-trade bazaar of ancient Pune named after a notorious English opium trader who established it) where she had been forced to live by an evil uncle. In time, they became the leading lights of Puneri society and established a famous hotel called The Saturday Sambaar (some say it was by virtue of their close relationship with the then Vice President). Mr. "Buns" Ali has sought to portray their tempestuous courtship and happy marriage on screen as a tribute to his memories of the dahi vada during his college days at The Saturday Sambaar. He plans to release it on Valentine's Day 2005, a move that has further irked the militant members of the Brigade who have threatened to burn down The Saturday Sambaar in protest. It still remains to be seen which of the two parties will blink first, clearly this is a game of blinkmanship.
Jest like that!
Q: What did Fardeen Khan have to say when he found Pepsi was in trouble over the pesticides scam?
A: "It always happens to me. If I'm with Pepsi, this happens. When I tried Coke, the police got after me. Damn!"
Contributed by Faux Muddler
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