Indigenous commentary

Local maal is never good. Another example is this absolutely pathetic film called Swades. Here's a list of grouses as to why the movie is so awful:

1. "Emoshun, I want more emoshun in the frame!". How do I know what the actors really mean unless the emotion drips off their face into the bucket kept by their feet?
2. "Dermatological reasons". The only skin on offer was during a wrestling match between pahalwaans and when SRK is having a bath. Women are all wearing saris. Unbelievable!
3. "Where is the intense drama at airport?". There is no chase down the highway, with the hero deciding to not board the plane 3 seconds after lift-off. The only nail-biting moment is during the NASA shuttle launch. Honestly, I thought SRK would dive to abort mission by pressing a button when there was just 1 sec remaining.
4. "'I' se hota hai Item!" The only item song in the film is the heroine playing Sita in a Ram liila song. Aisa kaise chalega? According to the a.nguur-wine, there was to be a sizzling number by a former Miss Antartica.
5. "K-K-K Kaun?" What happened to SRK? Was his back hurting too much? They did not let him act at all. The guy can run, cry, sing and leap - all without lifting a finger. Heck, they didn't even let him recite a poem or two. Instead he's selling books, funda-maaroing on electricity generation and typing into Apple laptops. And not once did they let him say "K-K-Kaveriamma!!!"
6. "Yeh Kahaa.n aa gaye ghum?". Who were all these actors no one had seen earlier? This film must have had such a low-budget for what else explains the absence of Anupam Kher, Amitabh in a special appearance, Celina Jaitley, Vinod Kambli, Alok Nath, Amrish Puri and Joginder? There was not even a college-quad-60sprom-pompom dance by Farah Khan on Sharmistha Roy sets. And I paid Rs. 100/- for this!
7. "Itna sannaaTa kyu.n hai bhai?". My ears proudly ring with tinnitus whenever I see a Sunny paaji - Anil Sharma blackbuster (sic) (with Sunil Shetty in a special inspirational appearance). But here, hardly anyone raises their voice. Why should I pay for such low decibel dialogue delivery?
8. "Cut to cut". Were the censors sleeping? Don't they know that their main function is to ensure a minimum level of nudity and strong language in our films? How can they let this film pass without insisting on a few inserts? Sharmila Tagore should be sacked.
9. "Naach na jaane". Where were the trees? How will the hero-heroin (sic) express their undying love for each other. I was very confused when SRK flashes headlights into Gayatri Joshi's eyes. Was it because he likes her or because he wants to blind her into not complaining about his smoking? There was only one corn field in the entire film. And please, I don't want to see a Raasta-haired Mendicant Deshpande getting jiggy with it. Shabbo ko try kiya hai kya?
10. "Samajhdhar ko ishaara kaafi hai". Dude, tell me: who will go to a village with no broadband, no multiplex with pool table, no Indian Idol, no Coke, no Pizza Hut. Flawed, mate, totally flawed.

All in all, I was disappointed. By the very fact that I had to think about all this in the theatre shows you how entertaining the film was.