The current -fix-ation

The only major hurdle in my imminent entry into state politics is choosing what sort of centrifix to choose. [Centrifix : "addition of -fix in the middle" :: prefix : "addition of -fix before" :: suffix : "addition of -fix after".] For you see, to be a hit in local political circles, you have got to have an imposing centrifix so that your supporters can call you by first name without being afraid of offending you.

Let's look at the alternatives. There's -rao- as in Sharadrao, -bhai- as in Sureshbhai. There's also the superior air of the -saheb- as in Balasaheb (unless of course Prabodhankar T. christened the young Bal that way in the first place). Females have the options of -tai- as in Vandanatai or -behn- as in Anandibehn. But are these centrifixes really me, I wonder? The problem is, if I don't choose one in time, some misguided sycophant will make a decision and given the prevalence of community stereotyping in these matters, I will be bestowed with -anna- (or even worse -thambii- (the horror!)) and be reduced to looking for votes only in Rasta Peth or Matunga for the rest of my career. It's better in TN, where something as dashing as "ILaya Itihaasa Veeran" may come my way (did you know that you have to register these titles with the TN State History of Incredible Titles and Bombastically Uplifting Lofty Labels (T.N.S.H.I.T.B.U.L.L.)? That applies to all, filmstars, politicians, musicians alike. This is a democracy after all).

Probably the best would be to go in for an international import, such as -van- or -de la-. Who would know here?

(If anyone's wondering why the sudden urge to enter raajniitii, that's because it's provably the easiest route to getting a Doctorate in Humanities. I'm disgusted with the inflationary prices in the leaked question paper market and moreover, they don't give the answers anyway, so what's the point?)