Kal-yawn-am

Would you really want to get married in front of the cabinets of 10 states and 2 Union Territories, one national cabinet, the casts of 5 multistarrers and assorted junta (both civilian and military ruling) ? If you would, consider being born into the household of the Sahara Shri (that sounds more like a bodybuilding title, to be honest).

I hope the younger Roys aren't anything like Augustus Fink-Nottle, whose nuptials caused him grave stress & exhalation. If they are, then they are in for trouble. At most wedding receptions, the broom-and-ride have a torrid time meeting hordes of people, shaking hands, nodding heads, smiling and receiving "Best Wishes from Mr. X and fly.". I have been a strong advocate for the use of modern technology such as flash cards and smiling mukhautas (a wonderful Russian storybook called Captains' Island had a female villain with a fake smile pasted on her lips) which may prevent the h(m)arried couple from being permanently disfigured and disabled. Fathers have to cop much of the blame, for they love to introduce all and sundry to the kids - they don't apply a filtering process. They have no pecking order, no list of most-wanted. They try to be egalitarian and introduce everyone who shows up. "This is my aunt's brother's third cousin". "Oh ho! You must meet him. He is the guy who didn't show me three answers in our XIIth Board exam, as a result of which I got into Engineering and not Medical".

The point I'm trying to make here is that I hope the Senior Shri is more considerate on this ground to his sons and dottirs-in-law-to-be, but having invited such dignitaries, he's gotta make sure he gets everyone on stage according to protocol. Even then, greeting ministers of every description is bound to take its toll. The Union Minister for Information Technology is ok, but having to shake hands with the Madhya Pradesh Minister for Animal Husbandry and Cow Protection is a little too much. I'd make sure the latter washes his hands first.

Don't even get me started on the phillumy guests. The rumour is that Karan Johar might shoot his next two multistarrers in three days in the scenic locales of the Sheher, for where else can you get these guys under one roof in the same block of dates? Rajkumar Santoshi bagged the contract for shooting the wedding videos, it is reported. That's quite a leg up for wedding video cameramen all around the country. Once Santoshi gets this entered into IMDB, the Union of W.V.C will make a collective representation to IMDB for inclusion of their credits, and to the I & B Ministry for the inception of a National Award in their category. Gone are the days when W.V.C would pan to catch the bride and her pretty companions, and the odd shot of an uncle easing a finger into his nasal cavities. Wedding Videos invariably left out recalcitrant relatives who would complain later that they never got to even one of the shots. Are they telecasting this wedding live on the Sahara channels? Will the guests wear the Sahara uniform with symbol pinned over their hearts like the newsreaders? Ooh, I'm all agog!

And is that why Bryan Adams was/is in the country? For the sangeet ceremony?