Everything that has a beginning has an end...

... and this is true of movies too, long or interminable as they may seem sometimes. Functioning as brackets on either end of the feature are the credits which brings me to a grouse that Re-manifested itself yesterday after another shot at the Matrix Revolutions.

Most cinema-viewers don't have a high credit-rating, which in the movie theatre translates to being unfriendly towards end-credits. No sooner than the sun has set on the horizon (in the Matrix climax, the sun actually rises again) that the audience and makes a mad rush to the Exit. And pity you if you want to watch the credits - it's a very difficult experience. For one, people are blocking your line of sight. If you are still sitting, they're staring at you wondering if you're going to sneak under a seat and catch the next show for free. Or you're simply blocking their way. I'm still not a hard-nosed movie fan who can brush off these social castoffs, so I usually stand and read - it has the double advantage of assuring people I can walk and will make it to the egress point without aid, and also helps me peer over the head of the slow moving gorilla-family in the seats ahead.

More peer pressure from the people you watched the film with. Unless you have understanding companions (who understand that you're a nut and should be entertained and humoured lest you throw a tantrum) who are willing to twiddle their thumbs till you pore over the list of wire-artists and musicians. Some thumb-twiddlers are not as sensitive as them - they're more vocal about their Resentment. They may even hiss: "Don't you know the movie has ended?". No sir, that's where you make your error - no movie is truly over until the big Dolby sign flashes in.

This gross insensitivity towards credits must be quite disheartening for the unknown technicians and "extras" as there's often a great side-story in the credits themselves. Yesterday, as I was soaking in the long end credit sequences to the sounds of Navras, the theatre-guys threatened to vacuum me in, and then, horror of horrors, stopped the projection. Now I don't read each and every department and name, but I like to look at most of them. Like yesterday, there seemed to be no credit for Juno Reactor, only Don Davis. I can understand that stuff like that isn't appreciated by all, but pliss to humour me, saar.

So is the moral of the story "if you want to be noticed, put your name in the opening credit sequence"?. We dissolve into flashback as...

Ten Years Ago. INT-EXT (How else do you slot an open-air auditorium under a shamiana?)
DAY.

A bunch of kids from the 8th standard (from Section A, I may add, for these things mattered then) have just finished putting up their (Children's Day?) play in the allotted 15 minutes. They were naive enough to keep their credits-sequence at the end, when they thought all would come in front of the unruly school crowd to be introduced - no encores please. A big school-marm waves her hand: "No time, we're running late!". Disappointment.

Ten Minutes Later. INT-EXT. DAY.

A bunch of kids from the 8th standard (from the rival Section B) have just started putting up their (Children's Day?) play. Shame-o-shame! They start by introducing their cast-members and then go through the play. Evidently they had their priorities right. More disappointment for the 'A' guys.

Though I firmly believe that the credits should come at the end (which was one of the causes of the afore-mentioned 8th standard personal lesson), preferably with <role> : <person> kind of template, the be-dard audience doesn't care a hoot beyond the starry names. Nor do they pay any heed to some of the innovative/funny credit sequences that filmmakers provide. All those comedy films in Hindi and Tamil films that had titles with faces of the principal actors with cartoon bodies (Pandiaraajan films in particular) or like Chasm-e-Baddoor, or in films like Almost Famous, Sleepy Hollow, or Seven or English,August (with dialogues from the films peppering the names). For that matter, The Simpsons on most days, especially the Halloween specials. Probably my most favourite credit sequences are the one for the Pink Panther movies accompanied by those legendary pieces of music by Henry Mancini.