carpss about scraps as c*apss in parcss

I have finally gone and created an Orkut Community called "I hate Orkut Scraps"¹. I'm a mere drop of acid in the ocean, a protest banner on a hanky in a gale, a grain of sand on an inferno - but still.

It's as if Peter Finch² told me to open the windows and yell "I'm mad as hell". The orkut scrap doesn't make a lot of sense when used by people in this staggering volume: it's a piece of personal communication scribbled on a public whiteboard, you get a mail telling you you've got a scrap and you have to *go* to orkut to read what ultimately turns out to be as inane as "can I turn off the ceiling fan?". What happened to direct and personal email? This fad-ding is unbelievable.

I use orkut merely as a means to access useful information about friends and acquaintances (contact details, birthdays, current state of affairs), if I can't find their email, and occasionally interests (which are anyway hijacked by some anarchic sub-group). Having a Y instead of an additional X in my chromosomes, I'm mercifully spared the "Can we be friends?" scrap (to which the answer should be a composition of "only if you send me your thumb and a cheque by VPP", "I hope you're ok with my W.G. Grace beard" and "I never thought I'd meet someone also interested in cannibalism and ritual torture"). I really don't have a problem with others using a social networking service to do whatever they want, but kindly leave me out of it. Your scrap is welcome to ping me if you do not know my email IDs, but in any case, please do not feel slighted if I dump it, suitably, in a scrap-heap. What's more, you can expect the same from me.

Thanks to 'kutting-mania, organisations have started to block this (thanks - there goes the utility to people like me who had limited use for it thanks to the roobish), especially since, in a nod to popularity, we now have phishing attacks using it. This on a service which is usually denying doughnuts to its servers half the time.

Thus did Rantobaa uvaacha.

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1. The orkut folk seem wonderfully liberal about this, for this community is still standing. But more likely, it's possibly because right now, there's only member.
2. In the Sidney Lumet film Network.

A bird, a plane, Superman? No, it's Nirupa Roy

Naseeruddin Shah in this interview with Rajeev Masand on CNN-IBN:

Naseeruddin Shah: Yes. First super hero who could fly (talking about Chamatkaar). Though before that there was a movie called Superman with Nirupa Roy. Would you believe it?
Rajeev Masand: I have heard of it.
Naseeruddin Shah: A film called Superman with Nirupa Roy playing Superman.
Rajeev Masand: Playing Superman?
Naseeruddin Shah: Yes. Playing Superman. Not Superwoman.
Rajeev Masand: This I have to see.

Me too. I hope the veteran hasn't got muddled up in his filmic history. If he hasn't, then this I really have to see this. IMDB does have an entry for this 1960 film starring Nirupa Roy, but does not mention the role played by the one-whose-eyesight-was-miraculously-restored. This recent post conjectures she must have been Lois Lane, but in light of Naseer's qualified response, perhaps not. Even Hollywood couldn't match this sort of women's lib.

Apart from this startling revelation, nice interview with the man whose directorial debut is about to hit screens soon. "Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro", "Chamatkaar", the boredom of "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" and more make an appearance.

"Omkara" kaa Da.nkaaraa

It's been a struggle getting to the music of Omkara. The music was to release on the 3rd of July which, it may be recalled, was one of the rain-direct-from-Hades days in Mumbai, which ultimately rained off the official music launch. It seems this, for no clear reason, also stalled the distribution of the music to stores. I made at least 3 trips (braving the rain) to stores in Pune; the 1st two were those nearby places where the lack of such CDs could be explained away by them not having heard of the track in the first place (judging from my bad experiences looking for the music of Maqbool and later Bose). But once "Thakkar's Music Bank" confirmed no such music release having reached them, it meant a snafu that posed the first of several entry barriers to the enjoyment of the album had occured.

The music, however, was released without fanfare outside India. I do not know if the official music release has since happened, but judging by the slow trickle of local reviews appearing (I haven't been able to go to a shop in Bombay yet), it may have made it to the stores. The guys in charge of the distribution need to understand that tracks like "Omkara" will unfortunately not sell in numbers merely due to the good offices of fans of Vishal and Gulzar who have looked forward to this for many days. Nor will a slew of trailers featuring the top stars translate into sales if there is nothing to sell in the first place. Worse, what use is a website that has absolutely no mention, especially of the rescheduling, of the music launch? Vishal, as was seen with "Maqbool", always starts off on the backfoot with such films, and here you have him going so far back as to trod on his stumps before the bat can hit the ball.

But the tracks have now been heard. Normally, I would have merely pointed to the venerable senior's rapturous music review, but since I have some differing and additional points to make, here're some of my opinions on Vishal Bhardwaj's music for "Omkara".

* Bii.Dii: Normally, I'm not a fan of Sunidhi Chauhan's full-throated and stereotypical "thrill" numbers, but here I have to make an exception. First, this song is a lot more believable given the rural orchestra setting and establishes wonderfully the "Billo"¹ character. The richly coarse (intentional oxymoron this) lyrics by Gulzar (whose guN-gaan we shall sing throughout this post) are brilliant. Thanks to Deepa Mehta's "Fire", I knew what "lihaaf"² meant. So entry barrier #2: the Urdu and the dialect Hindi is perfectly placed, but will the spoon-fed-on-kindergarten-Hinglish ears of the public respond to the challenges of decoding both the obvious meaning along with the innuendo implied? Sukhwinder Singh's roguish rolling of the "r"'s as in "sasurrii" is elevated by the failure of his male co-singers to emulate him :-)

To paraphrase a review I read, this is a high-class low-class song³.

* Jag Jaa: The immediate points of interest was the chance to hear Suresh Wadkar after a long while. This gem of a song took a long while to sink in, which is entry barrier #3. This album needs a lot of time and contemplation and patience from your listener, especially those who are not immediately inclined towards the Vishal-Gulzar combo. Please provide it to this album, for these guys deserve it.

This song is a great example of the situational aptness that this combo has provided in the past. If you have read your Othello, you can make a pretty good guess based on the lyrics as to where this song will appear (I will be shocked to not find it there - go on Vishal, surprise me!). Superbly counterpointed. One of the best slow songs I've heard. The arrangements leave Wadkar to quietly take centre-stage.

* O Saathi Re: This is a slow romantic duet sung by Shreya Ghoshal and what turned out to be the surprise of the album, Vishal himself making his full debut as a singer⁴. Sweet to hear with Vishal being competent (no immediate stunning impact, but let's hear more and we can be more judgemental) and Shreya doing a restrained rendition.

* Laaka.D: The voice of Rekha Bharadwaj. I remain very ambivalent about this, especially her uncanny modulations of pitch and voice texture. More on this later. This is another slow number that eventually grows on you, especially when Rekha gets fervent about the lament later. There's a lot more to this song than I'm able to immediately comprehend with my limited musical knowledge, and like the riparian setting, perhaps I will be able to dive deeper. The accompanying strings in the song are very beautiful - I am smitten with them even though I lack the devices to describe them.

* Nainaa: This song features some very creative lyrics by the man in the stiff-starch-cast kurtaa on the theme of deception. I did not like the rendition very much. This was probably because of the opening bars of the song. It improves a lot in the middle with the changes in tempo. I'm afraid I still prefer Rahat Fateh Ali Khan in "man ki lagan" from "Paap". However, the composition conveys the right sense of restlessness.

* Namak: This is a medley of folk, qawwali and mujra styles. Rekha Bharadwaj switches voice texture (admirable for technique), but some of her modulations later in the song were a little harsh for me. But this song again smells richly of the region (from whatever limited music I have heard from there)⁵, with the accompanying chorus and harmoniums. Entry barrier #4 is the fact that most of Vishal's efforts are wonderfully situational and works very well with the screenplay. A standalone sampling of his songs just for pleasure is usually unable to compete on just user-friendliness with the songs from other films. A decent song, overall.

* Omkaaraa: This is a ballad-style song that introduces, in detail, the character of Omkara. Much as in the original play where the legendary exploits of Othello are a key factor in the romancing of Desdemona. The rhymes of Gulzar work very well, and interestingly, Omkara is not completely glorified. However, the beginning of the 2nd half of the song suddenly seems dissonant⁶, which I didn't think much of. Sukhwinder is the voice behind this song. Perhaps we will see a montage accompanying this song.

* The Tragedie of Omkara: This is an instrumental theme piece evoking the necessary drama befitting such a tale. The progression seemed vaguely familiar for some reason.

In conclusion, let me offer the last entry barrier: the key to perhaps enjoying this film more than your average viewer could be in whether you "revise" your Othello before watching the film or hearing this album. In a sense, Shakespearan plays are like a bunch of raagaas - a plot framework is available and well-known, so a rendition of it acquires a lot of interest not only if the creators stick to the structure, but also work their way around it from time to time. We saw this with "Maqbool". Hopefully, we'll see it with "Omkara" too.

A word of thanks to Vinay Jain, whose excellent efforts in transcribing the lyrics provided me with the opportunity to decipher the rich strands of poetry (for that's what it really is, in several places). As a next step, hopefully, I'd like to attempt a shallow translation.

Pointers to Lyrics: Bii.Dii, O Saathi Re, Jag Jaa, Namak, Nainaa, Laaka.D (n/a) and Omkaaraa (n/a).

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1. "Billo Chaman Bahaar" will surely go down in Hindi film history's hall of fame of names!
2. "Lihaaf" means "Quilt" and is the name of the Ismat Chugtai short story that "Fire" is based on. My Urdu learning is restricted to such inputs, I'm afraid.
3. Keeping political correctness aside for the moment.
4. I have a feeling that the uncredited voice in the interlude singing "O maajhi re..." in "Satya"'s "Baadalo.n se kaat\-kaat ke" "tu mere paas bhi hai" could be Vishal. If it is, well, nothing much seems to have changed lyrically for him!
5. No expertise claimed - I could be wrong about provincial provenance.
6. Adjective borrowed from George's review.

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Update: 22 July
Manish Chauhan writes about the references in some of the Omkara songs; he does so appreciatively, being from the same region as the setting of the film.

The Production of 'Omkara'

The build-up to the 28th July release of "Omkara" has kicked into full swing. Read some juicy production tidbits from this excellent Rediff publicity feature. One hopes (with high optimism) Vishal's latest effort will translate into commercial success (assuming the hype will not kill the likely critical acclaim).

Thoughts on the music to come soon...

Ramoji Rao e-mailing¹

One of the advantages of having a slightly uncommon first name is that you're more likely to get a [first name]@[the email provider] than your average Amit or Kiran or Lakshmi. As a result of my own slightly uncommon 1st name (=> the name is not taken) and coupled with the suspicion that just like the venerable Bhavani Shankar, most people with this name "to paidaa hote hi buDDhe ho gaye" (=> I'm the rare one rampant in cyberspace with this handle), I have successfully claimed the first name at google's, the institute's and the department's mail servers without needing to qualify it further.

This can be a double-edged sword as I was soon to find out.

The problem is when people get more qualified email ids in these mail servers, especially the popular ones, where you have the [firstname].[digit/letter] and so on. One small misprint, and the emails for the world caucus of Ramanands starts to pour in my mailbox. Which leads me to my present predicament: there is a gentleman who seems to have put my email id on his correspondence material, and so I get a lot of mail per week inviting me to conferences, asking my advice and seeking my recommendation (clearly this man is a big name in his social sphere). I end up politely telling his correspondents they're barking up the wrong tree, but soon I need to do some barking up the right tree myself to save all of us the trouble.

Especially before I get a kidnap ransom request a la Baburao Ganpatrao Apte.

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1.: Ramoji Rao Speaking was the original Malayalam film from which came other hits such as "Arangetra Velai" and "Hera Pheri".

Eleven bad days

It has been eleven days of misery for the city, with rains, mini-rioting and now these attacks, but what is left to do but to get back to work?

Since I'm not at home, I've missed much of the nauseating moments of television coverage on our channels. However, I did see live the by now infamous and inopportune Rajdeep Sardesai CNN-IBN plug, and later chaotic commentary from Aaj Tak. The online world has been comparatively much more sober and factual.

Thanks are also in order, again, to the internet-meisters: Kahn--Cerf--Tomlinson--Berners-Lee--Page & Brin--the men behind blogs and IMs: this medium was at its most useful yesterday.

Lots more info on Mumbai Help.

7idane?

The (by now) historically dramatic Zinedine Zidane head-butt reminds me of the ending in the film Se7en, where Det. David Mills' (Brad Pitt) actions are unfortunate, perhaps even understandable under extreme provocation (?). Materazzi as John Doe - who knows? But we certainly are a lot like Det. William Somerset (Morgan Freeman) watching from the outside as a sullen and ultimately silent Mills sits in the car (and if we knew what was really said - what a mystery!) while the line "Ernest Hemingway once wrote,'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' I agree with the second part." is spoken in the background.

(At the risk of romanticising...)

And elsewhere, Harish stands by the man and realises something about the others he supported.

This, that, bile, guts and wet, wet water

Suffering from an unusual (for me) ailment of having the stomach rebel against all input last week meant a keen desire to curl up and wanting to never hear the word "food" or any variants, sub or super, thereof. The mind's ability to conjure up emotive associations and cause corresponding somatic reactions in a jiffy is quite impressive. But books, movies and the World Cup diverted it some what, and I got through, didn't I? *** A massive pile up of mail and blog items was inevitable. I usually like to answer my email as soon as I can, so it was a little jarring to have a week of pending responses. An absent-minded click on the top of the Bloglines tree proved to be an inadvertent balm to the second problem. In one instant, I had all the unread posts vanish. What a weight off the shoulders! Recognising the signs, I have signed off some of the high volume and continue to ignore loooong post-happy blogs for now. If this is turns out to be a loooong post, you know what to do. *** Those die-hard SRK fans who despaired of their star's performances in the likes of Swades, and to an extent in Paheli, need not worry. The man is back if the trailers of KANK are any indication. Only he could exaggerate a limp such that members of the Porcine Association are again complaining of intrusion into the ham production business. *** And we have Krrish which just about manages to have a syllable more than that strangulated Ssshhh. Judging by reviews, it seems to be more of a sequel to Kaho Naa Pyar Hai than Koi Mil Gaya with its Hrendition of the all-singing/dancing/romancing/skiing/fighting "hero" being augmented with the all-flying/leaping "super". *** The music of KANK is strictly ok on overall impact. Predictably, it is almost isomorphic to the songs of Kal Ho Na Ho. *** After a lull, the monsoon (I hope no one gets here looking for Sushma Reddy - the horror!) has revived. It belted out some of its best hits in the last couple of days with such gusto that the lyrics of "giilaa giilaa paani" don't seem too incongruous right now. *** "Teri diwaanii" from the album Kailasa is featured in a very impressive video, with the image of the dancing femme in silhouette framed against silent fireworks being very striking. The other videos for songs in the album, on the other hand, are amateurish to the point of being hilarious. Still, it seems an "honest" effort (whatever that euphemistically implies). *** When someone is accused of being "shallow", what does that mean? The shallowness quotient has been a mystery to me. The conundrum was revived when a character in a book I'm reading currently ("Past Mortem" by Ben Elton, who's famous for being a co-writer of "Blackadder" and "Mr. Bean") was described as such. *** This is the season when everyone reminisces about their first football world cup. Mine was 1990, the Italian one. Wimbledon (which I had started to follow the year before) was also on. Just like that year, this year will also see a June Sunday with a Wimbledon men's final as well as a World cup finale. That year, my favouritism for Boris Becker translated into an affection for Germany (apart from England who lost to the Germans in the semis). Becker lost an epic 5-set final against Edberg that year, but the Germans held on on the other grass field. Unsurprisingly, Graf won again that year, so there was 2 out of 3 for the Deutschlanders. The prizes are likely to be more spread out between the nations this year.

Go.ndyaa parat aalaa

The Indian Express reports that the riveting 22 June, 1897 is marking "25 years" (see note 2), and the occasion is being marked in many a small way. I remember watching the film as a child, and was completely fascinated by the story, the acting and the narration. Infrequent repeat viewings have confirmed its status as a classic, and as the makers Nachiket and Jayoo Patwardhan mention in the news article, it was a uniquely dispassionate look at what is supposed to be the 1st assassination of a British officer in India.

The story is probably not well known outside Maharashtra, so a small summary is in order. In 1897, Poona is in the midst of an outbreak of plague, and the resulting insensitive actions by the British government causes extreme anger among the local residents. The Chapekar brothers, incensed by their actions, decide to assassinate Commissioner Rand. Their spiritual mentor is Bal Gangadhar Tilak (interestingly, the situation uncannily echoes the question of whether and to what extent Savarkar was involved in the Gandhi assassination exactly 50 years before). The deed done, the rest of the story deals with their attempts to evade arrest which is unsuccessful because of the Dravid brothers and subsequent hanging. This happened on University/Ganeshkhind Road, now an arterial road in the city and the spot (10 minutes from my home) is marked by a small memorial.

The film boasts of some wonderful acting by Sadashiv Amrapurkar as Tilak, and recognisably, Ravindra Mankani (whom I later came to know was an alumnus of COEP) as a younger Chapekar. Only today did I realise the contributions of Vijay Tendulkar and Shankar Nag as well. The only online notice of the VCD I could find is in this eBay extract and you would do well to take a look at the movie.

Notes:
1. The title of this post means "Go.ndyaa is back", a reference to the codephrase employed during the murder.
2. The timing of this news article is a little suspect for if the movie was made in 1979, it would be either 26 or 27 years old and not 25. Perhaps this has more to do with the producers of the VCD finding publicity obliquely.

"And now for something out of the syllabus..."

About five months, I was "commissioned" (without pay, naturally) by Kapeesh to write an article for the COEP magazine "Abhiyanta" (unimaginatively titled this year as "The COEPian" - what happened to all those deep-sounding sanskrit titles, and shouldn't it be "The PIET's COEPian"?), which I duly turned in. They published it (gratitude is in order to Abhishek for obtaining a copy for me). As a result of which, in the mag, I happen to be sharing space with an invitation to the (inter-caste) marriage of our prized Babcock-Wilcox boiler and a lathe machine, and (much to my horror and indignation) a running footnote paean to a partial set of COEPians studying in the US. An online copy is available here. This one is for all the COEPian bloggers.

They say that education is what is left over when you've forgotten all that you were taught. Normally, I'd salute only the wit in such smart-alec quotations, but in light of having spent life at COEP and now contemplating it from a safe temporal distance the size of an engineering batch, I can see the depth in what some of those old, grizzled and dandruff-ed grey hairs were saying.

For the more I think about it, in the guise of giving us an engineering education, COEP slipped in a lot more. It gave us a right royal lesson in the grand concept of "life", right from the spankings to the plaudits. But before you dismiss this account as a teary-eyed narrative of those "rosy and sunshine filled hours spent under the sweet-smelling coconut tree as we became fine citizens", let me disabuse you of those concerns. First, we don't have any sweet-smelling coconut trees at COEP (even if they were, I doubt if coconut trees could be sweet-smelling). Secondly, the rosiest times were spent at home in the PLs when one set of storms had been roughed and more squalls were expected.

So this account is a little anti-nostalgic, for it tries to take a more balanced look at the real post-learning-amnesiac education referred to at the beginning. For instance, let's invoke the popular memory of the COEPian in the queue. I don't know if autonomy has abolished the long held tradition of the COEPian queues; I hope not. For hours in that one serpentine ("Slytherin" for the modern generation?) mass of collectively increasing infuriation would teach you more lessons about pain, patience, obduracy, chivalry, fairness and fatalistic invocations than a month in a Benedictine monastery run by Pai Mei. For the first two years, I struggled and whined: why, despite the easily obvious optimal methods to apply to the process of collecting fees or marksheets, did we have to stand under the baking sun, growling at each other and whimpering at our inability to prevent those who conveniently discovered long lost pals ahead in the line. Gender wars originated and were resumed every six months, with the feeling that the glass ceiling had suddenly become a pane in an imaginary wall that let the smarter sex creep into the sanctum sanctora however late they showed up while separating us out from the "tatkaal". Only in the second half of my personal production of "My Life at COEP" did the zen-like realisation dawn that this was meant to be the introductory lesson, a one-oh-one into going with the darned flow. Later in life, you couldn't wring the neck of everyone who cuts you off ahead in the traffic, on the corporate ladder, in competition for that lass's affections, so learn to bite into your stiff upper lip, sonny boy. With such low-intensity tutorials did COEP make malleable your mind.

So what other life-threatening and life-altering lessons did the venerable Since-1854-er throw our way? How about the concept of submissions? I'm sure you've heard about Mr. Parkinson (of the Law fame, not the Disease) and how he cleverly figured out about the elasticity of work w.r.t. time. I'm convinced that we should have him over and get him to give us a few commendations. For few places such as us have embodied wholeheartedly the spirit of the elastic nature of work and have actually gone as far as to experiment with extremes by mixing in the eleventh-hour principle. Result: a searing lesson in how to get by, just before the clock hits twelve (or twenty-four). That's pretty much how the whole world seems to operate, so fine training for a bunch of youngsters in being grasshoppers during the summer and slogging away like ants in the winter, and what's more? - surviving till the next folk tale!

Or how about the famous "repeats" of the workshop, more legendary than real, but scary yet. Again, I wonder if the march of modernity and autonomy has filed away (pun intended) the bluntness of the workshop instructors, but once you've gone through that experience, it takes a lot to rattle your steel-forged guts (unless of course, you did better at plastic moulding).

Note that most of these vulcanising processes are placed early in the COEPian experience (further evidence: Applied Mechanics, Engg. Graphics, case rested). On a less sardonic note, look at the Punt Formation, a splendid example of teamwork, hoarse throats (of the PFOs), a general sense of "oh, it was so much better when we did it" renting the air among the alumni, and best of all, the experience is much more pleasant when you've finished it. Inside, it's closest to compulsory military training that our pacifist generation will ever get, with the mosquitoes, the something-masquerading-as-water, the hyacinth and the lack of bug repellant. But you survive that as well and slowly it begins to dawn on you, who is used to topping all that you do, that sometimes survival is good enough.

So what's the point of this little piece then? Well, a grand unified point wasn't quite intended, but perhaps a few little guppy points spring up. One, like a lot of great comedy, there's humour to be found even during the darkest times one may experience at COEP; that these darkest times are often found to be usually piffling little blobs of black paint at best later; and that there's much you'll do there that will give you a store of anecdotes to liven up the party. Probably, a lot like the real thing sometimes called Life.

Because they found the Philosopher's Stone

There is no other explanation.

Ads and media inserts have alerted us to another generational jump in the storyline of Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi, which as per my rough calculations, makes the time period somewhere in 2130. This is the greatest giant leap in the telling of futuristic science-fiction ever since Douglas Adams ordered one whisky too many in Innsbruck.

But what infuriates Shahnaz Hussain and co. is how Tulsi and gang manage to remain so ageless, fresh and crease-less (both sari and skin)? The only explanation is that Ekta Kapoor ("Eeektaaa Kaporr" today?) has found what has eluded even Lord Voldemort i.e. the Philosopher's Stone.

Move over J.K.Rowling - it's time for Tulsi and the BaSilly

Prez Corps

So what's next for President Kalam now that he's ticked off another item off his childhood-dreams list? A ride on the Darjeeling Toy Train? A lift on Basanti's ta.Ngaa? A Segway segue?

As you can see, I'm not quite enamoured by the Kalam joyride yesterday and see it as "mainly pointless". I wonder if previous Presidents are going "I wish I had thought of that!" (I doubt it though - to his credit, Kalam at least seems to have the fitness for such things). But the exercise was essentially wish-fulfilment without being necessary; a mere perk of the office which shouldn't be encouraged given the amount of freebies on offer anyway. Perhaps one could argue the PR aspects for the air force, but unlike the previous (again carefully managed) PR exercise where the Air Chief Marshal flew a MIG to prove its airworthiness, this one had its roots in a bit of expensive lark.

The current President is supposed to be quite a children's hero, I am told, and one can argue the salutary effects of such an event on a generation of kids aspiring hopefully to the defence forces, but now that I am a (reluctant) adult, I'm not a fan of his usually mawkish statements. Like yesterday's (paraphrase) "All human minds looked beautiful from the air", for which we'll just have to take his word for. On the ground in Pune, his visit meant traffic diversions in the existing patches not dug up, and over a thousand policmen deployed on the short route from Raj Bhavan to the airport making it the densest concentration of policemen in a civilian area since that controversial Rakhi Sawant show.

But like the papers pointed out, the customary repairing of roads on a war footing took place and "Hema Malini's cheeks" appeared out of nowhere. Which inspires me to suggest that instead of Rajnath or Advani, why not the President take to the "Rath" and roam the length and breadth of the country? It will achieve the magical effect of disappearing potholes by his mere presence. The upper classes, me included, have been accused of living in a world far removed from the lower classes. But when I think that the uppermost probably last experienced a pothole about 3-4 years ago, I can only feel fear as to what will happen if the Presidential caravan were to sweep by a golf course.

Blood on the cover

Q. What do you have to do to be accepted at the Old Man of the Mountain and Other Assassins Software Pvt. Ltd.?
A. Create a killer app.

British TV serials

Some of us have been watching quite a lot of British television series over the last couple of years. We thought a list of these serials with brief notes about them would be useful, especially to those from Pune who borrow DVDs (like we do) from the local British Library. These serials are mainly comedies and detective/police stories.

The list is here and was principally put together by Niranjan, Sudarshan and me.

Middle Path

If printing "Hello World!" is 101, then writing an algorithm for binary search is 201; usually the first step on the next big thing you learn. Most of us learn algorithms repeatedly ignoring special conditions and even scale. So pretty early in our writing of professional code, our programs start to misbehave when pushed a little.

It turns out that even the professional versions of these seemingly simple constructs aren't free of complacency, as the man who wrote binary search for arrays in Java ruefully realises.

Titular separation

The upcoming film Alag (which with its subtitle of "He is different. He is alone" is probably the new record holder for ratio of length of subtitle to length of title) can justifiably claim that by definition, the film is "haTake" and different from the rest. This is called built-in immunity.

Banned stand

A series of bans have been placed on The Da Vinci Code in many Congress ruled states and Tamil Nadu, though the film has been cleared by the Central Censor Board. This leads us to observe that both of the mainstream parties are pro-ban in general but they only differ in their timing. The Congress prefers a pre-emptive, a priori ban that they claim anticipates social tensions. The BJP prefers the a posteriori approach, after demonstrable evidence.

The Monty Ball Problem

Some unabashed traffic guidance: Do read my début post on Silly Point on why Monty's name is Madh.

Ad-endum

There's a new HSBC print ad out. Take a look at it and see if you can spot the identity of "the friend and colleague" beside Satyajit Ray.

That, if you didn't know, is Harindranath Chattopadhyay, well known for his poetry, lyrics, acting and even for being the brother of Sarojini Naidu. But it seems he wasn't well-known enough for Contract, the ad agency in this case. I'm a little surprised by the anonymous reference in the copy, for Chattopadhyay was a fairly recognisable person from his film credits. For instance, as the cunning magician Goopy Gyne Bagha Byne, the patriarch in Bawarchi, or for his song "My heart is beating" in Julie, and sundry little cameos on TV IIRC.

A little lament for trivial ignorance then - his identification wouldn't have been all that important to the ad, but he wasn't all that trivial himself.

Thanks to Sinfully Pinstripe to whom I turned to for double-checking, as I was so puzzled at the omission in the ad that I wondered if I had made an error.

Respond, if you please

A standard stereotype almost everywhere in the world is that staff behaviour in terms of responsiveness is usually of a poor standard in public services such as post-offices, and much better in private institutions. The reasons are not hard to decipher, for it is usually a factor of how much customer feedback affects an appraisal of a staff-member's "performance".

I've observed two exceptions to this everyday thumb-rule, one on either side of the public-private division. The staff at KReSIT's office (my department at IIT-B) is atypically responsive for a government academic office. While my interactions with most of the rest of IIT-B have been disappointing (though on an average, the number of offices here are better at public relations that at my undergrad institution of COEP, where most of the staff was as responsive as a three-toed sloth on heavy sedatives on a Sunday afternoon), KReSIT's staff have been a credit to the place. (Unless they're not covered by the usual terms that others in the place are? - such as being on contract)

In contrast, the staff at British Library, Pune can be impressively rude and condescending. Starting from the guys outside at what can only be termed as the "baggage and now let me eye you with suspicion until you prove you aren't sneaking that book out" counter and proceeding to the disdainful people inside, they're a morose bunch. Things have improved these days and some of the attitudes have changed a little, but on the whole, they never inspired confidence since the day I went there to join the library and my friend was asked to "stand aside and not block the counter" despite the fact that there was no one else around.

Writing on sport

We're writing on sports at a new blog called Silly Point. The aim is to not (merely) link to stories, but to express views critically and talk about almost all the spectral properties of that wide world. Do take a look. Shamanth and Abhishek have already kicked off in fine fashion.

Yaad aa rahaa hai, meraa gaan!

This is news. Bappi Lahiri has recorded the title track for Mani Ratnam's next film Guru, and so marks a new name in the list of singers to sing for A.R.Rahman. News via the A.R.Rahman fans egroup with the source post here (given that Mumbai Mirror has a pathetic habit of not maintaining permalinks).

So Himesh Reshammiya may not actually be that far away from realising his dream of singing for ARR :-).

Trivia question: how many film music directors (apart from ARR ;-) ) have sung for Rahman? I can count only two excluding Bappida: Shankar Mahadevan and M.S.Vishwanathan. I'm sure there are others.

Reductio ad absurdum

Has the country always been like this or is there a particularly potent wave of absurdity sweeping the land? Take for instance yesterday's decision by the association of Multiplexes in Gujarat to not show the film Fanaa ostensibly because they wish to protest the film's leading actor Aamir Khan's support for the Narmada Bachao Andolan. The real reason is quite obvious given what miscreants did to many theatres screening Khan's previous film and statements by the local BJP guys calling him the supporter of "Gujarat's no. 1 enemy". (Incidentally, the release of the movie is in trouble in other multiplexes in the country, but that's over commission sharing percentages).

This is clearly another form of coercion, almost tantamount to terrorism (even though that seems a strong word, these decisions by non-political entities are similar to reactions during bandhs: we fear for the safety of people and property in these situations). TV news report that the producers met the Gujarat CM, but failed to receive any assurances. If there was further evidence of lack of confidence in the state's law and order machinery, this was it - how can a state not be able to provide security for even such minor hassles?

If the people of Gujarat are hurt by Aamir Khan's stand as the parties claim, then why would they pay upwards of Rs. 100/- to go watch the film voluntarily? Would they not be able to show their disgust without need for such bans? I'm sure within a couple of weeks, those who are really keen on watching the film would have done so irrespective of this theatrical ban. The usual video piracy will have a great boost, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if someone were to discover a link between some of people behind the protest and this blackmarketeering. Some of the people who will lose out will be the local distributors and exhibitors.

Let's push the absurdities of the positioning to the extremes. Let's say tomorrow Kajol comes out in strong opposition to the NBA. Will the BJP push for the film's release and ensure all its cadres watch the film? In the meantime, will every BJP member who has watched an Aamir Khan film in the past either gouge out his own eyes or go in for immediate brain surgery to vacuum clean every trace of any Aamir-material in his brain? Or at the very least cover every sense orifice in his body when he appears on TV? Is every BJP worker strapped to a seat and forced to watch, preferable Clockwork-Orange style, Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi because party-behn Smriti Irani stars in it? There's an episode in the absurdist comedy Father Ted where the priests of Craggy Island are given a diktat by the bishop to prevent screening of a sleazy film that makes fun of the church. The events in that episode were hilarious while purposefully illogical. The same can't be said about events in Gujarat.

Take a bow, O Arjuna!

Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister have been among the best pieces of writing I have ever seen and admittedly a very hard act to follow when an Indian version was commissioned. The Hindi Jii Mantrijii didn't get anywhere near the brilliance of the original despite following the plots to a T, mainly because the incisive wit of the former was quite difficult to find equivalents for. But there is hope in real life. For the (fast becoming legendary) interview of Arjun Singh on CNN-IBN (link via Salil and Adi) has convinced me that all some desi Lynn and Jay have to do is to release a collection of the Hon. HRD Minister's interviews, and we'd have a rollicking Hacker-worthy masterpiece.

Let me illustrate. In an episode titled Official Secrets, Bernard Woolley, the as yet green Private Secretary gets an enlightening lesson from the PM, James Hacker, on handling difficult interviews (after Bernard gets tricked into saying the PM is above the law to the media). The eight ways are summarised as follows, and since Arjun Singh is an old practitioner of the grey arts, I have provided examples from this interview wherever possible for the benefit of any budding politicians among the readers:

1. Attack the Question and 2. Attack the Questioner:

Karan Thapar: According to the NSSO - which is a government appointed body - 23.5 per cent of the college seats are already with the OBCs.
Arjun Singh (Minister): What do you mean by college seats?
KT: University seats, seats of higher education.
Min.: Well, I don't know I have not come across that far.

KT: I put it to you that you don't have a case for reservations in terms of need, you don't have a case for reservations in terms of their efficacy, why then, are you insisting on extending them to the OBCs?
Min.: I don't want to use that word, but I think that your argument is basically fallicious (sic).
[...]
KT: Many people say that if reservations for OBCs in higher education happen, then the children of beneficiaries should not be entitled to claim the same benefit.
Min.: Why?
KT: So that there is always a shrinking base and the rate doesn't proliferate.
Min.: I don't think that that is a very logical way of looking at it.
KT: Is that not acceptable to you?
Min.: No, it is not the logical way of looking at it.

(Of course, there is no explanation on the fallacies or lack of logic)

3.Compliment the Question - I personally feel this is only for rookies and not surprisingly, the experienced campaigner didn't not need to use this base trick.

4.Unloading the Question:

KT: For example, a study done by the IITs themselves shows that 50 per cent of the IIT seats for the SCs and STs remain vacant and for the remaining 50 per cent, 25 per cent are the candidates, who even after six years fail to get their degrees. So, clearly, in their case, reservations are not working.
Min.: I would only say that on this issue, it would not be correct to go by all these figures that have been paraded.
KT: You mean the IIT figures themselves could be dubious?
Min.: Not dubious, but I think that is not the last word.

5. Make it All Appear An Act:

KT: But there are people who feel that their lives and their futures are at stake and they are undertaking fasts until death.
Min.: It is being hyped up, I don't want to go into that.
KT: Do you have no sympathy for them?
Min.: I have every sympathy.
KT: But you say it is being hyped up.
Min.: Yes, it is hyped up.
KT: So, then, what sympathy are you showing?
Min.: I am showing sympathy to them and not to those who are hyping it up.

6. Use the Time Factor: Though the minister did not explicitly make use of this technique, he must have been comforted by the fact that time has been scientifically shown to tick by at regular intervals and the interview would end soon. All he needed to do was use the remaining two methods.

7. Invoke Secrecy:

Min.: As I told you, it is an issue that I cannot comment upon at this moment because that is under examination.
KT: Will the reservation for OBCs, whatever figure your Committee decides on, will it happen in one go, or will it slowly be introduced in stages?
Min.: That also I cannot say because as I told you, all these issues are under consideration.
KT: Which means that everything that is of germane interest to the people concerned is at the moment 'under consideration' and the government is not able to give any satisfaction to the students who are deeply concerned.
Min.: That is not the point. The government knows what to do and it will do what is needed.
KT: But if the government knows what to do, why won't you tell me what the government wants to do?
Min.: Because unless the decision is taken, I cannot tell you.
KT: But you can share with me as the Minister what you are thinking.
Min.: No.
KT: So, in other words, we are manitaining a veil of secrecy and the very people who are concerned...
Min.: I am not maintaining a veil of secrecy. I am only telling you what propriety allows me to tell you.

8.Take Refuge In a Long Pointless Narrative

KT: Except that Parliament is not infallible. In the Emergency, when it amended the Constitution, it was clearly wrong, it had to reverse its own amendments. So, the question arises - Why does Parliament believe that the reservation is the right way of helping the OBCs?
Min.: Nobody is infallible. But Parliament is Supreme and atleast I, as a Member of Parliament, cannot but accept the supremacy of Parliament.
[...]
Min.: I wouldn't like to go behind all this because, as I said, Parliament has taken a view and it has taken a decision, I am a servant of Parliament and I will only implement.
[...]
KT: Let me quote to you Jawaharlal Nehru, a man whom you personally admire enormously. [...] "... This way lies not only folly, but also disaster." What do you say to Jawaharlal Nehru today?
Min.: Jawaharlal Nehru was a great man in his own right and not only me, but everyone in India accept his view.
KT: But you are just about to ignore his advice.
Min.: No. Are you aware that it was Jawaharlal Nehru who introduced the first ammendment regarding OBCs?
KT: Yes, and I am talking about Jawaharlal Nehru in 1961, when clearly he had changed his position, he said - I dislike any kind of reservations.
Min.: I don't think one could take Panditji's position at any point of time and then overlook what he had himself initiated.

A masterful performance indeed! (BTW, IBN need to proof-read better: the first page of the interview had Parliament agreeing in rare anonymity rather than unanimity!)

On a more serious note: if you think I'm biased, well, unfortunately, what to do you expect if the votaries of such policies seem to be unaware of possible contradictions and are as inarticulate as a random guy off the street? Though it must be said that very few on either side of the debate seem to have the capacity to provide clearheaded thinking right now.

A little sampling of Guinness

It has been recently revealed to me that Sir Alec Guinness was an exceptional actor. Late as this revelation may have come, it has come in time enough for me to make viewing decisions based just on his name. Prior to last week, the last time I saw Guinness in a movie was in his Oscar winning role in Bridge on the River Kwai several years ago, where he pretty much played the ultimate British-stiff-upper-lip. Obi-Wan Kenobi was many years before that, and so you can understand why I spent several years without a light sabre to dispel the darkness. The immediate gospel was delivered home via two Guinness performances: one in his famed series of "Ealing Comedies" and one in a TV production of a John Le Carré book.

The Lavender Hill Mob sees Guinness play Mr. Holland, later dubbed "Dutch" in his avatar as City employee turned bank robbery mastermind. A seemingly docile employee with a fastidous mind in charge of the regular transport of gold bars, Holland plots an ingenious attempt to pinch the bullion. Joined in by a new friend and collecting two old pros by way of one of the most ingenious recruiting schemes seen in fiction, they go in for the old smash-and-grab. The movie is all about the hilarious consequences of their actions, which I will let you discover in your own time among Eiffel Towers and Police Exhibitions. Do watch out for the typically British ironical twist at the end, which in a sense is mirrored even to this date in some of the popular Guy Ritchie films.

Smiley's People, on the other hand, sees Guinness operating in conditions of serious drama. The Le Carré world of espionage is at the opposite end of the narrative spectrum from that of Ian Fleming, with such unglamourous men such as George Smiley who live, operate and suffer. In this series of six episodes totalling upto five hours, Guinness has about 80% of screen time, and so is squarely responsible for keeping our interest alive in the fairly complex plot. Thankfully, the usual thumb rule of the average British television episode being populated by competent actors more than holds, with a supporting cast consisting of names such as Michael Gambon and a small cameo by Patrick Stewart; yet Guinness towers over them.

George Smiley is a complex character, a retired spy who is forced out of retirement again to confront past ghosts while having to get his "hands dirty" unwillingly, but with a sense of duty. Le Carré's interview in the additional features on the DVD tells us how Guinness prepared for this - talking to people from the intelligence services, gobbling up little nuances for his role, and gradually slipping into this different persona. What's striking about Guinness as Smiley is the sustained and considered acting of a quality that I seldom been privileged to watch. There are several places where the screenplay calls for just "being", sans dialogue or action, and Sir Alec manages to precisely convey to us the conflicts that seem to be grappling inside him, especially when the tough decisions need to be made. If I was studying to be an actor, this would be a much viewed manual. The contrast between the younger version of the actor with a perennial smirk in the previous film and this old, weary espiocrat was very distinctive.

I must go now - yesterday, I picked up Kind Hearts and Coronets, starring Sir Alec Guinness in eight roles, and it awaits.

To those who were expecting a narration revolving around the dark beer and were disappointed, it's not my fault - I'll have you know that I'm probably one of few people on earth to go all the way to Ireland, very close to the source of Guinness, and not even have a sip, much to consternation in some chapters. (Informative tip: they will give you a free drink if you take the tour)

On "The Interpreter of Maladies"

I have never really found books on the great cross-cultural Indian-American upheaval very good. I think the principal culprit was Fasting, Feasting by Anita Desai, whose prose seemed unnatural and disconnected from a possible reality, and books like the puerile The Inscrutable Americans didn't help the cause. Therefore, the reasons I picked up Jhumpa Lahiri's Pulitzer Prize (for Fiction, in 2000) winning collection of short stories were not the mandatory blurbs or the promise of stories from "Bengal to Boston" as the subtitle promised, but merely that it was a slim volume and I only wanted to experience first-hand her much vaunted writing style.

The book of nine stories turned out to be very impressive. Seldom have I read slice-of-life tales that seem "lived" and crumpled with use. Lahiri suffuses the stories with a rare emphathetic tone, establishing a quiet rhythm. Her choice of sentences are simple without being plain, which is what appealed to me the most. Except for one story set completely in Bengal without any tinge of the Western side, all stories keep up the subtitle's promise of intertwining lives and cultures. Quite as a quilt would when it is being woven - with many ends loose and unsure.

A review of a book like this is best kept brief. So I will, but not before noting that the first few stories from the book had the greatest emotional impact. Perhaps one could attempt reading the stories in reverse order?

Written for our Lit Blog

Annus Blogus - IV

Image may take time to load - apologies to those with a low bandwidth connection!, to those whose aesthetic sensibilities have been offended by the asymmetry of the "4", and to those who found the reading a hard job!

In previous years:
2005 was the handwritten post
2004 was the nadsat post
2003 was the boustrophedon post
2002 was the first post

When the Steves come

I am a big-match football spectator (all you big-match players rest in peace), so I lack any amount of in-depth knowledge, and so it enables me to ask some very naive questions. One such question arose last Saturday after watching Liverpool defeat West Ham United in the FA Cup Final: why isn't Steven Gerrard (in a manner reminiscent of a former quizzing teammate, I feel like immediately creating an email id called "stevengerrardisgod") the captain of the England team?

Each time, I see Gerrard let loose a shot on target after having arrived in the opposing box from deep in the Liverpool half on what must have been the bullet-train in top gear, I wonder why David Beckham, that dead-ball-deep-crossing-tattoo-and-much-more-fetishist, has the armband. Harish immediately attributed it to the high-profile sponsors of the Real Madrid galactico-in-meltdown, and in this case, I find his conspiracy theory quite plausible.

Coach-designate Steve McClaren has been cautious on the Beckham captaincy, not wishing to rock the boat before the World Cup, but anyone, apart from Ericsson (a bit of a glamour-boy himself), should be able to put Gerrard in charge for a while and see if English fortunes change. He will turn 26 in two weeks and will have enough time to make something of the team, and seems more than capable of carrying a team on his head. I think I prefer these English captains in the Shearer mould.

Blogger Search - the vast emptiness

Why is Blogger Search so bad while searching on a specific blog? I never get any good results (in fact, in several cases, no results at all) while searching for many of the keywords on my own blog. For some of the keywords like names of films about which I've written earlier, I get no results from what should be a very small result set. The problem either is that their indexing sucks or it could be because of some heuristic optimisation (talking somewhat out of my hat). Either way, it's the worst Google feature I've used.

And, like George, I've discovered the exceedingly irritating news that Webstats, the site-stats provider for this blog, was instrumental in a silly popup appearing and so wiped it out from all my blogs. Now, why would a site do something as stupid as that and risk losing its customers. Must confess that I don't contribute to their monthly revenue, but such a lot of ill-will. Read the details at George's.

A little fun, a little aargh

And that's only the music of Fanaa. I'm not too keen on watching the film, given that the ingredients consist of the Chopra clan, Kunal Kohli (no surprise given my views on "Dumb Chums"), the title that makes me itch to add an "h", and it doesn't help that there is "an ending contest" that no matter how much fun George makes of it, the comments in the contest page will always beat him hands down, albeit unintentionally.

That establishing rant aside, a few thoughts on the music. I chose to write this post mainly because the music has a couple of interesting points to it. This soundtrack is, as is probably well-known by now, Jatin-Lalit's last as a composing duo. Fanaa (soundtrack credits) is a fitting sample of their wares: a couple of nice melodies, an sense of candy-floss and some rather mediocre tracks.

Mahalaxmi Iyer, who I personally think has been under-utilised and underrated, gets a lot of footage (byte-age?) in the album. But sadly, she doesn't snag any of the good ones. "Des Ra.ngiilaa" is extremely cliched, especially as in recent times, we've seen similar ventures in Veer Zaara and a good one in Swades. "Cha.ndaa Cha.mke", the insipid introduction to Hindi tongue-twisters is made annoying by Babul Supriyo and so poor Mahalaxmi has to grin and belt out the "mushkil gaanaa" - but we let it off on the excuse that it is some sort of a "fun" situation song. Reasons to not like "Chaa.nd Sifaarish": Shaan tending to Sanu, bad choice of choral riffs and sight of up-and-down-the-stairs dance steps. Electric guitar and Kailash Kher inserts - not so bad. Prediction: will be catchy, in the way many J-L songs have been.

Let's go to the nice stuff, both of which have Sunidhi Chauhan and Sonu Nigam. "Mere Haath Me.n" has the guest voices of Aamir Khan (this is turning out to be an unnecessary trademark in many of his films now) and Kajol reading out intense lines including the clearly reverse-engineered "panaah-fanaah" kaafiyaa. The arrangements didn't catch my fancy on the whole, but the tune is melodiously strong enough to survive that and so is the singing. It's about time Sunidhi Chauhan's "item song pinchhitter" status changes for the better.

Which brings us to the best song in the album (all IMHO if you haven't guessed yet): "Dekho Naa" by Nigam and Chauhan is well-made and worth a few listens. The sitaar and santoor strains (would like to know if my inference of the instruments are wrong) form a fine base, with the J-L choral inserts not detracting too much from this addition to the Bollywood rain-song collection.

A couple of instrumentals round off the album: "Destroyed in Love(Lounge Mix)" is nice in its lounge orchestration of "Dekho Naa" and "Mere Haath Me.n" (riding on the melody), while I didn't think much of "Fanaa for You (Chand Sifarish - DJ Aqeel Club Mix)". Lyrics by Prasoon Joshi are not bad, though he doesn't quite transcend the typical Bollywood genres unlike his masterful efforts in Rang De Basanti. The better songs somehow give out a private-album feeling rather than a cohesive film album, while the not-so-good songs are merely average hindi film songs in the tradition of the past. Let's see what the Pandit brothers do in their separate ways in the future.

Calling it short

Billie Jean King would have happily seen me relegated to a French sty in the company of Nicholas Chauvin, but not any more. For Brijnath has made me see the light through the net.

Until yesterday I couldn't quite see any logic in the "equal pay for men and women at the Grand Slams" debate, for didn't the men slog out five of the most motivation-sapping sets and then do it again tomorrow? While the women daintily flitted through to the semi-finals only to choke 6-1, final set in the 2nd thirty minutes of the match? Apparently, I haven't been watching my tennis properly. Read Rohit Brijnath's article (link) in last week's Sportstar, where despite the not-so-shariif sans-serif machinistic fonts of the revamped sports-magazine, he makes his point. And takes the match with it.

Rs. 4/- per issue is no reflection on you, sir.

Captain's knock

I don't really see much of Tamil star-(zyaada)-actor-cum Vijaykanth these days as I once used to while resident in the cheerfully cinematic bedlam-land of Madras. But whatever fleeting glimpses I do catch on what ammaa lovingly calls "the Karunanidhi family channel" of Sun TV, I realise that the actor fondly called Captain is keeping alive the legacy of the stereotypical "South Indian" hero.

I am usually among the first to scoff at the rest of Bollywood-India to straitjacket the equally if not more prolific film industries from the states of Southern India, but you can't really defend what some of these guys have done. Your archetypal cult hero usually aged gracefully by employing wigs and makeup around the pencil moustache; with one twitch of the right eyebrow, he'd get the nubile, aged merely-a-mischevious-twinkle-in-her-father's-eye-when-the-hero-was-making-his-25th-film belle to swoon into his arms while with the other eyebrow, he'd mesmerise the populace into casting votes for his newly formed party. Dancing and electioneering, paunches and populism, "punch dialogues" and slogans came easily to them.

Founders and Champions of this brand of celebrity-hood were the likes of MGR and NTR while veterans like Prem Nazir and Rajkumar didn't dabble in the political side but often did (and more successfully) a "Raj Kapoor in Around the World in 8 dollars". Shivaji Ganesan's occasional flared bellbottoms were only about as pleasant as his lack of success at the ballot boxes.

However, this trend seems to have taken a hit in recent times with the likes of Rajnikanth being in a permanent state of ambivalence and only a few attempts to keep the flag up from the Kannada and Andhra sectors. However, Vijaykanth is doing much to prop the dying art of the South Indian aging star with political ambitions. Described as a veteran of the "lungi western" by Shamanth, le capitaine was elected to the TN Legislative Assembly recently, continues to get jiggy with it with buxom lasses, maintains the scaramoustache while uttering verbal punches that guarantee a thunderous clap.

And if you are among those unfortunate enough to not have experienced the DMDK president's full blast, take a look at this little video clip (link thanks to Vaibhav). Subtitles have been provided for full viewing contentment.

1 Up

Crossword opened yet another store in Pune - supposedly, their largest, and on the premises of the International Convention Centre premises on Senapati Bapat Road, the construction of which heralded the archaeological excavation processes in the city a couple of years ago. I tend to be slightly critical of such mini-behemoth bookstores, but one must say that the store is actually quite inviting - the softbacked chairs next to the massive glass walls with a lack of congestion (so far) that bedevils some of their other stores in the city made it a happy experience for the first-timer.

The usual Crossword problems persist though: the lesser-known books are hard to find, the vcds are stacked back-to-back in the most sub-optimal manner that actually forces you to noisily flip through them causing little avalanches that get the security guys dogging my steps (or so I thought!). The "Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes" were spotted in the "Biography" section. Thankfully, this store spells "VCDs" without causing the Apostrophe Protection Society too much colonic distress unlike the Aundh one which had the ironic sight of "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" parked close to the shelves with the heading "VCD's".

The music and movies sections are on the first floor. Question: aren't stores more disability-friendly these days? This one definitely isn't, with its stairs. Bought a couple of books that have been on my to-buy list for a long while now: Ramachandran and Blakeslee's "Phantoms in the Brain" and Dawkins' "The Selfish Gene". Was scared to ask if "Godel, Escher, Bach" was out of stock for fear that it may have been filed under "Religion and Philosophy", but finally mustered up the courage and mercifully found out it was merely unavailable. I wish Crossword would get its employees to make a simple, but potentially profitable enquiry of "could we order it for you?" or "we could let you know when it comes in" that would forestall me taking my business elsewhere.

By the way, am I just a cheap, miserly person or are books overpriced on an average? Hope to soon visit the new Landmark in Bombay, while noticing that Odyssey has begun to advertise on TV. But most importantly, the long pending visit to Pathfinder.

Pardon my egotistic effrontery...

... but I think I'm back to blogging.

TN pot elections

They should market it better, sell tickets and popcorn, and add some more songs. Each edition of Tamil Nadu elections is a paisa-vasool entertainer with lots of eggs being broken and giving some people with some unintended facials.

If anyone voted for the DMK because they're offering free TVs, then I'm really surprised - who would have thought that there are still people in that cinema-crazy population without this essential service, second only to running water? If only the ammaa (the extra 'a' is intentional - too lazy to type her entire name with the extraa) had promised home theatres with woofers, tweeters et al, she might have pulled it off.

The customary pre-tournament transfer window saw some big names cross over - people like the actor Sarat Kumar for instance. In ten years time, it has been forecast that at this rate, the entire bench of both teams would have completely swapped (with the possible exception of the two leaders, of course). This is like the dilemma that some football fans face who don't have a local club to support. Do you support a player irrespective of where he plies his wares, or do you support the team?

The comedy track in this election was played with great aplomb by Jaya TV. Masters of stubborn resistance would do well to take lessons from the steadfast decision of the ammaa channel to hold on to their own version of reality by claiming a 10% lead in seats for the AIADMK all through the morning of the results while everyone else showed us the mundane and boring version. I wouldn't have been surprised if the former Iraqi Information Minister was a special consultant on this landmark performance.

PTOI is IX

And they've provided us with ammo for a tribute! Read here.

A small screen view of celluloid

Judging by the first set of trailers for the film that gets a direct entry to the numerologically-affected-fillmm hall of fame, Krrrish (is that three "r"'s or less? I never can tell) is being sold as a pot-pourri of Baywatch and The Matrix.

For as Chandler Bing memorably said about "Baywatch" - "they're running!" which is what Krrish does a lot, and with bulges too, just like the people in red used to. As for swirling black capes from a collection of rows and columns, Srikkanth junior is perched on a tekaDi doing that too.

*** One of the recent trends in Hindi pop cinema is to make use of the word "hot" as if it was a two-minute sachet of er0tica while merely conveying the effect of a scalded potato. While Priyanka Chopra makes offers at either end of the temperature scale in "aaiTraaz" (spelt as pronounced in the kitsch-friendly trailers and underlined as "the most controversial film ever"), Ms. Lion-a-what? spoils the already cold effect in "Shaadi Se Pehle" by following "I'm hot/forget-me-not".

Remember a rule-of-thumb in a share-a-vat like delivery: if they say it's hot, it's going to be not.

*** Here's something from yesterday's TOI that left me clutching my stomach and giving impressions of a barrel tossing on stormy seas. One of the routine gossipy news items informs us that Shah Rukh Khan is reported miffed with Ram Gopal Varma for working on Nishabd with Amitabh Bachchan rather than on the film (Time Machine) they were supposed to do together. It also tells us:

Apparently, the rumours started when RGV made some digs at Karan Johar's SRK's starrer Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, saying he wanted to see Karan's film because he loved horror films.

Interesting, RGV doesn't deny this, merely stating that Johar and he had this joke going on for a while and neither of them minds. But that's why some of us think RGV rocks, and he has my vote even if his films have derailed in the last couple of years. *** Remember KANK? No? Well, you had better get used to it. Say it a couple of times: KANK. KANK. It did come as a blow to those who predicted K4-something as being Johar's next, but news is that Ekta Kapoor and Rakesh Roshan have left no K tiles on the Scrabble rack. KANK it will be then. My blog is going to have a lot of hits starting in a few months for saying KANK, KANK, KANK.

Time to say goodbye?

*** The earlier news item about RGV means that he has slipped a little in the ongoing contest with Shekhar Kapur to announce the most films without actually shooting any. Though Kapur loses some points in the game by announcing last week that he is pulling out of the "Buddha "project, he still has a lot more announced-but-will-never-bother-to-film movies in the bag such as "Paani" and "Elizabeth II" (the sequel dummy, not the current queen).

##Announce## karanaa zaruuri hai.

*** This emerged in a little chat with George while discussing the surfeit of "stars" in the next Vishal Bharadwaj adaptation of a Bard play, Omkara. I think a fantasy pairing would be Rajnikanth as Othello and Kamalahassan as Iago. Of course the day after the announcement, the production would keel over and die because of the hype.

Oh, I'll be slick

A presentation on "Oligopolies" has the word spelt as "Oiligopoly". A moment after the inevitable jokes are made, the next slide shows OPEC as a classic example. I only wish it had been intentional.
[I'm sure this mishap has happened several times before, but it was my first time.]

Icy Web of the Silken Snow God

One of the few positive outcomes of having a blocked nose on a semi-permanent basis is that the danger of me being asked to croon "Oooo Huzuur/Teraa Teraa Teraa Suruuuur" is slight. However, I can report the following note of interest. Notice how the lines

Meri baate.n\
meri saa.nse.n\
tanhaa raate.n

are tuned very similar to

chho.Do chho.Do\
merii raahe.n\
merii baahe.n aa

a.k.a the song Disco Station from "Hathkadi" (starring Reena Roy IIRC)?

Though given his track record, I'm willing to give Himesh R the benefit of the doubt. To his credit, one has to say that people seem to like his music and though he's milking the udders dry as a result in his leather jacket, baseball cap and doleful palette of expressions, good luck to him while it lasts.

On a closing note, let me record my disappointment that Himesh's nose wasn't awarded the Filmfare R.D.Burman Award for Upcoming Musical Talent.

Sawan Kumar Tak Dhina Dhin

This is one of those unfortunate things that you think, you tell and you blog. In a populist, no-holds barred comment-seeking post, leave your answers in the comments... [Gaurav banned]

Q. If Sawan Kumar Tak was a sportsman, what would his jersey number be?
A. "110" (owing to what can only be termed as the "Sou-ten fetish")

The greatest ODI ever? Naah!

Predictably, everyone's calling it the greatest limited overs match ever. Not for me. The greatest run chase? Without doubt. But just like people tend to pick Sir Garfield Sobers as the Best Cricketer ever (if they don't, they should :-) ) over Sir Bradman, I wouldn't call it the best match, simply because it was just a batting extravaganza and the art of bowling had no say for more than 10 balls in the whole match.

I tend to cock a snook at these "batting jamborees". Yesterday's match was reminiscent of many thrilling chases in the past, of which I have loathed many. What's the point in having a cricket match if the ball has no role but to ricochet from bat to boundary and back? Personally, the best ODI I've seen still remains the 1999 World Cup semi-final between the same teams. Because you had roles for the spinner, the seamer, even the fielders apart from the batsmen. It turned out to be Warne's imposition of his will to win over Klusener's shotgun shots. In contrast, yesterday's effort was one of those little skill testing tourneys they play for tp on television.

Take nothing away from Smith and co., for having the gumption to believe that they could sustain the effort throughout (something India didn't manage almost exactly 3 years ago). For surmounting the chokers tag that Cullinan referred to on air (which was promptly followed by Hall holing out). But do you want to see a game where it was a question of a swing-batters exhibition? Hopefully it was a freak occurence and stays that way. Or else, pack your team with batters, some of whom can bowl a bit for they're anyway going to end up with an economy rate of 8+. Agreed that both sides lacked class in the bowling and wilted under pressure like hot butter. Still, there's only so many sixes one can take hit by a batsman teeing off. Plus the frontiers get pushed back oh so much, spills over to Test matches and makes bowlers even more defensive.

And Australia have serious trouble brewing. Even before yesterday's match, it was quite clear from the 1st two matches in this series that the bowling cupboard is bare at the moment and the young 'uns aren't there yet. The batting needed Ponting to make a massive difference. Going back to Martyn and Kasprowicz for the Test series was a retrograde step (plus by dropping Hodge, they'd have upped the insecurity ante even more in the team).

The wolf is clearly at the door for the champs.

Rediffraction

Some recent "Bollywood" stories that have the Rediff hallmark:

* The story Diya comforts cancer patients informs us that "a special screening of Chingaari -- Kalpana Lajme's film about a prostitute and a priest -- was held for the patients, and the filmmaker was joined by Diya and vocalist Ila Arun".

Now, I greatly sympathise with the cancer patients and hope their treatment goes well with the least amount of suffering. But judging by how the film seems to have turned out, was it necessary to add greater pain to their lives by showing them the film? No wonder they needed comforting, even if it was only Diy[?]a Mirza doing the balming.

* In the irresistably (?) titled Chaos with Shahid & Kareena, we are informed to our distress that Priyadarshan continues to haunt us (like a sore on an adamant barnacle) with yet another film with picks from his usual desi-Ikea furniture store cast (compounding it this time with Messrs. Kap[oo|u]rs and Dhupia). To balance "the horror, the horror!", Rediff provides this wonderful nugget:

"Which, for Chup Chup Ke, is saying a lot, considering Kareena plays a mute girl and Shahid pretends to be one."

Whether Shahid really turns out to be a mute girl or not, you'll have to watch the film. Or you could read the remaining slides, which, I suspect, might be less painful.

Blank Noise Project

I learnt about The Blank Noise Project via Sarika. I couldn't get myself to contribute to this "blogathon" because there were way too many irreconciliable strands personally. So I thought I'd let everyone else do the writing on this. Then Amit wrote this brilliant post that pretty much says everything I wanted to say on the topic.

But a small conversation with Gaurav prised out a small point that had remained dormant in my head. That if you're in a group of guys, there is a definite amount of peer-pressure to gawk and comment. If you don't behave like them, you're considered a simpleton (or whatever other inferences the group chooses to make). Of course, no one knows who draws the line between "admiration" and "leching". But if you're a third-person observer and if you see a girl walk by, instead of looking at her, look at the clumps of guys around. And pause a little to think.

There are degrees and there are degrees, but since the people reading all this will in all likelihood be a bunch of bloggers who're not likely (hopefully) to shove women around in public, this shouldn't be just about the more obvious physical abuse.

Update: (Oh, and nice excuse to bash up the movies) As a child I remember always thinking it weird that the villain got beaten up for chasing the heroine while the hero did pretty much what the villain did but instead was rewarded with a coquettish glance and with more melodious background music. Hmm...

O Costs

Gaurav, Kunal and Harish will testify that I have now started pretending I'm a budding economist by asking them clarifications on opportunity cost problems [Smirking? See if you get this question right!] and slapping my head on failing to answer a question (in a "real quiz") on the invisible hand.

Incidentally, last week, I stumbled upon it in a very interesting context. This was from the Xooglers blog.

Sergey once asked a large assemblage of Googlers what our greatest corporate expense was. “Health insurance!” was one answer shouted back. “Salaries!” “Servers!” “Taxes!” “Electricity!” “Charlie’s grocery bills!,” came back others. “No,” said Sergey. “Opportunity cost.” He explained that the products we weren’t launching and the deals we weren’t doing threatened our economic stability more than any single line item in the budget. It became a regular call and response at staff meetings and added to the sense that no matter how hard we were working, success was slipping through our fingers. Rather than cause employees to feel defeated, however, it became a rallying cry to redouble their efforts.

Interesting mantra for a confirmed structured procrastinator like me.

Manjunath Trust

A trust has been set up in memory of Manjunath with several objectives in mind. Please do take a moment to read the details at Gaurav's blog here and contribute if you concur.

A Nightmare is ...

... an episode from the Zzzz Horror Show.

(If this has been done before, I claim refuge in independent re-discovery)

Veg Triple Mondae

It's uncanny how these three look the same - not just facially, but girthwise and in their cap-'n-beard-ness. And you thought Michael Madana KamaRajan was outrageous!

BTW, these three are Vikram Inamdar (this is from the film Iqbal - more famously Sanjeev from "Hyderabad Blues"), Himesh Reshammiya and of course, Inzy (IDuppazhagan?)

And also
* Saket's got a post in similar territory on how Conan O'Brien and the President of Finland got together (Daemon: I remember your theory-of-faces :-))
* And previously on this blog: Triple Schezwan Sundae

Here's a thought for the day

My biggest problem, nay complaint, with the day that is "today" is that you can't complain about anything today with most people ascribing it to "today". Instead, you've got to look like a benign Buddha (too much merriment also evokes comment). I like my complaints and I like to complain, so I'm not very happy with anyone taking that away from me in a blaze of innuendo. I'm fairly happy as a person right now (if you discount all the various complaints) and especially if you compare my lot to a whole set of people. I'd be complaining about the same things tomorrow as well, but suddenly tomorrow's complaint is much more mundane than today's. I resent that.

In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Joel rightly starts off saying that "Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap". And if you tell me this post was a classic example of a reaction from someone not having to make any purchases that make those greeting card companies fill their pockets, don't come near me or I'll give you something to complain about :-)

95 Run De Basanti*

Members of the ARR-SRT Fan Combine (there is usually a high degree of intersection between these two sets) breathe sighs of relief with two commercially successful scores recently. Though most of the followers had professed (atleast publicly) a continuation of faith and pointed to continued critical plaudits for immediately preceding records, these recent efforts would have provided a balm of relief and held at bay the wolf of doubt.

(*not to be confused as an exhortation to Hema Malini)

Night Fall

Just like Sud, I entered this effort in a short-story competition and didn't get any joy with it (weep, weep). Will hence splash it on these pages for all to see.

Night Fall

In the large chapel, he sees the priest hand over the crown to the emperor as the consort looks on, pleased. Everyone breaks out in applause. Cheers ring out as the king looks benevolently around. He reaches out and kisses the priest's (oh wait, he must be the archbishop) ring on his finger.

The ceremony is over. People start to file through the elegant staircase to the floor above. They're in the large open porch. On a turret above, the Royals emerge to the accompaniment of the clergy on either side. They wave and the guns below boom in august sonority, scattering the crows on the highest reaches of the castle. He feels extremely pleased, and strangely secure.

Below, the gathered soldiers transit into another formation. A hop across, one by one, strangely diagonal. Her Highness peers out, rather dangerously. It prompts the cautious King to look anxiously at her, much to the tittering amusement of the noblemen below (but he can only see deep meditation writ large on his face).

The cavalry file in offering their respects. The glittering standard leads them; the men on the majestic horses present a proud picture of authority. A collective gasp of wonderment is spontaneous.

Chestnut and dapple, charcoal and sorrel, these fine animals trot deferentially. But his heartbeat races. And lo! One of the black horses leaps up improbably onto the verandah scattering the dukes (he watches, horrified) and in another giant jump reaches the turret. She's dead and He will be soon. We will be powerless.

He woke up, sweating. Twice in two days.

*** "... lost the crown to the underdog. Despite the advantage of white pieces, the champion made an uncharacteristic error on his 38th move, leaving his opponent's Knight free to ..."

BCQC News feature

The BC quizzing gang got featured in a news article. More details here.

Talk and Mail - what's the difference?

Yet to have Talk enabled with my GMail, but it's quite exciting - for me, the most novel and lateral idea since GMail's conversations and labels in a Webmail service.

Never underestimate the predictability...

... of both stupidity and some ex-cricketers. If you want more reasons why Bishen Singh Bedi is the Indian equivalent of Fred Trueman (in making statements), some more popped out of this rather useless Rediff contribution of his.

First, the irony of him saying "He (Virender Sehwag) must shed a few pounds to look a competent athlete" is hard to ignore, even if there is any reason in that statement - I don't know. But defining the look of a competent athlete is perhaps best left to others. Then Bedi gets his facts horribly tied up as if mixing up an armball with a chinaman. He says:

The Pakistan coach was most familiar with the D/L method as he have been part of the South African team in a World Cup tie at Sydney when the Proteas were required 23 runs off one ball. Bob Woolmer was early and wise to keep his boys posted about the D/L method.

Now,

1. Bob Woolmer had no part to play with the SA team of 1992 in that World Cup (IIRC). He became coach sometime after 1994.
2. The Duckworth-Lewis method was not introduced until 1999.
3. The 1992 Cup was played under a rain rule suggested by Richie Benaud (and perhaps others), so they should be blamed (But then I'm sure Bedi has more respect for a great player than a bunch of "lousy mathematicians").

Finally, this infuriating statement: "the result had to be decided by that lousy mathematician duo of Duckworth and Lewis. What a pity that cricketers have to leave their unfinished work to the unknowns, who may have never played the game." Well, it comes back to asking whether playing the game at the highest level has anything to do with coming up with a rain rule system. D/L is perhaps not the best system, but it remains the fairest one known so far and its heart is definitely in the right place (I don't know about the alternative system some Indian suggested - however the same criticisms will be levelled against that as well). Even if some cricketer can't understand it, why does he have to bother - just follow the printout issued to you! What other way is possible to finish a match, Mr. Bedi?

Further suggested reading for him: The Duckworth Lewis Method and this article by Harsha Bhogle mentioning the topic. My problem with these sort of columns are that they are full of criticisms but not one bit of it is constructive and useful for anyone.

Anatomy of a human spam-collective

It was an ordinary evening until the following sequence of emails:

• 5 pm: Mail sent to all lists of a certain kind (reaching about 300 inboxes) announcing a programme (and a note on its history)
• 6:10 pm: Reply from someone objecting to certain interpretations of the history
• 6:15 pm: Same reply from someone objecting to certain interpretations of the history again
• 6:20 pm: Third copy of reply from someone objecting to certain interpretations of the history
• 7:10 pm: Response from originator of thread rebutting these objections
• 7:30 pm: Response from objector apologising for inadvertent triple sundae special earlier, but sticking to guns on version of history
• 8:05 pm: First mumblings of anger from person unconnected to the whole controversy asking above people to shut up
• 8:35 pm: Another reply condemning in no uncertain terms the washing in open of laundry
• 9:40 pm: First meta-spam condemnation asking spam-objectors to stop objecting so publicly
• 9:50 pm: Concurrence from another meta-spam object displeased at the modern tendency of people to first spam and of others to spam-spam
• 10:05 pm: Super-spam objector airdashes into fray and in no uncertain terms asks people to take a hike and stop (no points for guessing) sending unsolicited email to all
• 10:10 pm: First rat to desert ship: "please remove my email id/alias from this discussion" email
• 10:25 pm: "please remove my email id/alias from this discussion too" email
• 10:45 pm: "While you are at, why not remove mine too?" reply
• 11:05 pm: "Please please stop all this nonsense immediately" email
• 11:10 pm: The "yeah, I agree too" mail (in reality, didn't come).
  All times have been changed to protect temporal identity

  How I would like to see them hung upside down with cans of this preparation stuffed down (up?) their throats and end to end.

  [The "that's why I'm a misanthrope" collection]

Pyarelal's Cereal

I think Abhishek is getting his wish with this #me joke.

behN de Takke

Recent utterances have led me to draw a Thematic K-line between TarN Adarsh and Myuin KhaaN.

TarN says about the music of Rang De Basanti: A.R. Rahman’s music is ordinary. Barring Paathshala and the title track, Rahman’s score doesn’t stay with you after the screening has ended. Where was he when they were playing Ruubaruu ?

Myuin, in his turn, said: As a wicketkeeper, Sachin's controversial dismissal also reminded me of a few batsmen who preferred walking off the pitch on their legs rather than being carried away on stretchers when the great Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis were at their brilliant best. Was he thinking back to this ?

Pardon first my intolerance, and then my ignorance, but what exactly does "behN de Takke" mean? Mail me if you can't say it in public. (Reminds me of the other time I was looking for meanings of Punjabi phrases.)

Rang De Basanti anti-review

I finally feel like I'm a member of the blogosphere again. I watched "Rang De Basanti" yestreen, seemingly one of the last members of the human-race-that-blogs to do so. This is the 135492.32th review of the movie:
(Dire warning: no spoilers ahead, so read at your own peril)

So I watched RDB yesterday (have Pancham fans united to reclaim the cherished brand? - I see a WWF-WWE tussle emerging) and I thought it was. That was because of the acting and somewhat because of the. The story was, but still I couldn't help thinking that they were really. The dialogues were right out of the.

Aamir Khan was, well,. As usual Atul Kulkarni. Perhaps the rest were by it. It was an but ensemble cast, the likes of which usually don't. I disagree with some of the reviews that held that. It wasn't in the case of the Khers and Om Puri, you would have to say. What more can you say to that?

Incidentally, did anyone notice that there were many ? As has been discussed in detail elsewhere, the parallels were and so I'm still to make my mind up on whether. So overall, one would have to say that. The music was used in.

So in summary, my recommendation would be. I wonder if people disagree with any or all of the above?

Dedicated to all those web-writers who gloriously took us through frame-by-frame of the movie (despite which, like any good blogger, I still queued up to pay my Rs. 100-odd) without (and with justification) needing to insert in spoiler warnings. This is exactly what a guy needs to make his mind up. I wonder if anyone revealed the exact kind of pickle Aamir Khan eats along with his paraaThaas? (oops - despite myself, I seem to have let out an important plot hook - drat and damn.)

Previous anti-review: Swades

If I was casting for triplets

I don't remember what Rubens Barrichello's voice sounds like, but Kelsey Grammer does have a voice worthy of Orson Welles.