Their Filmfares

In an astonishingly audacious editorial a couple of days, the Times of India suggested that the Oscars were not democratic enough because "The time-honoured tradition of Oscar nominees and winners being chosen by a closed club of Academy members is feudal...".

This is astonishing merely because as far as I can tell, the Academy Awards never set out to be a popularity contest, but more of a reward of excellence. Whether they get it right or not is a different question. I'm not going to "defend" the Oscars - there are several instances of them not getting things right (which anyway is a subjective call), and like the Nobel Prize for Literature, it is increasingly righting previous wrongs. But if you forget who the Oscar went to, and just look at each year's list of nominees, you will say a majority of them deserved to be there. This is more than what someone can say for entire categories at the Filmfare Awards.

The Filmfare awards want to, and desperately at that, be a popularity award first and not a critics award. Fair enough. But let's drop the hypocrisy of excellence, when all you want to do is engage in a massive backscratching exercise with no credibility - I mean, once you open the voting to the internet and SMS, as TOI so avidly advocates, the scripts take over.

The Filmfare awards have completely alienated a number of movie-goers (are we "significant"? dunno), but thanks to multiplexes, distributors, and technological revolutions, it's possible for us in the long tail to be sated somewhat. The days of giving the Best Film award to the likes of "Rajnigandha" and "Ardh Satya" are long gone. We've learnt to live with times when Kareena Kapoor wins a Critic's Award for "Best Actress" when several worthier actresses abound. But don't rub it in. Audiences have no business voting for technical categories such as Best Editing or Screenplay. Democracy doesn't guarantee excellence or even a sense of participation. We can live with awards given out by a "mai-baap" as long as it doesn't offend our senses.

Stories at the Coffee Table

A couple of years ago, Caferati ran an online short-story competition, the winning entries to which would go into a book. I sent in an entry, it didn't make the first cut or was on standby, and I forgot all about it. Over a year ago, I received an email from the editors at Caferati asking if the story was still available. Since it was merely loitering in my inbox, I said, yes sir, with three bags full.

The line went silent till about 12 months later when we found that despite all the pitfalls of getting a book out on their own, Caferati was finally going ahead with the publishing. Which they did. It's called Stories at the Coffee Table and has a very elegant design to it. It was launched in Jaipur at the lit-fest there and in Mumbai at the Kala Ghoda Arts Festival a month ago (which, BTW, in further evidence of my ever-increasing senility, I contrived to miss by mistaking a Thursday for a Friday). I didn't want to blog about it until I got a copy in hand, which I did yesterday.

The book is priced at a modest Rs. 200/- (the publishers will use it to recover their costs - the authors don't get anything :-)) and is currently available only by direct request (see here). Apparently, authors can obtain a discount, so if you are sufficiently moved by this venture and have the stomach for writings of an eclectic kind :-), then let me know.

The list of authors can be seen here. Incidentally, there are lots of people there sharing similarities with me - software kiddos, fellow quizzers, people from PSPL and IIT Bombay, and lots of names from Pune. I haven't read any of the other stories yet though.

Many thanks to the perseverence of Peter Griffin, Manisha Lakhe, and Annie Zaidi at Caferati, and for making the opportunity available. Thanks also to Sudarshan who, IIRC, told me about the contest.

And if you're keen to know, my entry straddles cricket, mathematics and Japanese politics (whoa!). Now, I don't think it's the best thing I've ever written (that 'honour' (dubious) probably would be something like this story), and I haven't even written all that much in life, for there to be a scale of any kind. What's more: I just have lost the capacity to subjectively or objectively assess the entry. I'd like to hear fresh opinions of any kind about the story, if you have them for me. I won't be hurt :-). We all have to start somewhere. If you like what I write, a few efforts on this blog (that have been labeled) are available here.

Update: The publishers now have a feedback page up here. To specifically comment about my entry, click here.

The Silly Season of Predictions - the 52nd Filmfare Awards

As the acme of their efforts to be like the Oscars, the organisers of the Filmfare Awards have even managed to host their show the same day as their Hollywood counterparts. What would a dream awards result be like? We dip into the yucky waters to probe:

Best Film
Tough, tough, tough. I'd give it to Dhoom-2 for maintaining the vapourware illusion of having made a film, even by Bollywood standards. At this rate, Dhoom-3 will be the epitome of "a consensual hallucination", just for 200/- bucks.

Best Director
Rakesh Roshan (Krrish). For directing the same film n times over and getting away with it.

Best Actor in a leading role (Male)
Inky pinky ponky father had a donkey donkey died father cried inky pinky ponky. The winner: Shahrukh Khan (Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna) (statistics show that however sophisticated the algorithm, the main part of the answer is usually the same)

Best Actor in a leading role (Female)
Aishwarya Rai (Dhoom 2). What if she stops acting due to domestic duties and never gets nominated again? We'll have to wait at least 10 years for the Lifetime Achievement. Let's not take any chances.

Best Actor in a supporting role (Male)
Abhishek Bachchan Amitabh Bachchan Shweta Bachchan Jaya Bachchan, for Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. Phew, the balance of power is restored after the Best Actor award.

Best Actor in a supporting role (Female)
Even the Oscars continue to say "Actress". Why the faux-modernism? Anyway, the award goes to Shilpa Shetty for acting as an actress, supported or cantilever.

Best Actor in a comic role
Hrithik Roshan (Krrish). After all, the role was literally taken from some random comic.

Best Actor in a negative role
Priyadarshan, for inflicting his poorly re-programmed Malayala-Panoramas on us.

Best Music
Pritam Chakraborty's BitTorrent client.

Best Lyrics
(Since this is probably the only category with an all-respectable nomination record, we will refrain from nasty commentary here).

Best Playback (Male)
The deviated septum currently known as Himesh Reshammiya wins, thanks to booth-capturing by, well, bhoots.

Best Playback (Female)
Kareena Kapoor ("I just called to say...", Omkara). Thankfully the Kapoors win an award this year too, so we don't have to resort to plan-B i.e. award the Lifetime Achievement Award to Babita.

The Silly Season of Predictions - The 79th Academy Awards

(I cannot think of the Academy Awards without thinking about dear old COEP's Regatta, for the Oscars and the Regatta increment side by side in Feb-March each year. Good luck for the 79th Regatta!)

From the Oscar nominations this year, I look into my crystal Kookaburra and divine:

Performance by an actor in a leading role
The Buzz: Forest Whitaker in "The Last King of Scotland" is apparently a shoo-in.
Sentimentally: Peter O’Toole in "Venus". He's been at the Oscars so many times! Give the man a competitive Oscar :-)
Blind Spot: DiCaprio? Unlikely.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
The Buzz: An open race. Mark Wahlberg for "The Departed" leads, perhaps?
My Sentimental Fav.: Alan Arkin for "Little Miss Sunshine"
Blind Spot: Surprises likely. IIRC, this is usually the first award to be given out on the night, so we'll know first up.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
The Buzz: Helen Mirren in "The Queen"
My Sentimental Fav.: Mirren again. Terrific actress. Jeff from 'Coupling' would be rooting for her too :-)
Blind Spot: Penélope Cruz in "Volver"

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
The Buzz: Rinko Kikuchi in "Babel"
My Sentimental Fav.: Little miss Abigail Breslin in "Little Miss Sunshine"
Blind Spot: Can't think of an upset here

Achievement in directing
The Buzz: Tight as ever. Perhaps the long awaited Martin Scorsese Oscar, this time for "The Departed", will materialise. But there's grizzly old Clint-y. Never, ever discount him. He's always feeling lucky.
My Sentimental Fav.: Marty for sure.
Blind Spot: Alejandro González Iñárritu. The ensemble-hyperlinked-globalised movie directors are in vogue

Best foreign language film of the year
The Buzz: The absence of "Volver" was apparently a surprise, as was the inclusion of "Water". But seems like "Pan’s Labyrinth" is the front-runner here.
My Sentimental Fav.: I suppose one would have to say "Water", but I didn't quite like it a lot. But still, good luck.
Blind Spot: Have nary a clue

Best motion picture of the year
The Buzz: Ah, the big one. "Babel" or "Letters from Iwo Jima". "The Departed" a close follower. Tough to call. I picked the first two because they have Academy-friendly themes.
My Sentimental Fav.: The unlikely one: "Little Miss Sunshine". More practically, "The Departed".
Blind Spot: "The Queen"? Impossible, mate.

Watch out for Hirak's list of predictions, coming soon.

How many rules must a rider break...

Thought experiment: how many Indian traffic rules can be simultaneously broken using a two-wheeler situation? (The violations must be obvious, which rules out mundane things like not carrying a licence or pollution control certificate. Assumptions allowed: helmets are mandatory).

The best I could come up with were:
A two-wheeler (without side-cars :-)):
1. More than one (adult) pillion-rider
2. Rider has no helmet
3. Driving on the wrong side of the road
4. Without lights at night
5. Honking in a silent zone
6. Vehicle has no registration plate
7. Rider is talking on cellphone (is this an offence?)
8. At the instant of observation, riding through a red signal (it's not late enough for them to switch off the traffic lights ;-))

Can't do better than that.

(btw, it's not all that far-fetched. I have seen a simultaneous breaking of about 4 quite regularly)

We need some new adjectives

The likes of 'astonishing', 'mind-boggling', 'incredible' became officially obsolete today. New Zealand smashed their way past 346 to break their own record for a chase for the second time in two days time, this time by just 1 wicket. The stats are just pouring Dead Sea-scale salt into the abscesses: Australia now have the four best chases of all-time against them; this was their 5th straight loss to an old enemy; Michael Hussey has probably the worst ODI captaincy record of a Test-playing country's captain.

What's worse are the potential psychological scarrings. A team that made grown-up men cry must be in dire need of every psycho-analyst in the land. They threw everything at the opposition and still lost. Their bowling has just been shredded. Warne was smart enough to bail out, reputation intact. Nathan Bracken, conceding a six and a four in the last over, is the new Chetan Sharma. We run the risk of ascribing too much impact to these events, but the main damage has been to the bowling which is not really missing too many superstars. Australia's main strategy in the last couple of years has been to out-bat the opposition in the first innings. But these chases have severely eroded any defensive confidence in the camp and must greatly embolden the others.

The main test is to see what happens when Ponting comes back. We'll know then if it's a slide or a minor blip. Don't discount the famous Aussie resolve that won seven games in a row in 1999 to lift the Cup on the balcony of Lord's.

Watching 'Black Friday'

Anurag Kashyap must be a slightly happy man. One out (but not down) and some more to go. His little bright toddler, Black Friday, is out. Paanch, one fears, is growing up to become a bitter and angry adolescent. All these kids want to do first is to be able to come out. Then play with the other kids. Perhaps others will call them ugly and poor. But let them not become bitter without experiencing a moment of sunshine.

Like every self-respecting "good film" watcher, I had seen the bootleg version of the film and keenly anticipated the release. So went to make contribution to the Anurag Kashyap appreciation fund (as Samrat termed it). Hanging out at a local multiplex, waiting for Samrat and his wife, I saw a poster of "Black Friday" from a distance. Hanging upside down. A little burst of anger surged. Took it as a sign of callousness on part of the 'plex. Typical, one thought. Closer inspection. "This is not a mistake! We're crazy" said a sign on top. Smiles around.

The good news for those who've seen the circulated version on their PCs: there are several additional sequences in the film. The slightly bad news: the film seems a little long. Not unwieldy though, but just too long. The 2 hours print seen earlier seemed taut and precise. The Indian release, however, covers the entire book's scope (adding sequences about the landings, more on Dawood's - still a shadowy figure - involvement, and Tiger's immediate provocations in the pre-blast riots.)

What the film also does is further blast to smithereens the roof that conceals Hindi filmdom's underbelly, revealing a set of wonderful actors who have no place in sunny-side-up "Bollywood" (a term which I use pejoratively, of course). It's been a while since Satya that one saw a solid ensemble put together, whose business is not to strut about but merely to inhabit and exist in four dimensions.

Introspecting about the film, Kashyap wonders whether he's succeeded in his efforts at making a "necessary film" that will kindle self-debate in the minds of the watcher. Judging by reactions in the theatre, I'm pessimistic about this. For, like some of my experiences before, I heard people laugh at many of the wrong places. What excites laughter during a tense interrogation scene or when someone's being ripped apart or just merely hearing expletives? Does the director expect to hear laughter at these points? Does the audience let him down? Have they been weaned on a different cinematic diet? These questions always puzzle me.

In the end, the plug. Go watch "Black Friday". In a theatre. It's worth your time and money. God Promise. (And while you're at it, read S. Hussain Zaidi's book too.)

Get me the "Oh Scaar" CSS

Black is as black does, I suppose. The usually "filmy" Filmfare awards are going "black tie", in a time-tested Bollywood fashion that superficially apes the West once again. Gulzar-saab made a wonderful tongue-in-cheek comment asking what white-kurta-aficionados (btw, his kurta's structural qualities never fail to astound me) like him would do in this case? (He said he'll just carry the tie in his hand!)

In further saliva-spluttering irony, the awards are to be held in a Yash Chopra studio lot. Stand-up comedians could choke on the amazing number of jokes that this can inspire. Given that some of the entertainment will be pre-recorded, perhaps you could just save some more money pre-recording awards being given to friends and family. I guess the location also saves transportation costs.

TV watchers may have seen Yash Chopra plug, in his own unique accent, the revamped awards as potentially being very "classee" and "dignifhayed". That may be so for the expensive gowns and tuxedos, but what about the nominations themselves?

Previous Filmfare '07 rant

Yoo-hoo! He's on top!

First the 50s. Then the catches. You know the comeback's complete now when he becomes President of Turkmenistan. Wow! What a comeback.

Ok, ok, I got carried away with Turkmenistan. Can't blame me though. Look at the name.

Mind what you say

"As we know it only takes an injury. Who knows, one of the guys might roll their ankle on a ball when we first arrive. I'm sure Stuey will be the first to be called up then.

:: Ricky Ponting about Stuart Clark's omission from the Australian World Cup squad

Brett Lee might be wishing Ricky Ponting hadn't said that, for the Aussies barely set feet on New Zealand soil, let along the Caribbean, and the "prophecy" seems to be coming true. Brett Lee didn't slip on a ball, McGrath-style, but he's joined Symonds on the stretchers, with Ponting and Clarke themselves under injury cloud.

It's a bad time for the Aussies who are being hit badly with 4 losses in 5 games (with the win being a very nasty shave). Where has all the talk about the mighty and seamless replacements gone now? Everyone is susceptible, and selfishly speaking, I'm glad that the events of the last week have thrown open the World Cup.

Convergence '07

A public-service announcement: my department, KReSIT, is organising its annual research workshop which is called Convergence. We're focusing on research activities in the field of Networks this time, and the line-up of speakers seems very exciting for those working or studying in this area. All the details at the afore-mentioned link for those of you interested in the workshop.

Little Miss Sunshine

Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris' Little Miss Sunshine is one of the funniest films I've seen (the last being Khosla ka Ghosla). I'm not sure it needs to be analysed beyond that. One can take the gist of the film ("troubled family takes a roadtrip in an increasingly disintegrating vehicle to allow their little girl to have a shot at a beauty pageant for 6 or 7-year olds") and turn it into an allegory about life and hanging-in-there and the possibility of family values in these manic times. Or one could just sit back and be introduced to your laughing guts. Most reviews start with describing the group as a "dysfunctional family" (Dustin Hoffman said the film put the "fun" back into "dysfunctional" :-)), which doesn't surprise me but which I feel overstates things. Each member, except for Olive, has their own share of problems which at an individual level is incredibly painful. But if this is a "dysfunctional family", what, then, is normal?

But there I go analysing again. The movie is a must-watch. It boasts of some great acting with established actors like Greg Kinnear and Alan Arkin, favourites like Toni Collete, and surprises like Steve Carell and Paul Dano (when the latter explodes, man, the relief!). And of course, the wonderful Abigail Breslin as the icecream-fearing Litte Miss Sunshine aspirant picked up an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actress (Arkin got a nod in the corresponding Male category). The film is also the indie choice in the Best Film category.

And I challenge you to to keep a straight face during the climax. To give you a sense, my own hysterical laughter would have given the Joker some anxious moments.

Bloodsports

Messages from my hostel's management continue to rock like a cradle in a typhoon. One such recent crowd-pleaser:

It is my pleasure to inform you all the about the outstanding performance of [hostel] in techfest'07. Two teams of our hostel won topmost prizes in the most gruesome competetions. and the other teams also performed really decently.

Previously correspondence: Grassy trolls and getting in-ti-mate.

"Omkara" rocks. Koi shaq?

The annual expletive-generating-exercise that is the Filmfare awards nominations is at hand. They make it easy by ignoring what is IMO, the best music of the year, in the Best Music Category. Yes, that's right, no nomination for Vishal Bhardwaj for Omkara.

Now that you've have rubbed your eyes in astonishment at that sentence, have recovered from the smarting pain in your arm from pinching it, and have cleared your throat of half-uttered *bleep*s at seeing Irk-sar and Doomed-Too in that list, let us rejoice. Vishal got away lucky with the music. What more stamp of quality than not being nominated for a Filmfare?

Grab your chance, Vishal. Cash in by selling Omkara audio CDs and DVDs with the new tagline: "Not nominated for the 52nd Filmfare Awards". And be careful. Don't win Best Director.

Bunky's in

I became a fan of Brad Hodge without knowing how he looked or how he played based merely on this piece he wrote at the time of making his long-cherished Test debut.

Like the more famous Mike Hussey, Hodge waited. And waited. It seemed like ever. It must have been even more difficult to see a rare spot open up and be swallowed up by someone else, who wouldn't let go. Brad Hodge got a Test 50 in his first innings, and a double century ^[1] soon after. He has an average of only 58, and that didn't help getting a place in the Ashes.

The ODI story was even worse. He makes 5 scores of five runs or less. Then Andrew Symonds injures a bicep hitting a flat six over point. He gets one last chance. Hits a 99*, after struggling (for confidence) in the first half of that astonishing innings. Helps win the match. Looks in control while batting. Stays in the team. Can't save the team in the finals, but seems increasingly assured. And here to stay. Oh, and he's a stunning outfielder. We'll see him in the World Cup for sure.

He's an irritating counter-example for those who would prefer to give up.

---

1: I must apologise to my teammates at the last Pune Landmark quiz. When asked "as of now, who's the Australian batsman to have a double century in his last Test innings", in my silly admiration, I said "Brad Hodge" without too much pondering. It was Jason Gillespie of course, and well, that double ton hadn't even been in Hodge's last innings so far. Then, tt didn't seem to my anxious mind that he would be playing any more Test cricket, but now he definitely will.

Taking a-part

You look at the notice. You decide to give it a shot. It's a creative thing, so you go away and rummage in the barn of your head. Nothing useful comes out. You pound your head. No luck today. You play the waiting game. You try to shut the door of consciousness hoping this will drop a huge hint to the submerged iceberg in your head.

Things start to trickle in. There is no startling inspiration, so you go to work hard on it. This is going to be one of those workman-like efforts. Eventually you come up with something that just passes the entry barrier. It'll have to do.

You turn it in. Best I could do, you say. I'll put it in and forget about it. But naturally, you don't. Hope, that comfortably numb bastard, seeps in through the crevices. Soon the spark of "perhaps I might win something" sets fire to the room. "It does take some hard work to win", you say to your lazy and sentimental encephalon. You buy your own syllogism.

Ah, but you didn't count on this being the real world. You take part - you lose - again. "But I didn't really have a chance, did I?", you relapse. But you look at the results. You think "some of these are not so great. Fine, that one was, but surely this one isn't? Mine is better". You're not in love with the concept of subjective judging. Again.

Will you take part next time? What's the use? But maybe next time, they'll change? C'mon, give them a chance. It must have been one person who didn't like it. Can't please everyone all the time. Here, let's look at it again. Hmm, you can't tell whether it's good or bad. Yo've lost all feeling in the opinion-cortex. Again.