The Music of "Don" - a re-iterative mixed bag

Remaking Chandra Barot's Don begged the question: Why? Don was a great entertainer, not really a great classic that would offer any particular revisitation pleasures. But entertainers like The Italian Job and Ocean's 11 are precisely the ones that have been remade to varying degrees of success. So well, let's move on now that the film is almost here.

The music, released last week, is by Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy, with whom Farhan Akhtar has enjoyed great success in his previous two films. The music is in this film (official T-Series listing) consciously reuses the greatly popular music from the original, which is a bit of a thankless job. Expectations are notoriously hard to fulfill, you want to add a modern touch to the music, and it takes just a few slips for people to wag their finger at you. Unfortunately, I'm going to wag a couple of fingers myself.

1. "Main Hoon Don" (Shaan): Studded enticingly with the well-known Don theme from the original., this song is excellently done. I think I prefer the slower remix versions in general, and this prefers to create an air of mystique - this is after all "Don" (re-)introducing himself. Nice homage, despite the slightly puerile lyrics ("bahut khatarnaak huu.n mai.n"!)

2. "Yeh Mera Dil" (Sunidhi Chauhan): Characteristic twanging (what should it be called?) from the original kicks off the song that many people who follow Kareena Kapoor's career closely are interested in (Why? Because she gets bumped off soon after :-) ). The song soon hits what can only be described as DJ Aqeel/Akbar Sami territory. A fast beat and a synth progression that I'm sure has already graced(!) several GaNapati visarjan ceremonies in the past are the only major variations from the original. Sunidhi Chauhan is mercifully restrained in this re-rendition and good on the ears. Clearly, if you have access to the original Asha song, then replace this with that. The question "why" comes back.

3. "Moriya Re" (Shankar Mahadevan): A mainstream GaNapati Hindi film song after quite a while (was the last in "Vaastav"?). Not much to note about this strictly functional song (who knows? perhaps background to either the standard gangster felicitation or a chase)- this gets a little better on multiple hearings, but not by much.

4."Khaike Paan Banaraswala" (Udit Narayan & Shahrukh Khan): Starts with the same kind of Bhojpuri (am I right about the dialect?) lyrics that got the original Kishore Kumar to a spectacular start, only the lyrics are a little different here (the rest of the song is identical). The opening gets quite interesting, but then the revenge of the DJs hits you again. For this song is again the case of old wine set to a disco beat. Painful, because the original song was all about how Vijay can relax with co-fraternals amidst the frenetic chase (the song is actually a bad insert in the midst of all the action and meant to relieve the tension, but the combination of Kishore, Amitabh in those black flares and the "Thumkaas" of Zeenat Aman worked). Hopefully the local panwaalaa now also has an octopad stowed away in these modern times. Shah Rukh Khan competently "speaks" out his lyrics in the middle, but that shouldn't prevent you going back to "bha.ng kaa ra.ng jamaa ho chak-aa-chak" instead of this particular "punar-janam".

5. "Aaj ki Raat" (Alisha Chinoy, Mahalaxmi & Sonu Nigam): But despair not. S-E-L redeem themselves with this really wonderful song; what seemed to me to be a tribute to many things. First, the 70s traditional leading-up-to-climax song with the lyrics hinting at things to come (in the mould of "Yamma Yamma" - "Shaan" and others). Most immediately, this song reminded me of two songs, both involving Amitabh and Parveen Babi: the opening bassline and rhythm is easily reminiscent of the wonderful R.D. Burman song "Pyaar karane waale" ("Shaan" again), while the overall song melody is akin to Bappi Lahiri's equally great "Raat Baaki" ("Namak Halaal"). Great slow melody and one that S-E-L should be proud of (though you could slot it in with their numbers of "It's the time to Disco"). The singers do a good job and I enjoyed listening to this one.

6. "Don The Theme" (Instrumental): This is probably the track that plays alongside the titles, judging by how the theme unfolds. Very classy variation on the original theme track.

7. Don Revisited (Midival Punditz): By now, if you're not experiencing a serious overdose of the Don theme then take the wax out of your ear, pal. Featuring some of the cult dialogues from the original (spoken here by "Main Hoon Khan") and a cameo by the question "Why?" again.

8. Main Hoon Don (Fncinternational Mix): So now, this is a remix of a revisitation of the original. (When our friends the DJs make their own remix of this, we shall finally experience stack overflow). This time, you start to hallucinate "Why?" with the accompaniment of the "Don" theme. You really wish you had wax in your ear this time.

Before I saw the trailers, my faith in Farhan Akhtar had been shaken on news of this production. The smoke-effects that caused Dr. Ramadoss to send smoke out of various orifices have somewhat restored my faith in this being a fairly decent tribute to the 70s Hindi films that we all enjoyed (though you can't see the fingers crossed behind my back). Though IMO, the best way to pay homage to these films is to leave them alone and buy the DVD. Hopefully, we won't be made to feel we should have watched this tepid Dutch not-a-remake film also called Don.
(Disclaimer: While people were being apprehensive about "Lakshya" last time around, I was quite confident FA'd pull it off.)

The original Babu Moshai departs

Anand maraa nahii.n, Anand marte nahii.n
:: Dr. Bhaskar Banerjee in 'Anand'

The man who showed us there was more to Hindi cinema than some of his peers thought, has taken the elevator to a floor above. Thank you Hrishikesh Mukherjee. The closing lines of "Anand" (quoted above) easily apply to you too. We'll meet pretty soon - many of us here at the lower floors will soon be watching "Golmaal" or "Chupke Chupke" or "Mili" or "Anupama" or "Guddi" or "Bawarchi" or "Namak Haram" on some movie channel for the umpteenth time, and we shall chuckle together. Kyu.nki apni to chaal hi TeDhii hai :-)

Kyu.n, babu moshai, Thiik kahaa naa?

Update (30 Aug)
Hrishikesh Mukherjee tribute site (link from George)

Retro Night at the Blog Bar

* Browsing old posts by friends. Almost everyone seems to have become more and more opinionated, and their posts seem to have become ever longer. Retro-blog link haulage, though, has been rich. A couple of links from George of Apr '02:
Hindi-Urdu FAQ, Lexical FreeNet, Ten real Rahman classics from the B-side (The now defunct Music Magazine), Dil Chahta review also from the Music Mag.

I'd really like to know if there are reasonably good critical and all-inclusive e-music mags around. It seems there aren't much of these.

* Surprisingly, many of the links (even at TOI!) are still around and functional. Surprised because they don't give a feel of being permalinks (these links are couched in a sort of Botox-for-links encoding).

* I don't quite think we've realised how much of a trend-setter "Dil Chahta Hai" the movie really was in terms of story, narration, music, performances and development. It was supposed to be the harbinger of so much. The others haven't quite responded.

* Jatin informs that Makrand Deshpande can be seen on "Kyunki Saas Bhi...". When and more importantly Why did this happen? John Doe (and perhaps Parashurama) are needed to cut a swathe through. We need a Daanav to say "Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example. What I've done is going to be puzzled over and studied and followed... forever. "

* I have also become a cubicle-orphan. In s/w companies around the country, many young people of my age live a greater percentage of their waking lives at their desks. That's because they live away from the city they call home and there's a limit to seeing the urban mass at mall-tiplexes on weekends. Instead, on their holidays, they're in front of their PCs, superficially engaged in something, enveloped in a Scandinavian Winter ambience, with technology that brings them close to something for a while but whose taps run empty for the rest of the time.

This week, I'm a cubicle-orphan too!

* 11 years ago, roughly. Couple of days later. We salute, we salute, we salute those days. What dreams came!

It's all about loving your RGVisms

(Indian Express) What’s this on-going war with Karan Johar?

(Ram Gopal Varma) I was being sarcastic when I said that Karan’s films are my favourite horror films. I’m scared of their commercial success. It was meant as a back-handed compliment. Now I swear on my mother, sister and Siddhivinayak temple that I won’t say anything against Karan. I think he’s better than James Cameron and KANK is better than Titanic.

Even though RGV the director seems to have gone AWOL, the mouth remains behind to entertain. And how! As I indicated in a previous post quoting a similar sentiment, this is precisely why "we" like him. He's among the few who seem to voice "our" opinion.

For like Ajay says: "Irrespective of how annoying Mitwaa can get after half-a-dozen listenings and how smug and irritating K-Jo is, what really gets our goat about him (and Himesh Reshammiya, for that matter) is the fact that we are in the minority. The majority of the people out there like them. We can congratulate ourselves on being the intellectual, Omkara-loving, Indian Ocean-listening cognoscenti, but we count zilch when it comes to what works.".

Cause and Effect

I went to Malhar at St. Xavier's this year. I took part in their quizzes. I propose The Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Quizzing And Quizzers.

Are Hair Puns sending you round the Bend?

Hair Pun Bends at our Sports blog.

Gnites of the Square Tabel¹

An article by Geoffrey Pullum on The Language Log talks about rigidity in long cherished common scientific thought with regards to the Pluto controversy. Just because something is a belief (in what is after all classification based on long distance observation) for about 75 years, should it not be challenged? Especially after seeing science progress past corpses of old theories and faiths. He seems to suggest that linguists do take a more progressive approach to language.

Just how much progressiveness the linguistic community and opinionated voices are prepared to show is a different matter. Or we wouldn't have interesting discussions like these.

In a related note, from the Language Log, I happened to hop on to Prof. John Wells' homepage. He's a Professor of Phonetics and maintains an interesting, though (understandably) heavily technical blog on phonetics. I noticed he had a link to a group called The Simplified Spelling Society, about whose objectives I didn't get around to reading much about, but noticed this in their sidebar:

Why don't comb tomb bomb rime?

Why do they say weigh

rime?

from which it is probably safe to assume that they prefer an excessive simplification of spelling, aimed at giving kids an easier time. I seem to be a bit of a traditionalist (though not too much :-)) - these language quirks have helped give us some great poetry, some very bad puns (thanks to the phenomena of polysemy², homonymy³ and so on) and word-jugglery. It would be a pity to see some of it be lost. In a research meeting yesterday, someone mentioned how older languages are much more morphologically richer⁴ and the tendency seems for language evolution to take some of that richness away. So do we evolve towards further simplicity in languages? Is the new-age internet/texting lingo evidence enough?

Oh and before I go. The race to save the planet is on. Not Earth, dummy. Pluto.

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1: In one of my favourite books "William the Bad" (one of Richmal Crompton's "William" series), the Outlaws launch their own version of King Arthur and co. in search of more adventures. Their first and only case comes to them via a young man who thinks it is the HQ of a Spelling Reform League. The title of this post is their advertising sign which represents their best-effort spelling skills.
2: Polysemy - multiple meanings for the same word (such as in the case of "mate")
3: Homonym/-graph/-phone - such as "bow/beau"
4: Languages like Hindi have words like "ne"/"se" as in "Irfan ne" and "Chammach se" which adds a wealth of morphological information useful in detecting subjects, objects, roles etc.

The planet "TLAHUIZCALPANTECUHTLI"¹

Planets and plutons are taking up a lot of news space on our little rock. It may jeopardise harmless plutonic jokes and plutonic malaprops. "User Friendly" suggest an insidious way to stop the mayhem.

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1: Such a god does exist in the Aztec pantheon.

Citizen Tabloid Journalism?

Further evidence of Rediff's increasing TOI-ness, their new feature that encourages passers-by to click photographs of "celebrities" and send them to Rediff. "So if you encounter/meet/see film or television personalities one of these days and photograph them, why don't you scan the photographs and mail the pictures to us?" goes their pitch.

What next? Dust for fingerprints of your favourite cricketer from a metallic surface of your choice and send it to us?

The stories of Alexander "Chuckle" Smith

I first heard of Alexander McCall Smith¹ in a quiz by Sudarshan. The names "Mma. Precious Ramotswe" and "The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency" were so immediately compelling that for some reason I had convinced myself I was going to be a fan of McCall Smith's writing.

Alexander McCall Smith does not write for a living. He is a bit of an expert in medical law, but that does not seem to be the principal reason he famously wrote a set of detective stories set in Africa. His connections to Africa (he was born in Zimbabwe and worked later in Botswana) seem to have left with a deep empathetic love for the simpler life of the land which are as far removed from the sophisticated "civilisation" in his now native Edinburgh. In fact, all of McCall Smith's stories are set in worlds that he has inhabited for a fair while. And what's more, these are worlds that he seems to have been closely observant of as well.

The first McCall Smith book I read was a collection of three small novels (also known as the "Von Igelfeld Trilogy") under the name "The 2 1/2 Pillars of Wisdom" featuring as protagonist, Professor Dr Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld and two of his academic colleagues. Dr. von Igelfeld is a philologist and a leading light of his very very tiny academic circle. McCall Smith is clearly caricaturing some of his own friends and acquaintances from the academic profession, but he does it politely. He gently pokes fun at their self-inflated egos, their tendency to sometimes be out-of-phase with the real world and their occasional moments of objective clarity. The book makes for extremely funny reading in parts, especially von Igelfeld's adventures with sausage dogs and his visit to America. Some extracts became quietly meditative though, which I soon realised was a McCall Smith trademark.

The next book was his No. 1 bestseller i.e. the debut adventures of Mma. Ramotswe. The name conjured up stock images of a woman, broad hipped, in a colourful print dress, and so on, from the lower African continent, and truth be told, Mma. Ramotswe is of typical African stock. Her detective adventures are not filled with urban angst, nor are they highly cerebral puzzles. The founder of the "No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" roots her life in the midst of a vague horizon separating the town and the village in Botswana. Consequently, she solves cases related to missing husbands and recalcitrant daughters, while the most dangerous of assignments is to do with the practice of witchcraft. Amidst all this, the divorced detective ponders on life and marriage offers.

"44 Scotland Street" kicks off the Scotland Street series. In contrast to the other two series mentioned above, the characters in this series are much closer home - members, occasionally lonely, of a modern city which is modern in its problems and so more real to most readers. McCall Smith doesn't forsake the light and simple touch here either, so as we accompany Pat, we meet the others at her apartments, her work and sometimes we even meet a living, recognisable Edinburgh celebrity in a bathtbub.The likes of young Bertie with a sax who yearns to be just a boy, the infuriating Bruce, Chris who has his own sinecure are mixed with baby-adventures in Edinburgh pubs and even underground. Before you read the mini-chapters, read Smith's preface telling you that this book originated from a serial offering he ran in a local newspaper, which is why some of the chapters are so tiny.

In all these books, the writing is simple, of the kind that makes you glad and appreciative of his craft. These are quick reads, but thankfully, each series has a few books awaiting their turn. I haven't got yet to the fourth series, that of The Sunday Philosophy Club. The illustrations are a pleasant bonus². The stories of Alexander McCall Smith, it must be criticised, move slowly. Nothing earth-shattering really happens (unless if you count the travails of the sausage-dog) most of the time. But that's precisely why you like it. The spikes in our mostly ordinary lives are generated by little bits of virtue and vice, by acts of stupidity and wisdom, through obnoxiousness and embarassment, of conceit and benevolence, with vanity and grace. One eventually realises that each of us is living out a story which is in need of just a half-decent raconteur. Through Alexander McCall Smith's words, some parts of us appear in word portraits. And as we shake our heads at these foibles, we chuckle.

Concurrently posted on the Lit Blog

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1: Random House's page
2: By Iain McIntosh 3: Image from Iain McIntosh's site

Slow and Steady

Director Shivam Nair talks about life before and during his debut film Ahista Ahista. He has two very "likeable" leads in Soha Ali Khan and Abhay Deol (the music is not so likeable though and publicity seems to have been hijacked by the Ol'Factory - thankfully, the people involved are aware of it)). Nair's own story is one of many who had a confused dream surrounding the film industry, so it's good to see that life has turned out decently in the end.

In the interview, Nair talks about the story of the film being inspired by a real-life incident that happened to a friend of Imtiaz Ali (the writer, and maker of Socha Na Tha). The plot sees Deol playing a professional "witness" at a marriage bureau, while Soha Ali Khan has run away from home and is waiting outside the bureau for her beau to show up (he doesn't). Now, interestingly, I've seen an episode with a similar plot in the Star Plus series Star Bestsellers that aired a few years ago (the series still airs occasionally on weekends on one of the lesser Star channels these days). Imtiaz Ali must have had something to do with that, given the TV work these guys have done.

Star Bestsellers was quite a wonderful attempt at giving many new and lowkey directors and writers a chance to film an hour-long story. There were some excellent efforts such as: by Tigmanshu Dhulia; a typically morbid serial-killer story by Anurag Kashyap featuring Kay Kay; a cool women-oriented tragi-comedy directed by Rajit Kapur featuring Mita Vashist, Rajeshwari Sachdeva and Surekha Sikri; a meditative one with the real-life mother and daughter Seths (Sushma and Divya) playing mother-in-law and daughter-in-law!; a comic psycho-thriller with Irrfan and Deepak Quazir; another plot-with-a-twist with Irrfan, Raghuvir Yadav and Himani Shivpuri; Rajit Kapur and Rajeshwari Sachdeva in a tale about a talented actor laid waste by drink and loss of confidence; more Irrfan as a Bangla director who shatters some myths that a left-leaning art-film worshipping Vrajesh Hirjee lives his life with; and most brilliantly of all, an episode called "Dead End" with Mona Ambegaonkar, Raj Zutshi and many more that is one of the most atmospheric thrillers I have ever seen in my life, and one that would make Hitchcock or Shyamalan proud. I regret to say that I don't remember who made the last-mentioned one (it was some lady), and unfortunately, I haven't been able to see it recently. But for being a heady mix of entertainment and experiment, the series was a breath of scented air.

The fellow grouch and the unwitting aid

George points to another post by Uma that he, like Iago, seems to have incited. Since the subject was old friend Tarn Aadrsh¹ and his views on Omkara² (I will not increase the PageRank of the article by linking to it), here's an observation.

Mr. Adarsh is very well known for making the movie viewing experience wholly redundant by revealing in verbal Cinemascope, the entire story. In this review, this attempt was made by the paragraphs starting from Omkara or Omi [Ajay Devgan] is a gifted chieftain ... to ...where Omi finally realizes what he has done. Now, the line With the unwitting aid of Indu [Konkana Sen Sharma], Langda's wife, and the willing help of Raju, a fellow grouch,... seemed very familiar. A quick web search revealed this sentence (with minor variations) was all over the web, mainly in various synopses *before* the film was released (a lot of people, like TA, have used it later too!). Ultimately, it turns out these paragraphs were from the publicity material put out by the producers/distributors (I can't find the link to the page from Eros (I think) that clearly indicated this, but it's fairly easy to see from the contents of the official site as well as other sources).

What this means is that TA has been fairly unwilling to pen down an original synopsis of the movie in his own words, preferring to take the unwitting aid of the original distributor. I'm the fellow grouch, of course, and glad to be of service.

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1. Read last post involving him.
2. Incidentally, I watched Maqbool in a theatre in the presence of both Taran Adarsh *and* Vishal Bhardwaj. Today, we're reunited, albeit virtually :-)

Kehanaa hii kyaa

There is some more KANK cribbing left. Kindly bear.

Anupama Chopra told us about Karan Johar's entry into "alien, high-risk territory: the modern Indian marriage." Now, I'm very curious that this representation of "the modern Indian marriage" is set in New York, especially given that he says 'In KANK, the city (NY) is just a backdrop.'¹. So why not set it in Bombay and further the exploration of the Indian marriage in places where it would have more resonance, like, I don't know, somewhere in India? And if Shah Rukh Khan turns out to be an American footballer, then even better :-)

To me, the above is a fairly good example of the kind of creative decisions that rule such films. They are so utterly compromised that it is hard to be anything but critical. Creative film compromises are part of the game, and sometimes, constraints fuel alternative kinds of creativity. But everything from casting to story choices to plot developments to settings to song breaks are motivated (even if unconsciously) by considerations that have their basis in emotional manipulation, commercial interests and repetitiveness. Except for some of the (american sitcom/film inspired, IMO) interesting screenplay methods employed in Kal Ho Na Ho, very little else in Karan Johar films commends itself. In this respect, even a person like Sanjay Leela Bhansali can be credited with a certain personal creative vision even though I don't like it for its sheer screen-decibel levels.

The role of "conflict" in Bollywood movies is merely to ripple an existing equilibrium, with the "solution" revolving around the restoration of an acceptable status quo. Not to say that such things are not creatively satisfying for viewer and maker alike. A classic example is the David Lean's Brief Encounter which is very sincere to its own world and whose bittersweet ending is not hard to swallow; in fact, it is entirely derived from the inner logic of that world. A different example is that of Closer (which led speculation as being an inspiration for KANK due to similar superficial character mappings). I am not sure I completely "got" the film and thought it as being flawed, but the ending was very interesting. Those characters having gone through what they did, the ensuing disorder seemed perfectly congruous from the logic established in the film. In contrast, films like Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham (and assuming KANK will not surprise in this regard - I await pleasant news to the contrary) think nothing of violating the Second Law of Thermodynamics: the entropy can be curbed and reversed in their systems².

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1. Source
2. I know all about the pitfalls of such analogies w.r.t. closed systems and all, so don't remind me :-) It's the idea that counts and so on.

An Inzy moment

Inzamam-ul-Haq, the cricketer everyone loves to love, is sometimes both Laurel and Hardy, in that he is capable of causing as well as participating in mishaps that no mere mortal could imagine. Given that Monty Panesar was bowling to Inzy yesterday at Headingley, the chances of a moment worth laughing over tea many years later being produced was high. However, on a day when Panesar actually picked up a diving catch at long-leg, it was left to the Pakistani captain to do it all by himself when he conjured up a hit-wicket dismissal out of the thick Yorkshire air.

It led David Hopps to write in the Guardian about the "guilty pleasures" of such a dismissal.

It's Happy "No Happy Friendship Day today" Day tomorrow!

Not just tomorrow, but for the rest of the year. Don't you just love Happy "No Happy Friendship Day today" Day? In fact we have more of these than the "Friendship Day" guys do. Everyone I know who was a friend of the greeting card industry today gets a free wish from me tomorrow.

I can't wait.

What a sad, ill-adjusted, misanthropic misfit I have become. Is that an acceptable set of synonyms for the adjective form of sanity, though? Where are the Shiv Sainiks asking for an alternative "Krishna-Sudama day" when you need them?

Kabhi KANK Na Kehanaa

George pointed me to this post by Uma M-D who writes about Anupama Chopra's article on Karan Johar's upcoming film on modern Indian marriages (apology: a lot of pointers to pointers in that sentence). In a sense, the battle will soon shift from the current battleground of Omkara to KANK with the two sides swapping roles.

Instead of being exiled from multiplexes during the next few weeks, I wish I could support a movie with the following meta-KANK-outline:

EXT. Outside popular multiplex. A couple in intense conversation

W: Why can't we go? Didn't I go to your "How to curse in Hindi in 21 minutes" tutorial last week?
H: Oh c'mon, that was justified. If you don't understand the requirements of good cinema, you had better shut up. Stage whisper: Saali, bakar kartii rahatii hai
W: And this isn't good cinema? And what was that you said? I have noticed that whenever you go to such movies, for at least a week, you mutter in filthy language. At least, you will hear civilised things in a K-Jo movie.
H: What do you expect from a film in which no one knows whether to cry or dance?
W: That is the Indian ethos, ok? But then, how will a *blip* (deleted for regional reference) know all about dancing and crying? Remember how all your relatives stood in one corner and moped while my family enjoyed the wedding. You are a f***ing pig, that's what you are.
H (sensing danger): Ok, let's just go, ok? Stop shouting at me.

EXT. Four hours later. Outside same multiplex
H (laughing crazily): And what happens then? His limp miraculously goes away on the day of their 2nd marriage? Ha-ha-ha-ha...
W: Shut up, ok? Idiots who don't believe in true love will never get it. It is a beautiful fantasy which emotionally barren people like you will never get.
H: I'm emotionally barren? I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry in there - there was so much emotion coming out from me.
W: And how dare you shout "Limp properly, you fool - use the left foot" in the theatre. I have never been so insulted in my life.
H: My dear lady, if you weren't so busy sobbing, you'd notice something called continuity.
W: I'll give you continuity. I'm going to my mother's at this very moment. Wait a minute - Amitabhji said in the film that women have equal rights to their own emotion. You go to your mothers.

The breakdown in communications results eventually in an unfortunate divorce. The movie ends with the immortal lines "A love conflict for films that broke all relationships".

If you thought the above was lame (I'm undecided if the pun is intentional or not), wait for the real thing in a couple of weeks - coming soon to a theatre near you, so duck!

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Disclaimer: I'm not a Karan Johar fan. I've seen parts of a few films of his, and have occasionally felt the need to have my blood sugar checked since. He's a smart operator, though. One could admit that like Vishal, even he makes films "from the heart", but then I could extend that to the times when I play with soap.

What if it had been titled differently?

Naseeruddin Shah, in contrast to that other acting phenomenon of his generation ¹, chose to make a much more understated directorial debut in Yun Hota To Kya Hota (subtitled What If...). The separate stories intersecting at various points is now no longer a novel screenplay technique in Indian cinema. That said, I have personally not seen a plot composed of four stories with a similar underlying theme, and so, there was enough interest to watch what the director made of the proceedings.

By choosing to be watchful rather than extravagant and by surrounding himself with members proficient in the one aspect of filmcraft that he would best relate to, Naseer dips the toes into the manic streams of filmmaking without being swept away by the currents. He doesn't get too wet either (and so we do not completely know if he can swim magic strokes), but we know and he must too, that he will be back for a deeper dive.

"Yun Hota..." introduces us to our protagonists and their situations in quick time. By the end of introductions, we are assured that the actors will not let Naseer d(r)own. Konkona Sen Sharma returns to continue her expert portrayal of the urban Indian woman with Jimmy Shergill for company; Paresh Rawal (in a timely reminder that his talents have survived his exile to Priyan-land) ponders over daaNDiyaa and lost love by an office-cum-bed; Ankur Khanna oscillates between an M.S. in BioTech, personal distress and an unspoken affection for Ayesha Takia; while Irrfan and his brother have to leave the country leaving "Salim" all messed up.

Perhaps the depth in the batting order will be made clearer by this little listing of those in the wings who sparkled too: Ravi Baswani (the seemingly senile but ultimately sane father; unrecognisable at first), Suhasini Mulay (even more unrecognisable as the startlingly glamourous dancer), Konkona's harridan of a mother-in-law and the schizophrenic sister-in-law, Imaduddin Shah (a modern day patriot with a long scatalogical monologue that will have you both cringe and squeal with laughter), Saroj Khan (making her debut in another inspired bit of casting, and of course Ratna Pathak Shah (more literally unrecognisable at one point in the film, and the victim of domestic turmoil), ). There are so many more (watch the film carefully), that clearly this is an ensemble of some of India's finest ².

Instead of discussing more of the inside plot, I shall instead point you to Zero's review (watch out for the spoilers). He also makes mention of what was, on reflection, my main grouse with the film. The title was fairly inaccurate in setting expectations. The tale is told well and the "reality" is believable, but exactly "What If" what?

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1 Will go as far as saying "unarguably". You want to argue? :-)
2 And I have not even mentioned a morbidly neurotic Boman Irani

Quizás, Quizás, Quizás ^[1]

Of the many clichés I despise (insert suitable irony-inducing cliché here), among those jostling for one of the top slots would be the words of the wise interviewee: "Regrets? I don't have any regrets from life. It has been a satisfying and fulfilling life".

s-and-f life, my mule's daddy. There must be an equal and opposite (Tri-Newtono-Legalic) cliché suggesting snootily that "such 'ir-regretfuls' must not have lived a life at all" that I can take refuge in. When I traceback my own life to first principles, it hardly seems like a sequence of optimal decisions, does it? Littered with little forks that turned out to be major junctions, and major junctions that did not lie about their importance, there are "what-ifs" painfully strewn about.

Counter-factual history is not merely about what would have happened had Babar not stopped to ask for directions to India, it can also be intensely personal. What is more, like the curious cases of our historical figures ending with two impossibly different birthdates, our personal views of our own history is very revisionist, and usually tend to make us look pretty. Scrape what's left of the diem, lad!

Speaking of regrets, I think I regret beginning this post without end in sight. Maybe, I'll come back to it later. Perhaps (make it two more times).

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[1] Source material