JaDe Project - 4: Master Outwitter and the rest

This is Super Commando Dhruva (refer The JaDe Project). Quoting from his "homepage", he "has no parapowers. An expert trapeze artist. Master in martial arts. Understands animal languages. can summon their help in crisis. Superb reflexes and has a yen for daredevilry. His most potent weapon is his super fast track mind which helps him outdo and outwit any enemy in crunch situations.
He is the only teenager-with-a-wise head-on-his-shoulder super hero in Indian comics. He was born and brought up in Jupiter circus. The orphaned kid was later adopted by Raj nagar Police Commissioner's family. He runs his own commando force outfit.". Informatively, it also tells us that his preferred dress code is in "yellow-blue", and his "Area of operation - Raj Nagar.".

His listed "Arch Rivals" go by the thunderous names of DOCTOR VIRUS, BONNA WAMAN, CHANDKAAL, GRAND MASTER ROBO, MAHAMANAV, COMMANDER NATASHA and DHWANI RAJ. More info (including his email id) can be obtained here (link).

There's apparently a great deal more to Indian caped crusader crimefighting than just The Master Outwitter as Dhruva is sometimes known. There's Bhokal, the well known Shaktiman, Doga, Tiranga, Inspector Steel, Anthony, Gamraj, Fighter Toads (Mutant species: Masterr, Computerr, Shooterr and Cutterr), Shakti, the all India famous Nagraj, Parmanu and Bheria. I didn't have the guts to venture there, but here they are for your eyes only.

Move over Superman, Robin and Captain America.

JaDe Project - 3

JaDe Interviewee Hall of Fame

His recent string of interviews confirm that Schwabe Akhtar is a JaDe Personality, without any doubt. His excruciatingly "put-on" foreign-accent-that-lies-somwhere-between-Rwanda-and-England, his habit of saying "Yay" instead of "Yes", his gobbling of most of his words and his total belief in his own "stylishness" and "stud-ness" (for want of a better word) make him a true JaDe.

When you compare his "shtyle" of conversation to Inzy's saraL bhaasha, it's no surprise that the Pakistani skipper comes out looking like the guy you want to believe.

John Wright speaks

Having missed John Wright on Shekhar Gupta's Walk The Talk on both Saturday & Sunday, I was hoping for a transcript of the interview in the Indian Express. The full (almost full actually, 'cos for some reason the second page is incomplete) text is available here (caution: the page takes a fair while to completely load).

The quietly influential Wright talks about his subdued leadership styles, about the team and its methods, and of the paramount importance of "honesty".

I can't help but admire people like Wright who don't possess a lot natural talent themselves but know how to give a 100% without making a fuss about it - it's tough to emulate such people. But the questions are beginning to come: is Wright the best person to take us to the next level?

The JaDe project - II

Navneet's latest post in response to The JaDe Project clearly shows that "hum jis school ke chaatra hai.n, us school ke woh headmaster (or atleast adhyaapak) rah chuke hai.n ". He's come out with a few gems from his tortured past. Indeed had Jaani Dushman not come along, this project would've been titled the Clerk project. JD's special effect sequences tip it over.

Some additions to the project (courtesy colleagues at work) in the field of Hindi subtitles for English films:

* Futbal-Shutbal Hai Rabba (Bend it like Beckham)

* TuuTa Tiir (Broken Arrow)

* and the latest entry Kamaal Dhamaal 3D (Spy Kids 3D)

Memorable

One other person apart from Christopher Nolan was key to the story - the editor Dody Dorn. That had to be quite a job. Some memories are not meant to be forgotten. All said and done, wow!

...and I took home the mention of Betrayal from it. But it is great to see that someone comes along to try and make a film like this and stir things up, do it with limited sets, letting us sink into the sticky web of detail and teach us about the possibilities in screenplay writing.

The ending was appropriate for the film - open-ended and left to interpretation. Layered and detailed, I do have to watch this a couple of times more to see if I reacted only to the structure and to see if there's anything I've missed out. Ebert's review was surprisingly not so cock-a-hoop about it like some others, and I took home the mention of Betrayal from it.

The opening moments are quite brilliant - rarely do the initial parts set the tone for the rest of a film like in "Memento". The storytelling does take some getting used to, and I must even confess that there were points when I wondered if it was all about structure and not about content. The ending would hold the key of course - I was actually happy in retrospect that there was no "magic" ending that would take our breaths away.
I did not realise its "non-linearity" was to such a degree that it really was temporally "linear" in a manner of speaking.

I was extremely careful not to wander anywhere near anything more than a cast listing about the film and its much touted "non-linearity". I did not realise its "non-linearity" was to such a degree that it really was temporally "linear" in a manner of speaking.
The opening moments are quite brilliant - rarely do the initial parts set the tone for the rest of a film like in "Memento".

I watched Memento yesterday finally and wasn't disappointed. So much of hype can accumulate when you hear and read about such films that the inevitable viewing almost always ranges from a letdown to a total washout. I was extremely careful not to wander anywhere near anything more than a cast listing about the film and its much touted "non-linearity". I did not realise its "non-linearity" was to such a degree that it really was temporally "linear" in a manner of speaking.

Some memories are not meant to be forgotten. All said and done, wow!

Why I vote

I was watching The Big Fight on NDTV 24x7 which debated why urban and young voters seem to shy away from voting. Most of the respondents had one of the following two opinions: either they voted because they strongly felt they could make a "difference", or they didn't vote because they were too cynical, and who thinks one vote can change anything anyway?

To me, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. No one can be so naive to believe that one single vote among lakhs can really change a great deal of things as long as we have only the "first past the post system". At the same time, one cannot afford to be so pessimistic as to believe that it doesn't have the possibility of contributing in some small way either.

The reason I vote is that even though I don't think my own vote can make a difference, I think it could make 1/nth of the difference, where 'n' is the kind of number that my favoured candidate gets, thereby ensuring his win. I can only hope that perhaps the rest of the (n-1) guys showed up and put in their 1/nth quantas each. That's what makes me go to vote (I'm lucky to have voted in both the "chappa" days (just made it) and in the electronic age!) - perhaps some day we will have changed something (implicit in this argument is that I consider myself enlightened enough to know who the right guy is). If not, perhaps I'd just have made a statement, if only to myself.

Somehow Cyrus Broacha is always in great demand during election times and he sheds his self-imposed clownish image to make some profound statements. Like his quote when Rajdeep Sardesai spoke about having "checks and balances" in the system. He said that that's why people get into politics, to get their cheques and improve their balances.

The JaDe project

To those unfortunate enough not to have seen Jaani Dushman: Ek Anokhi Kahani, I can only say you don't know what you have missed. It has become one of those rare cult films that we will pass on to our grandchildren and must do everything to keep its memory and DVD prints alive for the generations ahead. No history of Bollywood can be called complete without devoting a chapter or two to this seminal work.

I am not being sarcastic at all. I think that in the history of any art, when one assiduously debates and rates the films in "the greatest ever" lists, it is only fair to the study of the art form to also consider some films that may represent other kinds of "highs". According to me, Jaani Dushman: Ek Anokhi Kahani is the paragon of all those Hindi films that seek out to create something modern and classy but fail so miserably in their execution of their intended purpose that they actually end up being significant in other parameters. The makers set out to create a "cool" version in the art, but they just don't have it in them to pull it off. Interestingly, they never themselves seem to get the magnitude of the mis-effort - it probably looks great to them when they make it. This has the happy result of a compounding of errors.

To call this a "camp classic" does not in my book do it justice. Do not tell me that the endless production line Mithun-*.Naidu or Ramsay films are in the JaDe category (I feel the need to invent a new term for these), for these are well-thought out products that are targeted to a particular audience; they add those ingredients that are most necessary and sufficient, and they never try going beyond these "market" requirements. As a similar example, I offer the films of Karan Johar, which exhibit these same principles: the audience is the Northener or the nostalgic-NRI, the emotions and sets are those requisite for such an audience and so are the stories.

But the JaDe films aren't so: they think they're making a mainstream film, but somewhere, somehow the execution goes awry. The maker's intentions and his actual capabilities pull towards opposite poles. The result of this dilemma is a JaDe classic.

It is my contention (and observations bear this out) that each form of art, indeed each sub-genre of these art forms spawn their own JaDe classics. As long as we have practitioners of these various arts, and as long as commercialism, lack of common sense, an anachronistic sense of timing and lack of vision for spotting incongruity exist in them, we will have some wonderful examples of JaDe. It has become a project of mine to list such instances in different arts, and to further illustrate these, I list some of my acquisitions:

Current Indian Advertising:

I still haven't seen a mightier JaDe than this one. I refer to the P.P. Jewellers and Design Estate ad that has plagued the telly box of late. The ad is notable for several reasons. One, like any good JaDe classic, is the choice of cast. There are three faces in it, one being a swift cameo. The ad consists of two disparate strands, a guy looking (ostensibly for the girl), and the girl who exhibits a tendency to flit from point to point. (I'm not being parochial, but somehow these two seem to be Pakistani, but this is not germane to the analysis.). The fellow's hair is hennaed in parts, and he has a hair style not unlike Salman Khan in Tere Naam, only much shorter. His expressions are priceless, his looks of anguish|disenchantment|quest|dyspepsia are quite superb. Conversely, the lady, swathed in jewels and a heavy sari is quite a butterfly. The best moment for me comes with the cameo of a little lad whose overall contribution to the theme of the ad, or indeed the plot of the guy and the girl, is zilch, in fact it borders on the negative side of the number line. The kid points to something left-of-camera - it remains a mystery for ever. At the end, girl is seated and guy places hands on her shoulders. A voice over tells us the name of the product viz. P.P. Jewellers and Design Estate which is supplemented with the address on screen (P.P. Jewellers and Design Estate, Pitampura (sic), Delhi.). It ends with another classic line: "... because they are the only one". "The only one" for what? This remains a puzzle wrapped in an enigma tied in a pallu.

I have no hesitation in anointing it the first JaDe of Indian ads, because (and you guessed it right) "they are the only one".

Indian TV Serials:

What else but Alif Laila? This Ramanand Sagar mega production draws from the technological innovations of serials like Ramayana and Sri Krishna. Where else since Star Wars would you see tubelights being used as laser beams in a ghamaasaan battle on the decks of a fake ship being rolled up and down with shots of the sea being inserted behind? I forget the name of the main actor (I think it was Shahnawaz, he also played Vasudev in "Krishna") who seemed to play Sinbad, and Hatim Tai and many others. He is a talented JaDe bloke. Sadly, I don't remember much of it with the passage of time. There are those who contend that Chandrakanta may be a better JaDe topper, but I haven't seen it properly. I still feel the overreaching spread of Alif Laila would still win.

Dancing in recent Hindi films:

I'm doing him an injustice as I haven't seen Tere Naam, but I think I haven't seen any better than Salman Khan in it. I don't want to compare this performance with Jeetendra's Himmatwala and Farz as they were greats from different eras - how can you compare two from different generations???

Hindi comics:

I don't have much experience in them, but having heard of Super Commando Dhruv in a B.C. Joshi Owl-in-the-Bowl "Indian comics" speciality in 2003 (that round could be considered in a JaDe of the quizzing world later on), I feel that it could be a possible contender for this category. I recently talked to a friend who was a fan of it, and yes, the signs are promising.

More JaDes later as I collect them. Have you any contributions to offer to this blog?

Kill Pillai

It was a cool December night in Pune when I stepped out of the theatre after a much awaited screening of Kill Bill Vol. I at the Pune International Film Festival. QT's violent and lyrical imagery swam all about me: his films are such that the milieu seeps into you, and you emerge holding a thousand misplaced grudges to all those around you - each human is a body waiting to be... Trying to shrug myself of such dark and demonic thoughts, I pulled my coat around me and crossed the road towards the special parking area to retrieve my vehicle and be off - the time was 10:30 pm.

He came out of the dhaaba, and immediately felt the scythe of the cold wind. He jammed on his old and trusted hat, and wrapped his shawl about him tightly, but it proved little defence against the desert winds. He walked in desolation to the stables where he had tied his faithful horse and left it with a clutch of grams-and-grass.

There wasn't much traffic except for those fellow cinemagoers who were leaving the cinema house after the different night shows at the multiplex.

Still in progress

GMail Kamaal

Having been GMailed by Blogger like many others, was quick to delve into the goodies-list. It is already a UI wonder, for me. Simple and usable. But a tad slow, I thought. And is it refreshing on its own? Why? Sadly, too much javascript (but u wanted the goodies, didn't you?)

And you know, personally, what I found to be the killer UI feature? Not labels (great that I can create my own a la Netscape/Mozilla) or "conversations", but Keyboard shortcuts! Awesome! I can type 'c' and open a compose window. I can jump to my new mail. Best of all, I can hit '/' and jump to the Search box. What are a few targeted ads in front of all this :-) ?

Right now, I'm only using 0% of my 1000 MB space.

Update: Day 2 and I've already received my first spam mail - is it part of the "Beta" testing or are spammers that quick on the uptake? Also shot off a couple of "suggestions"...

Writing from memory

I don't like writing very much. I prefer thinking to writing as it is easier to do and fits in with my general tendency towards inertial sloth. Furthermore in a Jeromian way, I like to think about writing even more, but getting ASCII down onto text areas (I haven't written a word on paper in a long while) is too tedious. The reason this blog sometimes sees a supernovic (is that the adjective form I wonder?) burst in posts is because of inertia - since I've taken the infinite pains of switching on my PC, opening programs, and writing stuff, I reckon I'd rather flush out everything then and there.

It has been one of my childhood fantasies to keep a diary. But the chronicles of my life are littered with the corpses of diaries that began on January 3rd (having re-acquainted myself with the ghosts, as Scrooge would appreciate, on the Christian New Year and finally roused myself to resume that chore in 2 days) and died miserably and unattended on the 8th of January. I started a few on my birthday as well (I find that a more reasonable way of celebrating a personal New Year) but the cost of raising an unruly new-born was too much. I found the physical act of writing (serialising onto stable storage, if you will) too cumbersome, and not speedy enough to keep up the neurons firing away (the well known context of slow I/O devices and fleety CPUs). Add to it the fact that my penmanship would invariably go to pieces, aided by pens that loved to blot both the paper and my record, which was actually desirable as it meant an easily defendable fortress against anyone who accidentally peeked into it - they couldn't get past the camouflage of my inky (sooty?) handwriting.

Cut to the present, and I find myself having sustaining a blog for a long while. I like writing online - my backspace key keeps my sanity. I'm not obviously in the Wodehousian school of writing (lest you think I've gone again and acted high-and-mighty, I refer merely to his habit of churning out novels in a day-and-a-half, surrounded by beautiful sunshine and a dog at his feet, with words pouring out like treacle from the jar). For me, it is more in the streets of an Scorcese-RGV production - sinister forces lurk at every semi-colon, threatening to snuff out my slender cargo of enthusiasm and flow. But when it flows, it does flow; much like a stream of words from Pesci in a Tarantino flick.

Some of my best posts have been written in my mind; most of them have never made it to screen in their Sunday best. For by the time I have roused my skeleton to do the many things prior to clicking away furiously, the river has stopped raging and it's viscosity has increased manifold. The few splotches that I have flung on these pages are mere cardboard imitations of what they were. Which is why I would find tremendously exciting if Blogger would to suddenly announce a mind-blog. I have not much use for an audio-blog service, but would love a mechanism where I could post a blog by only thinking - raw, editing left for later, forceful and in its full glory. Perhaps they would hack at my mind, and find out all the things I am really thinking about and then sell me depression tablets or a trip to the MCG instead of quizzing buzzer gear. But I'd be ready to pay that price. Perhaps like Cruise in Minority Report, we will have personalised, visual advertising calling out our names, but don't I have a separate post on those lines already?

Why am I saying all of this? One, because I've started to realise that I actually like to write once I'm already writing. It is getting started that is the problem. I know I have to stop soon. I'm scared I can't. But I've done it in the past, so I know can do it soon. Two, if you think I write too many long posts, you now know you haven't seen half of it. Many of them were snuffed out in the slip between the cranium and the finger-tip. Three, it's getting to the end of this post and I am applying these brakes, and they're stopping...

Sigh! what a waste of time, blank spaces and html tags.

Web advertising

A talk on a mode of Web advertising the other day by someone who works in a company that deals in it was quite interesting. The mode he talked about, "behavioural" advertising was dubbed by him as a 3rd method of web advertising. The first two presumably being ads placed on "premium" locations on web pages (such as say, the main page of Rediff's portal, where almost everyone using Rediff services is sure to visit) and the other being ads generated based on the content of the page being viewed (Google's AdSense works this way - if you glance up on this blog, the ads you'll see there would be somewhat relevant to some key content on these pages). The former mode is essentially static, and works the same way as ads inserted in newspapers or featured on TV. It is generic, and aims to catch as many "eyeballs" as possible, and doesn't target specific individuals. The second is dynamic and probably works on the notion that if you visit a page containing the words "price" + "car" + "used", that you are looking to purchase old cars, and some s/w will pick an ad from its pool to feature on that page. It's dynamic because the page contents itself are likely to be dynamic.

Behavioural advertising goes further in this domain, trying to discern user habits and specialising the choice of ad to be relevant to a particular, specific user. If all these blogs (as they probably are) were monitored for patterns of movement among the links etc, some database would record that I am interested in reading about cricket and movies and quizzing, and could pick an ad showing me some attractive offers on movie CDs. Further, it could find a group of fellow bloggers who have similar interests, enrich its data and show them such ads as well. This does need some more infrastructure behind the sites, but it means more effective selling. There are several layers to this, but essentially it follows the same set of general principles used by the "offline" advertising world.

There were a few questions in my mind. Creating awareness of the product by carefully placed ads made sense, in the same way (as the speaker mentioned) a soft drink maker shows ads at primetime, or at important road junctions (in fact, he used "Vanilla Coke" in the US to illustrate his point, and coincidentally, one of the first ads I saw at home later that day was the new Vivek Oberoi "retro-ad" for the same). Web Publishers are paid depending on how many times that page with the ad was visited (which seems to be a different method of payment than in other media where the agency estimates that X amount of people will watch this show and hence the ad should be placed there - if for some inexplicable reason, too few people actually do, they wouldn't probably get value for money - but they would be wiser next time of course) and/or the number of times a user actually clicked and went through to more details, even a real sale. I don't understand how the advertiser actually ensures the publisher doesn't fleece him by artificially inflating web log stats by hitting the site. But the bigger problem as I see it is has web advertising become credible enough for "click-throughs" to happen? Personally, I tend to distrust any advertising I see on the Web, perhaps it is because it is just a statement by someone anonymous, or because of awareness of scam & spam, or because I haven't really tried it yet, or just because I haven't adjusted to the new medium yet. The speaker mentioned how Web advertising presently is only 10%-15% of the complete advertising pie, but unless I, as a Web user, can be rid of my inhibitions towards it, it'll still remain more as a medium of brand-introduction rather than an actual sales point for me.

Kalpataru

Have been meaning to do this for a while. Navneet houses his kalpataru here. Right now, it's in the middle of a cricketing blossom.

From Start to Finish - I

Ok, I've wanted to do this for a while, but always shied away from it because it somehow felt a little pretentious to do so. But it sometimes seems to me that I am not really making any self-inflated statements here, and it'll be a good place to dump these for future reference and perhaps to point any inquisitive busybodies with Web access to this place. It also gives me (for the moment) a rather large cache of things to feature on these pages, especially when the empty screen stares you in the face, the fingers are poised to hit the keys but the mind has chosen that moment to draw the veil of silence.

This, by the way if anyone is wondering, is to be a recounting of the whole Mastermind India (MMI) experience that engulfed me, in a manner of speaking, in the second half of 2002. It includes a extensive cast of Bangla-bhaashis, especially one from Pune, a supportive credit list of fellow quizzers, a national award + one sardonic artist from Mumbai/Pune + a fictional couple from over 75 years ago, misquotes and First class A/C compartments, and a silver whatchamacallit. It also subsumes within itself, the incredible story of The Lucky Tie.

Before The Beginning

I suppose it's fair to say that ever since the first edition in 1998, MMI has been the top quizzing prize in the country. This was clearly because we don't have any other open and national quizzing events, teamwise or individual unlike Quiz Time et al from the past. Add to it the somewhat majestic brand appeal of both the BBC and Siddhartha Basu, whose elitism and erudition both stand out as vivid counterpoints to the more commercial channels and their "game shows". It also means they can spin the "no-prizes" concept to further this effect: a grand testament to the finest spirit of amateur sport, unsullied by nasty competitiveness and crass commercialism of profit, very much in the best traditions of British sportsmanship (this being a utopian hark back to the past, of course). I do think, without being cynical or snooty, this is true to a certain extent - most members of the quizzing fraternity will not be put off by the lack of any reward, and it does further the reputation of the contest. In my case, it was quite ideal, given my famous jinx with moolah (that I'll touch upon later).

I hadn't actually given a MMI written qualifier in the two years prior to 2002 that I knew of it. Let me delve into the mundane specifics of this, for the benefit of those who want to know how selection works. First, the organisers of MMI, namely Synergy Communications, float the news of the qualifiers in the quizzing circles (these days simplified by the various Indian quizzing egroups that dot the landscape). In the first two years when the Web wasn't quite what it is now, I guess it was a combination of having a reputation as a quizzer or knowing the right people that got one invited. We first heard of the MMI open qualifiers in 2000, 64 contestants would be picked (it was 48 in the first). I didn't choose to take part in that or the next year, (a) as I didn't think I'd make it (b) I didn't know how it would work with my academic year (turned out to be a decent decision, because I don't think I'd have had the same success with the amount of time at my disposal, plus the shoot times might have clashed with submissions and exams) and (c) most importantly, wanted to get into a situation whereby if I made it, I could win atleast one round. That was the only goal I had, to make sure I'd do everything well enough to win the preliminary round. The reason behind that was I didn't think it was easy enough for people to qualify more than once (since it's a selection based on many factors, not just the test, a previous participant could be ruled out in favour of letting others have a chance, plus there has to be a three year gap).

So I didn't feel like taking it, and I didn't. I hadn't reasoned it out in so many words, but given that not too many people from Pune were being picked and there were better quizzers here then, it was a good 20-20 decision. I remember Gaurav and Hirak (who'd taken the tests) that they thought they'd done well among the other Punekars taking the writtens, but hadn't qualified. That's because the Mastermind organisers have a selection procedure (and this is clearly stated in their rules) that not only takes into consideration, the performance in the test (which is obviously a GK test, with a large scoop of current affairs) but also profile (age/gender/profession/city). They do it to give the quiz a balanced look across regions and backgrounds, otherwise, I can promise you, there would have been more engineers (with so much quizzing in the millions of engg. colleges) there. I also feel thus it is difficult for students to make it, because there tend to be so many of them. Plus if you are a good quizzer from a low-profile city (say Lucknow or Saharanpur :-) ), you'd have to stave off lesser competition than if you were from Bangalore or Mumbai. Essentially, your chances depend on a lot of factors. I don't think being Bengali helps ;-), if so, perhaps being Tamilian, does too?

Pre the Qualifier

2002, and I was out of college, fresher doing software development like many of the washed masses of India. The British Library and quizzing e-groups had put out the notices for the qualifier. There was a registration on the Synergy website which accepted the personal details and three topics of specialisation. I duly filled them up, and my three were: The Recipients of the Bharat Ratna, The Test Career of Adam Gilchrist and The Tommy and Tuppence Stories by Agatha Christie. A brief note on these choices: I had seen a book on the Bharat Ratna winners at Crossword a few months ago, and had always thought it would be a great MMI topic. Some of us at the BC sometimes spoke of good topics to pick, and I knew Bharat Ratna would fit in nicely. Adam Gilchrist seemed a compact scope (Harish would think of the same), and I had genuine interest in his career. As for T&T, it would come for in amusement in certain quarters, but again it was a strategic choice, not too large or small, readable enough for mugging up. I had thought of going for the Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron - the movie (I didn't think they'd allow it, but Casablance had been done once before, so I thought I could try my luck.) But there was a small matter that would almost trip me up first.

Just a few days remained before the written test, and I became aware that the rest of the BC gang that had registered at the website had received email informing them that the Pune one was to be held in the Symbiosis premises on the forthcoming Sunday in March (IIRC). I hadn't received any such note. Damn! On the Saturday BC session before that Sunday, I realised I was the only one not to get it! Had I goofed up on the registration? Worse, had they filtered me out? Didn't I fit some hidden criteria? Were my topics too cheesy to be considered? The latter seemed the most likely, and I had given in to fate. Someone suggested that I turn up anyway on Sunday and see if I could register on the spot. It seemed unlikely to me I could, for hadn't they gone to all the trouble of notifying people that they wanted for the test? Still, I said I'd take a shot at it.

BTW, MMI-V is being re-run at 10:00 pm Thursday IST & 10:00 am Sunday on BBC World. If you are unlucky, and have nothing to watch, you might catch me in this week's episode. If you do and also find yourself reading these pages, just watch everything closely. I don't know if there are enough vacant slots to show the remaining 15 episodes, so given that I only come again in the last two episodes, this might be the only unpleasantness you may have to endure!

A small note midway

Rahul Dravid must be feeling like someone who's found himself on a roller coaster that's descending rapidly. A week ago, he couldn't do anything wrong (except call a declaration) and now he must be the first to nervously ponder over his decision to bat first at Lahore. It must have been a 50-50 decision, but it was quite a brave option to take. Image-wise, it further adds to his tag of being "bold" and "forward thinking" (but I've noticed that stand-in captains are usually that way). I think everyone overdid the "invincibility" of the Indian batting lineup - this was a good wakeup call. It was good to see that there was the now customary fightback in the lower middle order, but India find themselves in the position of having to produce a 2nd innings score that will ensure their safety and if they score fast enough, even challenge the opposition. (They haven't had to do this for a while, last time against Windies, IIRC). Notice my optimism here, but no reason why they can't. Especially, if they want to be known as a great Test side, for it isn't always about winning with an innings to spare.

The talking point has been of course the muddle over the likely selection conflict with Ganguly's return. I was extremely appalled to read in Ayaz Memon's TOI column today that a selector thought the team should've forestalled the problem by picking 5 bowlers (implying that Yuvraj should've been left out). Absolutely incredible! If you share misapprehensions about the quality of our selectors, you have every reason to. That one of these guys could actually consider jeopardising a Test match to be rid of selection dilemmas is shocking. Why could he not suggest that Ganguly not show undue haste (Ganguly can clearly see, IMHO, history being made without him and he's desperate to be a part of the action) in announcing his return? Perhaps a quiet word to the skipper to lay low, maybe even say he wouldn't be totally fit so as to refrain from upsetting the balance? The problem is Ganguly is in that dangerous zone every captain faces now and then, where teams do better without him. It is critical for him to produce a performance to retain a place, especially since it's tough for him to produce the "the team needs me to captain them" argument all the time. Surely he knows this. Hopefully, he will produce the goods as batsman, for he's even less likely to improve his fielding and dive around now!

This turn of events could easily bring about Harish's plans for Yuvraj to open: Chopra replaced by Yuvraj and Ganguly back at 6. I don't agree of course, not yet. I feel that Yuvraj has a quality that very few of the big boys of the Indian lineup have: he plays well with the tail. Especially given that India now seem to bat till 9 or even 10, it's very crucial for one major batsman to be around with them. Additionally, Harish's push is in keeping with the Aussie model. I think Sehwag can do the Hayden role, in fact he overdoes it. Chopra may not be the most technically sound opener, but he knows the role and his running-between-the-wickets is good. Plus, I have a theory that Aussies operate with 3 openers at two different slots. Langer-Hayden at the top, and Gilchrist at 7. Gilchrist gives them an opener-like performance, usually against the new ball and psychologically affects teams when they think they're into the tail. Yuvraj could easily do that role - it would give him more hits against his favoured fast bowlers. As for Ganguly, I would love to see him walk out to open in the next test - he loves to make a statement or two, and how would that be like! Though you have to say, if Chopra is out, it will have to be Laxman or Dravid or Yuvraj to open. Perhaps even Patel. As for Yuvraj and opening, for the last few months, I strongly feel he should open in ODIs (I know right now the slot is not vacant), but I think he'll explode into a great ODI batsman at #1 or #2 just like Sachin did.

Coming back to images, Ganguly's own on-field machinations and reputation as a canny figure means that whenever there's a controversy, people tend to be suspicious of him. On the other hand, SRT & Dravid enjoy such "gentlemanly" images that they can get away with murder, as has happened a couple of times. I think people need to be more gracious to everyone. Though, if the Indian team management wants to be known as a ruthless and "team first" outfit, it's hard to see what else they can do apart from leaving Ganguly out of the XI. Dravid found himself facing the harsh glare alone after the declaration controversy, though at first everyone said that they "put the team above individuals". Having taken that stand, will they have the guts to follow that policy for another big name? Declaring when they did, in the end analysis, was a relatively soft decision. This one may actually decide the series, unless Ganguly can silence the loud whispers. Whether it's mind over heart will be interesting to see. The biggest favour his boys (Yuvraj included) can do for the beleagured captain is to settle the series in Lahore itself and make it an easy call!

Pardon my impertinence...

... but this is a question I've always wanted to ask of those inhabitants of the blogosphere who have it: how is it you guys have a "Current Music"? It surprises me a little, because when I've the headphones on, usually a playlist is being walked through. Usually the list is of an entire album, so I would've understood the "Current Music" blank being filled in with the name of one collection. But just one song? Is that the song you're playing *when* you are writing your post? Is there a possibility that the song changes as you hit "Publish" and therefore it technically isn't "Current" any more? If so, do you wait for it the song to return in its "Repeat" slot before releasing the mouse button? Or is it more literally speaking, the only song being played continuously (I've done that myself once or twice, but not everytime)?. As I said, it puzzles me.

*** In a sort of Blogging version of the Moore's Law offshoot, why is it that the smaller, the post the more the number of comments? Is it because one feels that since it is compact, it must be that much more profound, more saar packed from margin to margin? Or is it that there is an unwritten quota of words per blog, and if the blogger will not, the commentor will complete it? As I keep saying, it puzzles me.

(OK, you can call it an "Observation", not a "Law").

Lessons

It was Mark Twain, I think, who said they are called "lessons" because there are so less of them. Some recent quotes I caught from the instructive medium of TV electioneering that made me miss education:

Advanced Courses in History:

"... and there was Helen who caused World War II"
- Vinay Katiyar, BJP, comparing Sonia Gandhi to the wretched fates of Gandhari and Ms. Troy (not Nicholas Cage's sister, you movie freak!)

For the "chchaatra" preparing for Hindi Madhyamik:

"You know who they were? Woh a.ngrezo.n ke ToDii the!". ("ToDii" == "Lackey" according to the subtitles)
- Kapil Sibal, INC, generous in his "praise" of L.K.Advani's family.

Book Parade

A egoistic attempt to tell people "See? I read these kinds of books". Reads from the recent past, present and near future :

* Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha: The only book in an Irish setting I've read so far (I still haven't used Ulysses for anything apart from weight-training). Wonderfully written, in the tongue of a 10 year old. Booker winner. About Patrick, Sinbad, his ma and most importantly, his da.

* Turning Point: Physicist Fritjof Capra's concerns about the Cartesian world view and why it ought to follow a "holistic path". Good explanations about the streams of scientific evolution. Affectionately titled The Mama of Physics by me. Why? Because Capra had written a book earlier called The Tao of Physics. Tao, Mama. Get it?

* Someone Like You: Short stories by Roald Dahl. The presence of two stories from the Reader's Digest Best Short Stories collection lured me into borrowing this one. Very ironic thus far.

* The Blue Bedspread: Set in Calcutta. Interesting structure, oscillating from present to past and back. So so.

* Being John McEnroe: Thanks to The B. Express. Couldn't put it down. Genius, that man McEnroe.

* All The World's A Spittoon: Travel adventures of a self-confessed 120-pound "weakling", 28 year old Indian, walking/riding/sailing back to India in one of the most roundabout ways since someone called Christopher C. tried it. Spicy stuff, lots of Disco Dancer and Mithun-da appearances, even a Bappi-da lookalike.

Soon to follow: Red Earth and Pouring Rain, The Art of Captaincy (revised edition). Must try and finish The Art of Unix Programming and Metamagical Themas.

Laugh and you laugh alone

Against the adage of course, but I've found these days that when I laugh, I usually laugh alone. In particular, when I'm watching films or TV shows. Either I have lost a chunk of the part of the brain that makes one chuckle or people find more and different things to be humoured by than me, but the fact is that I've observed a certain "out of phase" laughter track when I'm involved in it.

Most of the junta finds different stuff funnier than me. Case in point was a film called Hungama. When so many people told me it was funny, I knew I wouldn't find it the same way. I can just tell. It's an easily derivable personal formula that spews the answer as "not funny" when one of its variables, namely the amount of people finding it funny, is inordinately large. I might've opened my mouth once during the flick. Perhaps to yawn. Much to the consternation of some of my relatives (after they were picking themselves off the floor having being "loT-poT" with "hasii"). Perhaps they called me a dirty word like "snob" or "elitist". But I loved Deewana Mastana which proves I still got what it takes to laugh. It's the movies that got cornier, I console myself.

Another case study: the PIFF screening of No Man's Land. A poignant tale wrapped in a protective blanket of tragicomedy. The humour is dark, desperate, dismissive, defensive. I didn't find anything funny in it. Amused at the clever wit, of course, but that didn't hide the tragedy of each passing minute. But if I had recorded the sounds from the audience and played it back to you, you would've been forgiven for thinking I was in a theatre showing Groucho Marx. They roared when guns were fired accidentally, they held their splitting stomachs when the men threatened each other, they slapped their hands in laughter when the bureaucrats took over. And I sat there, being reduced to helpless unhappiness, and puzzled at the jokes invisible to me.

These will tell me if I'm in a minority here. I like the lame & aimless humour of Sajid Khan rather than the superficially imitative Shekhar Suman. I laugh at Leno's jokes though sometimes I have no clue who the person in the middle of the joke is, but I can imagine the context well. I'd pay to watch Utpal Dutt go "yeeesh" rather than hear Shakti Kapoor's favourite monosyllables. I think Cyrus Broacha is the funniest man in India. I think Senthil-Goundamani (who, you ask?) and Vivek are worth listening to. I think Seinfeld is a philosopher sent on earth to help us understand better our world. There's a lot more I could offer, but why bother? R.K.Narayan, in one of his brilliant essays, indicated that the best way to kill laughter was to analyse it. Let me not do that.

One last peek. Tell you what, I think I'm not going to like "Munnabhai M.B.B.S", if I see it. End of presentation.

Three for One

After watching Amelie (Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain), I've completed the troika of films that contended for the 2002 Oscars, which for us Indians was the most memorable Oscar ceremony in recent times. I was lucky enough to watch No Man's Land in a theatre (watched Lagaan in one too) and my viewing of the three films were in tune with my pre-Oscar predictions, for I correctly forecasted the Bosnian film's win. The simple reason then was that the Academy voters, on past form, were more likely to vote for a cynical, darkly tragicomic film set among contemporary issues rather than a long Indian film set two centuries ago involving an unfamiliar sport (though its theme of David v Goliath could be an Oscar favourite) and a French film about romance and happiness.

Personally, I would rank the films in that very order too. So even if we discount such subconscious biases on part of the Academy, they have got it right on merit too. All three films were quite outstanding, but No Man's Land's story, execution and cinematic merits outdid the rest in most departments.

In some sense, the three storylines were quite representative of the image and ethos of the countries they come from. No Man's Land echoes brilliantly the collective tragedy of centuries of parochial hatred coupled with modern (and criminal) incompetence that the Balkans has been smothered under. Where else would you set a story like Amelie where fact and fantasy do a pretty dance together but in France? As for Lagaan, where else would you set an epic, an epic where a few take on the strength of the mighty and improbably win? The best thing one could say about all these three landmarks is that they were good enough to make us believe in their otherwise incredible stories.

More Trailer trailing

Lakshya has started doing the rounds of the tv channels. The sole spot unusually repeats almost every 5 minutes in the usual slots (unusual, for promos don't appear so regularly, especially when they've just been introduced). True to the Farhan Akhtar method, new hairstyles for the pre-draft Hrithik Roshan and also for Preity Zinta. Rockish guitar riffs are conspicuous in the background. *** Main Hoon Naa gives me more reason to react harshly against Farah Khan whose typically frothy choreography I identify with the Karan Johan candy mill mafia. Unless the college in her directorial venture teaches dancing *and* cheerleading, I don't see why there are so many pom-poms and FK troupe members doing acrobatics per square inch of frame. Another addition to the Riverdale High type Sharmistha Roy (assuming it is she who's doing Art for this film) collection. On the positive note, I quite liked the "looks" in "Gorii Gorii" (Sajid Khan gets rehabilitated) and "Tumse Milke Dil Ka" (I don't think it's the song title), esp. the consistent glossy colours used in the latter. But Mr. Malik undoes some of the good work - with his voice in the first and the "qawwali" attempt. *** Hum Tum has Rani Mukherji (didn't know this was her spelling version of her surname) sporting a cool look (good contrast to Yuva (incidentally, notice how Tamil directors keep casting her as the everyday Bengali lady?) ) and Saif Ali Khan (who's sadly typecast, I'm afraid - was he the same guy from Ek Hasina Thi?). This is obviously the promised Bollywood version of When Harry Met Sally and considering that this is a Yash Chopra production, I know each sparkling dialogue from the original will be re-incarnated as song and dance, albeit not so successfully. I'll be happy to be proved wrong.

Faux News - III

Faux News bulletin

(You know it's time if it's faux pas nine!)

"He's giving me nightmares!" confesses Shoaib

By Pradeep Journal-Bandookwala

The Rawalpindi Express has had a not-so successful series against the Indians so far, both in the One Dayers and the just concluded Test match. What's more, he now seems to be suffering psychological injuries that can only be worrying for Pakistani coach Javed Miandad and captain Inzamam.

Speaking exclusively to Faux News, Shoaib Akhtar revealed for the first time the severe mental scarring he sustained in the last few weeks, in particular the torment he has been facing from Indian all-rounder Lakshmipathy Balaji. "I cannot believe that I have been carted about the park by him as if I was Brett Lee" said the Pakistani paceman. Further he added "I have trouble sleeping at night. I have visions of him dancing down the pitch and heaving me over my head for six". Moreover, Shoaib has had no answer to the Chennai Charger's deliveries while batting himself - Balaji has also claimed the speedster's wicket in the series. "I can still see him grinning in my dreams", he said.

This revelation brought muted reactions from the Indian camp, but former Test player Navjot Singh Sidhu, no mean deadly grimacer himself, claimed to have passed on a few tips on the art to a willing student. "He has the chuckle of a crazed hyena!" said the former opener of the lanky bowler. Shoaib Akhtar has reportedly approached Aussie psychologist Sandy Gordon for some professional advice and has been seeking some help from Shane Warne who had suffered a similar condition a few years ago. However, cricketer turned politician Imran Khan was irritated by Akhtar's public confession and said that the current Pakistani coach had given similar troubles to Chetan Sharma. He lamented the state that the talented Pakistani players had got into but still considered them as good, if not better, than the Indians.

Akhtar had hoped that Balaji would be left out of the Test squad for Multan with the return of Agarkar & Kumble, but his inclusion has evidently caused the Pakistani spearhead further loss of confidence. A triple ton from Sehwag & a near double by Tendulkar spared him of another run-in with his nemesis, but there still remain a potential four innings for the fastest bowler in world cricket. The scoreline now stands at 3-0 in favour of Balaji.

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Jest like that!

Q: To what has the Maharashtra Government attributed the current mood of prosperity and the increase in sugar & oil production?

A: The tiL-guD factor!

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