Kabhi KANK Na Kehanaa

George pointed me to this post by Uma M-D who writes about Anupama Chopra's article on Karan Johar's upcoming film on modern Indian marriages (apology: a lot of pointers to pointers in that sentence). In a sense, the battle will soon shift from the current battleground of Omkara to KANK with the two sides swapping roles.

Instead of being exiled from multiplexes during the next few weeks, I wish I could support a movie with the following meta-KANK-outline:

EXT. Outside popular multiplex. A couple in intense conversation

W: Why can't we go? Didn't I go to your "How to curse in Hindi in 21 minutes" tutorial last week?
H: Oh c'mon, that was justified. If you don't understand the requirements of good cinema, you had better shut up. Stage whisper: Saali, bakar kartii rahatii hai
W: And this isn't good cinema? And what was that you said? I have noticed that whenever you go to such movies, for at least a week, you mutter in filthy language. At least, you will hear civilised things in a K-Jo movie.
H: What do you expect from a film in which no one knows whether to cry or dance?
W: That is the Indian ethos, ok? But then, how will a *blip* (deleted for regional reference) know all about dancing and crying? Remember how all your relatives stood in one corner and moped while my family enjoyed the wedding. You are a f***ing pig, that's what you are.
H (sensing danger): Ok, let's just go, ok? Stop shouting at me.

EXT. Four hours later. Outside same multiplex
H (laughing crazily): And what happens then? His limp miraculously goes away on the day of their 2nd marriage? Ha-ha-ha-ha...
W: Shut up, ok? Idiots who don't believe in true love will never get it. It is a beautiful fantasy which emotionally barren people like you will never get.
H: I'm emotionally barren? I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry in there - there was so much emotion coming out from me.
W: And how dare you shout "Limp properly, you fool - use the left foot" in the theatre. I have never been so insulted in my life.
H: My dear lady, if you weren't so busy sobbing, you'd notice something called continuity.
W: I'll give you continuity. I'm going to my mother's at this very moment. Wait a minute - Amitabhji said in the film that women have equal rights to their own emotion. You go to your mothers.

The breakdown in communications results eventually in an unfortunate divorce. The movie ends with the immortal lines "A love conflict for films that broke all relationships".

If you thought the above was lame (I'm undecided if the pun is intentional or not), wait for the real thing in a couple of weeks - coming soon to a theatre near you, so duck!

---

Disclaimer: I'm not a Karan Johar fan. I've seen parts of a few films of his, and have occasionally felt the need to have my blood sugar checked since. He's a smart operator, though. One could admit that like Vishal, even he makes films "from the heart", but then I could extend that to the times when I play with soap.